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Story
+ Angel Hunt ~ Streifen +
Future Effects
Twenty Years brings many changes...
A story collaboration between Angel Hunt and Streifen
Twightlight
[Book 05 : 02]
The ominous gray skies overhead do little to dampen the festive spirit and remain largely ignored by the two Selestarri who pass through the temple gate and out into the street. Wooden geta click against the path as they walk, taller and more graceful than those around them and standing out despite their traditional clothing. His duties finished in the simple ritual with the other prominent people of the town, most of which involved bowing at the correct times and pretending not to notice the lingering stares he received from the assembled women and teenaged girls as well as a few from the men, Sashi is happy to be free to enjoy the matsuri. They don’t bother him, the looks he got then or even right now, barely registering when he’s so busy keeping a sharper eye on how the villagers regard the one at his side. This matsuri is one of the very few times that Lan has been in town and marks the first time they’ve been here together. There’s been rumors and speculation on the white-haired Bright who had appeared from nowhere and taken up residence with the village’s most mysterious resident—the Dark had heard as much, either whispered as he passed or leaked through the barriers of his telepathy. And so they are followed by the looks, never pointblank, always stolen and furtive, but plain enough for two people as used to it all as the Warden and his tall companion.
None of it really matters much, however, not when he’s walking down a street at a matsuri with the person that he cares about. He’s always wanted this, dreamed about it deep down even when he’d convinced himself that it would never happen because he was undeserving. This kind of sharing, these small moments just to be together mean more to him then he can properly explain, even if pressed to do so. Even if he doesn’t know where the white-haired Selestarri’s heart stands, even if they aren’t really, officially a couple, right now to Sashi it feels like they could be and that alone is a gift that warms him down to the core. He’s not really a person given to hope, but maybe it’ll all work out once he can find the right words to tell the Bright that he’s fallen in love…
The word drops the Warden’s stomach just a bit in the same way that it’s done each time he’s thought about it since the revelation had struck, lightness and heat and an unending nervousness springing up to flit around in his stomach. He’d sounded so pathetic and silly earlier in their shared bedroom before Yamashita-san’s merciful interruption, wanting to get out the words in order to hear a response that both excites and terrifies him, but in the end only able to string a few words together. The walls keep him held down and locked away even with the alignment of his heart and mind, which really should be no surprise to him at all. Nor is he surprised that Lan’s whispered promise of continuing the conversation later sets all kinds of flutters and fears into motion.
The sudden touch of bandaged fingers slipping around his own and gently gripping pulls Sashi’s attention to the Bright and he’s met with the warmest of smiles. Shaggy white hair is stirred by the light breeze, unveiling sun-gilded eyes that immediately gesture toward the procession that follows in their wake. Turning to glance over his shoulder even as they walk, the telepath is unsurprised to find a pack of children trailing behind, all smaller than eleven years old or so, if he’d had to guess, but then again he has no remote understanding of human kids, so these could be any age at all. Their presence is expected every time he attends one of these events and they’ve learned over the years that staying by his side when he’s near the games may earn them a treat of some kind. Long strides are directed in a slow, meandering way toward the nearest game booth where the challenge is to capture a goldfish with a rice paper scoop before the paper dissolves. Lan goes first, never loosening his hold on Sashi’s hand and on the second try he slides the trap around a bright orange fish, smiling as the children cheer and the gamekeeper places it into a small bag. As it’s handed over, the tall Selestarri looks at the swimming creature for only a moment before passing it down to the small child standing at his knees, nodding encouragingly as chubby fingers carefully cradle the new treasure. When the kind smile slides to Sashi, there’s no doubt in the Dark’s mind that someone has been filling the other man in on his habits during these festivals. His slight frown for the person he suspects leaked the information and his own terrible transparency are eased by a squeeze of their entwined fingers and the thrusting of a fresh scoop into his free hand. With barely any thought lent, the next fish is pulled from the pool and surrendered to another waiting pint sized supplicant amid more cries of delight before they take their leave.
Across the narrow lane is a food stall selling dango in all varieties, the twentysomething attendant watching them carefully with the hint of a knowing smile on her face as she readies the items they’ve selected. She waves away Sashi’s money when he attempts to pay, shaking her head and telling him that it’s on the house. Lifting a stick of the tri-colored dango from the others, thundercloud eyes catch warm yellow for a brief moment, Lan already sampling one of the azuki-filled dough creations. Without a word, bandaged fingers find his once again and they step away from the booth, both of them completely missing the look that’s flashed their way by the smirking seller. Meandering through the crowd and toward the small stage, the two watch from beneath the spanning branches of a sakura tree as brightly dressed women line up for a traditional dance to begin.
The drumbeats that resound through the air are strong enough to create an almost constant hum, punctuated every now and then by a foot stomp or a clap. The topmost piece of dango on his stick of three slides into Sashi’s mouth, both sweet and salty from the swirl of soy sauce and probably just as good as any he’d had in Tokyo. He’s reaching for the second when a long arm encircles his waist and pulls him in close against the Bright’s front, a shaggy head settling a moment later on the Dark’s narrow shoulder. For a second everything inside turns into a riot of heat and happiness and nerves and soft, fluttery light, causing him to stiffen and hesitate for the briefest of moments before melting a little against Lan’s lanky frame. Hot breath tickles against the hair near his ear, followed by a brief kiss, and gray eyes slip half shut under the gentle, intimate treatment and nearness. [I hope,] he begins quietly, [this hasn’t been so terribly boring for our… second date…] The last bit of dango slides free from the skewer and the Dark lifts it to his mouth. […has it?]
Lan: the tall Bright smiles at Sashi’s presented question, the quiet tone and slightest amount of hesitation another of those things… those endearing qualities he’s finding in the telepath that warms him deep inside. [Despite the fact that we’re lacking a certain… wanton abandon drink brought to our first date,] Lan starts quietly as yellow eyes remain fixed on the movement of the dancers on the stage far ahead, the arms that encircle the Dark tightening just a little in order to hold the him closer. [… no moment spent with you could be boring. I’m enjoying the time… even if my presence alongside you seems to be garnering us a fair amount of attention.] Summer tinted hues travel briefly over to catch the dark gazes of a few nearby young girls, their ashen strands pulled up into simple knots and pony tails, decorated with kanzashi, the dangling fabric flowers and bell charms as bright and colorful as the yakuta covering their slender frames. The moment eyes lock, almond shapes dart away, the blush of being caught in the rudeness of staring evident even at the back of their necks and it causes the softest laugh to slide free of tall Bright’s mouth.
[As far as second dates go] he starts again as Sashi is swallowing the last of the treat he holds, thundercloud colored grey slipping up to find his warm gaze. [I can honestly say it’s been my best… I’ve… missed these sorts of things really… and I’m glad to be experiencing them again with you.] The small things people take for granted –himself included at one point in time. Spending time with someone you care for… someone you love, these are moments he never believed he’d have again, and ones he’ll cherish forever. A few short months ago he never thought this day or any of the ones that have come previously would be possible, that he would find himself standing out in the open air, freed from the bonds that held him for so long and holding onto another. Now… now he’s not sure he’d be able to give it up so while there’s still so many times that he fears this reality will be ripped from his hands in the same way it had been before, he’ll cling onto every second, relish every second as if they are indeed the last.
[I’m happy…] the white haired man confesses softly, a smile reforming on his lips as he tilts his head to the side and touches his nose to Sashi’s hair, breathing in a scent that’s become so dear to him. […for the first time in more years than I can remember … and I am so grateful for it.]
Sashi: Warm breath trickles against his neck as the Bright’s nose meets pitch-black strands, sending a resurgence of fluttery lightness coursing though his stomach like a swarm of butterflies. Hearing the other man say he’s happy, happy to be here at this matsuri, happy to be having a second date, happy to be with him, is so much more than the telepath could ever have wished for. All those years spent alone, convinced that he was meant never to experience the relationships that people take for granted, thinking that he could only elicit emotion from others if tied to pain and violence, he’s carefully locked it all away since coming to these mountains, trying hard to believe that he deserves to be cared for just like anyone else. But locked away is only containing, not removing, and he’d remained always at a distance, always unable to reach out and make connections. It’s only now over the past two months that what’s been pushed down so deep is slowly leaking away with every day that he spends in Lan’s company. Whether he’s aware of it or not, the other Selestarri is giving a gift that the Dark had never expected, not from any of their people and most certainly not from a faction that had long ago labeled him a monster.
[I’m glad that this date isn’t awful,] Sashi leans just a little more into the one behind, [and that you’re happy…] He trails off, uncertain how to tell Lan exactly what it means to be standing here with him, sharing not only this normal, casual activity that most people do without a second thought, but this quiet personal moment as well. “…I’m happy, too,” he finally whispers as a fat raindrop splatters on the paving stones at their feet. The words earn a gentle tightening of the arms at the Warden’s waist and again the flickers of heat run rampant inside. These last few months have meant so much, even with all the new emotions and his hang-ups with the awkwardness and inexperience that he knows are glaringly obvious. Issues the other man hasn’t pointed out or objected despite the fact that he could easily have done so. [I’ve never… been this happy,] another raindrop hits the ground as the Dark turns enough so eyes the color of the clouds overhead can meet summer yellow. [My heart—]
His words are interrupted as the skies fall out almost without warning, what was just a few drops turning into a deluge of water from above. The crowd immediately scatters, desperate for cover and the sound of geta clicking against the stone rings throughout the village streets. A bandage wrapped hand finds Sashi’s own, grasping tight as the two Selestarri sprint down the street. Beneath the rows of sakura and past the food and game stalls, now overcrowded with drenched villagers, they pass the red wooden gate with its soggy flower garlands and cross the courtyard before halting beneath the temple’s wide, overhanging eaves.
Soaked from head to toe, the silks of their kimonos and hakamas now saturated and heavy, hair plastered against their heads, both men lean against the wall, slightly breathless partly from the sprint and partly from the excitement of dashing through a storm. The light, fluttery happiness runs hard through the Dark, the amusement of the entire situation almost enough to make him laugh. The smile that’s given when their gazes meet a moment later assures him that Lan finds it just as entertaining and for a reason he doesn’t quite understand, it makes his heart skip a little to know that he shares the same feeling. The taller Selestarri’s wet fingers touch just beneath his jaw, gently tilting his head upward as the Bright’s free arm braces against the wall and he leans in close. There’s no one else, Sashi suddenly realizes as the space between them becomes fractional, that he could do this with, no one else that he could stand here beside, soaked with rain, and find the silliness in it all—because he loves Lan.
For almost three months he’s tried not to recognize it, let alone allow himself, worried that it was only his desperate wish for a relationship that was making him feel anything and not genuine affection for the other man. He hadn’t wanted to hurt either of them, so he’d denied himself, confused and asking for time from Lan that he had no right to request. His head and his heart could not reconcile, bickering back and forth until now, until he could no longer dispute what he feels. And yet… he still hasn’t told the Bright. The fear has kept him locked up, worry that again his love will be unrequited, his heart given to someone who refuses to accept. If it were to happen, if Lan rejected him, Sashi knows he’d be so completely shattered that the pieces would be impossible to gather again and the worry has kept him from finding the words that will reveal everything.
Warm, lightly panted breath against the Dark’s mouth brings his eyes back up, their faces close as the rain continues to pour down just inches behind the taller man. Tattooed fingers slip between them to brush at slicked down strands of white, pushing them off the Bright’s face with a steadiness that belies the nervous, amused lightness that’s currently flitting through his stomach. Only Lan can he share this with—does he want to share this with, this person and no other. The space between them narrows, caramel-tinted fingers slipping into strands of snow, when his heart decides it will no longer wait, held back for too long from giving voice to how it feels and to whom it belongs. In the very last of seconds, just as lips meet, Sashi’s heart seeks to rectify the situation and take command, overruling the fear and putting himself into Lan’s care with words both simple and direct.
“I love you.”
Lan: the other man’s words are whispered only moments before their mouths meet, a kiss that begins slow and gentle yet quickly gains momentum in a way he’s becoming more and more familiar with. Bandaged fingers slide away from the wall he’d braced himself against, both hands rising up to cradle the Dark’s face carefully and the smile that spans the taller man’s mouth when they part enough to light the dark shrine they stand sheltered beneath completely up.
“Say it again…”
It isn’t a demand, the tone more akin to a request and said so quietly that for a moment it seems to take Sashi a little off guard. But as summer yellow eyes remain locked with gray in the surrounding dim light while the rain continues to streak from the deep shaded sky beyond, he complies, managing only to repeat half of his previous statement before Lan is closing the tiny gap between them and taking a taste of his lips all over again. Tattooed fingers tighten in wet strands of snow, the moisture that surrounds them, soaks them rapidly dissipating until they are as warm on the outside as the Bright feels deeply inside. The shattered pieces that the Warden has slowly been mending just by being near, the gaping hole that he once thought was impossible to repair feels suddenly filled to the point of overflowing. It’s happiness he knows, pure and unbridled and all because of the one he currently holds.
“I’ve already told you that this was yours to claim…” the white haired man smiles warmly when the need for air forces them apart once more and wrapped fingers slip away from his structured jaw, reaching back to pull tattooed hands from his hair. Lan slides Sashi’s down towards an obstructed chest before covering the hand he places just over his heart, continuing despite the gaze that no longer meets his, the same set of grey eyes that have settled on the place they both touch. “… here whenever you were ready.” for the last month he’s known how completely the Dark had captured him and how hard he’s fallen. For the last month he’s known that he’s wanted to be nowhere but where he is, standing only by this man’s side. He’d hoped in that time… wished that somehow Sashi would find it in him to be able to love him in return. He’d been worried on more than one occasion that the damage the other man had once suffered had been far too deep, that he’d truly become closed off. But now… hearing the words slip from the telepath’s mouth, words that despite his former partner’s claim, he hadn’t been sure he’d ever hear, he finds it to be an amazing sort of feeling that he never dreamed he’d be able to experience again.
“My heart is yours Sashi…” Lan smiles with the gentlest of squeezes, pulling thundercloud colored eyes back up to meet his warm yellow gaze “It has been from the start...”
Sashi: All he can do is watch as bandaged hands cover his own and gently guide him from strands of white to the place just over the other Selestarri’s chest, so overwhelmed inside that for a moment he has no idea what’s just happened. He’s said aloud the words that he’s never spoken to anyone until his heart took charge and the realization of what’s transpired has set him back a little, thrown off with only the Bright to keep him grounded. If Lan wasn’t holding so tight to his hands and if his body weren’t so close, the telepath is fairly sure he’d simply float away. As it is he can only stare down at the place where their hands are joined until a soft squeeze and quiet words pull him back to summer-tinted eyes.
In that moment when the meaning sinks in, the confirmation of possessing something he’d been so fearful would be denied, Sashi cannot help but to smile at the taller man. He loves him and he’s confessed the secret, two things he’d been so unsure of these past few months. To know now that what he feels is returned lights him up deep inside, filling in the cracks he’s held onto for so long and wrapping over the sharp, jagged pieces that cause him so much pain. He didn’t know if it was possible, to love and be loved, not after all that happened before and his subsequent inability to connect with others. The walls are still there, still thick and strong, he knows that as well as he knows they won’t be easily breeched after a lifetime of shoring up, but… right now it doesn’t matter, Lan is standing at his side and he hasn’t backed down or run away despite understanding what he does about the telepath. It’s amazing to him that someone could care enough, could love him enough to face it all head on and yet… here they are. Tattooed fingers return the careful squeeze, the smile given easily to the one who holds his heart as happiness fills him so completely that it feels as though he may explode.
The unfamiliar expression, although lasting only a brief minute before fading from the Dark’s face, is met with a flash of emotion in Lan’s eyes, emotion he isn’t quite sure how to read, but is followed by another meeting of their lips, the kiss soft and lingering. Just beyond the rain continues to pound against the overhanging roof and the ground, not quite loud enough to drown out the racing of Sashi’s heart as they slowly break away. With his hands still pressed to the Bright’s chest he can feel the pace of Lan’s mirroring his own, so warm beneath his palms and sinking straight down to his core. “I thought,” the telepath begins, “that maybe I had waited too long, that you might no longer wish for me. I was afraid… of being denied again.” He should have trusted the other Selestarri not to hurt him, but at times the events of the past are still strong, even after so many years and the old fears had resurged. “I had no right to ask you to wait while I sorted out my heart and mind, no right at all for such a bold request…” Sashi shakes his head just a little, pitch-tinted bangs falling over his eyes even as he lifts them to meet summer yellow. “I’m not fixed, there are parts in me that are still fractured, and you’re not healed of the damage done to you either,” both of them bear old scars and new, old hurts and walls, imperfections that mar them inside and out. “But I promise to always guard what you have given me…”
Lan: the warmth he feels for all that’s being said is reflected in his smile, in his summer gilded eyes and the very touch he lends, in the kisses he and the other man share and in the closeness as both remain near. The feelings shifting inside of the tall Bright bring a sense of peace he hasn’t had in such a very long time, a happiness he hasn’t truly felt for even longer.
Just a few months ago he’d been so alone, hurting and running from his captors, his past and himself while the hopes he’d had for a chance to regain just a shred of the humanity he’d been denied for nearly twenty years had all but been shattered. Then he’d found his way here, halfway across the world and somehow managed to find another of a kind he thought he’d long since lost, one who was hurting and just as alone as he.
He still is as Sashi has said, broken and in need of healing while his past continues to haunt him. Plagued by dreams of what had been stolen, the nightmares of what had been done and the aching hollowness that he once thought could never be filled. Then his heart was taken by the one he now holds, given willingly even when he hadn’t been sure it was wanted and it all began to change in a way he didn’t think was possible. And while the Dark is just as in need of repair as he, he knows that together they just might be able to weather any storm thrown in their path, that together they might someday become whole once again.
“And in return…” Lan answers quietly. “My heart will always be yours to guard…”