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Story
+ Angel Hunt ~ Streifen +
Future Effects
Twenty Years brings many changes...
A story collaboration between Angel Hunt and Streifen
Twightlight
[Book 03 : 03]
Aki sighs as he leans back, wishing he had one of Sashi’s cigarettes right now. The whole situation was going to be difficult. Once Lan returned, how could he explain to him and apologize for the pain and suffering he inadvertently caused? He is technically permanently bound to the man that made all of it possible, even if he himself was not involved.
He knows that in the end, the Angels would have found out about them somehow, it was only a matter of time. But considering how long the two races have shared this planet living side by side unknowingly… it doesn’t make him feel much better. Being with Jenova is what set it off and it worries him that there could be more like Lan in their possession.
Sashi: Smoke curls into the air to immediately get pulled through the small gap of the open door as Sashi sits alone in the room he’s using as an improvised study. The winter chill rushes at him, attempting to bite deep despite the thick blankets he’s wrapped in, but for once he doesn’t feel it, his thoughts on the other end of the house and the two men he’d left to speak to one another for the first time. He knows that Lan wants to apologize and that Aki is feeling guilty about the situation with the Angels and somehow it just didn’t feel right to stand there while they worked it all out. So he’d quietly excused himself and teleported here before either one could protest. It isn’t that he’s not interested in what they’re saying since after all he does have a steak in both their lives and he does want them to get along, but at the moment his presence isn’t required.
A long drag of the cigarette pulls warmth deep into his lungs and Sashi holds it for a long minute. Aki and Lan both have things to apologize and forgive one another for in some way and none of it has to do with him. They will decide in the end if they can get along and he doesn’t want to affect anything one way or another. Zeph had made his decision and he didn’t try to change it, just as he didn’t try to change the way that the Bright feels about Jun. In a fairytale world everyone he cares for would get along perfectly, but as he’s known for a long time that’s just not the way life is. Smoke streams from between his lips and Sashi watches as a rabbit darts across the garden. Still, for once it would be a welcome change…
Aki: The Eclipsed stands silently in the dining room where Sashi had simply left him with the Bright. He wasn’t exactly sure he appreciated that as he was left to figure this mess out on his own with someone he really knows nothing about personality-wise.
Long moments stretch between them as blue eyes meet with warm yellow, neither man sure what to say or where to start. When it begins to go beyond Aki’s comfort level, he finally speaks up, his voice coming quiet as he looks down towards the table.
“I-I’m sorry…” The Eclipsed wasn’t exactly sure what part he was apologizing for, there was just so much he felt he owed this man for simply being who he was. “Sashi briefly told me what brought you to him… I wish I had known, because maybe I could have done something for you.” Cerulean eyes travel up slowly, his gaze sweeping over the bandages that now grace the taller man’s fingers and a pained look moving over his features, guilt wracking him.
“I know all to well what they… what the Angels are capable of, and I’m so sorry you ever had to know their existence. I just… I’m sorry.” Aki sinks down to the table once more. “And if somehow my presence has caused your magic to flare in some way, I apologize for that as well. If it’s too much for me to be here I can leave… but only after everything is explained to you. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself otherwise.”
Lan: He really doesn’t know where he should start. The entire time he’d been washing away the traces of his loss of control, what he could do or say to make up for the unintentional outburst had been foremost at the front of his mind. But now that he’s here a simple apology just didn’t seem like it would be enough, especially to the one person aside from a relation that the Dark has said to love. He also hadn’t expected Sashi to just leave him alone with Aki the moment they’d walked through the door and the fact that he’d done it had taken the Bright more than a little off guard.
The slightest traces confusion shift across the white haired Selestarri’s features when the other man finally breaks the silence that had fallen between them. The guilt that streams from every syllable spoken and each apology that Aki issues was not something he’d really expected either. The way the Eclipsed speaks… was as if he himself had personally had a hand in everything that had been done and he doesn’t exactly understand why. Sun tinted eyes pull away from light blue, Lan’s fingers trailing up to dip into the sleeve of the kimono draping his bandaged form in order to pull the half used cigarette box free that he’d tucked in there before. “You… don’t mind do you?” he asks, waiting for a slight shaking of the other man’s head before long, wrapped fingers slide a single stick out. Setting the box down on the table, his hold lingers for a moment before he slides the pack towards the one seated across from him, sitting back onto his knees a moment after. Full lips cup the cigarette long enough for a small sparking of fire to light the tip, the smoke inhaled deep and held a little longer before decides to let it go.
“First… I want you to know that it wasn’t your presence at all that caused my magic to go haywire. It was that.” Lan lowers the cigarette and nods towards the engraved band that graces Aki’s finger. “It’s one of those things I had before all this was done and I should have known better when I saw it but… I guess I was just a bit distracted. The outbreak was completely my fault though and I never meant to cause the disruption I did so for that… I’m very sorry.” Sliding the smoldering stick in his hand back up to his mouth, the white haired Selestarri takes another slow drag before he lets a soft sigh slip past the smoke streaming from his lips. “I have to say that I’m a little confused.” The Bright continues quietly. “About everything you’ve just said… and I think an explanation will be good so I can actually understand why you feel like you have to apologize to me when I’m the one who lost it to begin with...”
Aki: Slender fingers pull a cigarette out of the pack the Bright had slid towards him. He hasn’t smoked in many years as he’s never felt the same type of addiction Sashi has but right now, he thinks he needs it. The Eclipsed places it between his lips, scrolling a very small pattern that ignites the tip and doing his own slow inhalation of smoke before he looks down towards his ring.
“You must have Psychometry then? If I had known, I would have offered my other hand. That’s pretty rare, but I do know of one other who has it. He doesn’t have quite the reaction you do with it though. I’m not sure what you saw, but it was apparently very strong. You didn’t cause a disruption, I was more worried that you were ok than anything else. I understand you can’t control what comes at you with that ability.” Aki takes another drag of his cigarette before bringing his gaze back up to meet Lan’s.
“I just feel the need to explain things before we go any further so that there are no surprises in the end. If you choose to be upset with me after, I won’t hold it against you as I feel you have every right.” He sighs heavily before continuing. He just feels so guilty that if he doesn’t say it, it will haunt him. “I think I’m the main reason the Angels know about us in the first place. It wasn’t intentional and had I known what the results would be before hand… I might have been able to take better precautions against it. As far as I’m aware, I’m the first Selestarri they ever saw or knew about.” The Bright looks at him in confusion as he continues.
“Hate is not a word I use much, nor an emotion I feel very often at all, but as a whole I hate how their race functions. I believe they are intentionally cruel, needlessly violent and totally uncaring about either of those facts. Actually, I think they take pride in them. I know of many Angels who have evolved outside the norm of their society and they are continuously hunted and their lives always at risk.” Aki briefly wonders if Lan has met Jun. “I have seen the results of how they treat their own so I can’t even imagine what they would do to something else. I have experienced first hand, a small portion of it.”
He sighs once more before taking another drag and finishing off the cigarette and holding up his hand to show the ring. “This ring was given to me by the one I would give my life for, by the one I love like no other. His name is Jenova and he is a Demon. While he does not directly involve himself in Angelic affairs, he does control their Council and they hate him for it.” Hate was an understatement. “In their targeting of him, it has put a spotlight on me and by proxy our whole race. I found this out long after I could do anything to remedy it but I still feel responsible.”
“They had taken me once, long ago and I feel they would have done the same to me as they did to you had I not escaped. It was probably around the same time they took you, Sashi told me it was about twenty years ago when my relationship with Jenova had started.” The Eclipsed shakes his head. “I should have been there in your place. You should have never had to suffer by their hand. I only wish I would have known. Any anger you feel towards me over this is completely justified but I felt you should know.”
Lan: It’s hard to accurately describe the range of emotion that begins to course through the Bright’s slender frame as Aki gives him the explanation he’d promised, and he’d be lying to say he wasn’t a bit surprised at how quickly the numbness starts to set in when the realization of what it all means begins to sink down deep. Twenty years ago this person before him began a relationship with something that tied him to the Angelic race. Twenty years ago they’d gone after that same person and he’d managed to get away. Twenty years ago he hadn’t been so lucky. Twenty years ago he’d lost someone he loves, the normality of his life and every single thing that had made him who he was.
For nearly twenty years he’d remained helpless in the Angel’s cruel hands, being hurt and mutilated and tortured and broken while this man before him had been able to continue on with his life, free to live with the very person he’s said had made it all possible to begin with. And while that fact should make him angry, he’s finding the only thing he’s feeling is… hollowness.
Long wrapped fingers allow the cigarette in his grip to fall, the remainder of the smoldering stick combusting before it even hits the floor as he pushes himself back. “Thank you… for telling me.” Lan whispers as he rises up onto his feet, wishing that he could say something more to everything the other man had just said, but the air in the room has begun to feel like it’s closing in on him and he’s suddenly got the need to get outside so he can breathe.
The Eclipse’s concerned gaze follows the slender Bright as he moves a little shakily towards the entrance of the dining room before them, Lan reaching out the moment he hits the threshold to latch onto the frame in order to keep himself steady as the numbness that had set into his legs quickly threatens to take him over. Dropping his head only slightly, shaggy snow colored strands fall over his eyes as he spends a moment working to collect the chaos that has become his thoughts. “I learned enough about them after I broke free to understand that it would have just been a matter of time before they found out about us anyway…” he manages to whisper, finally slipping his fingers away from the door frame and straightening soon after. “I …can’t place any blame on you for what happened to us so… please don’t waste your time doing it either...” and then with that he pushes himself completely away and walks out to seek the air he so desperately needs.
Aki: The Eclipsed simply stares ahead blankly as the Bright leaves the room. He would have preferred Lan have been outwardly angry with him rather than… simply walk away. Even with the Bright’s words, it doesn’t convince him that he doesn’t lay blame with him.
Long ginger locks cascade behind as Aki lays his head back, looking up at the ceiling and attempting to get a hold of himself as much as he can before he completes his connection with the Demon. He has to know, they may not be able to discuss it right now but he has to know.
[Jenova… did you know the Angels had taken a Selestarri and used him for experimentation?]
Silence stretches on for a few moments after the question is asked before the Demon finally answers, his soft liquid notes reaching quietly through the connection they share.
[…This One…was aware]
Aki doesn’t answer. He knows anything he has to say would come out highly emotional and warrant Jenova cutting the connection. He’s pretty sure his feelings are probably coming through the link clearly anyway, however, and leaves it at that before cutting it himself. That discussion is better left for a different time when he’s had a chance to calm down slightly and when they are in person. The Eclipsed lowers his head back down, bringing shaky fingers up to his forehead, covering his eyes as he sits and breathes. As his emotions fire up, his magic begins building slightly, setting the Gioa shard off to react in kind and making him wince in pain.
He shouldn’t be here. He needs to go.
Aki uses his limited telepathy to call out to the only other one he knows will hear him.
[Sashi… it’s probably best I leave. I’m only upsetting Lan by being here and I don’t want to make it worse. I told him about my connection with Jenova and his connection to the Council, how that probably lead to them seeking out Selestarri and he simply walked out. I’m not going to make your guest uncomfortable. It’s obvious you care for him and I refuse to do anything to disrupt that.]
Sashi: A long sigh escapes from between the Dark’s lips and he tilts his head back against the door frame, gray eyes slipping closed as a long moment passes in silence after Aki’s words. This… is not the result he’d been hoping for when he left the two men in the dining room. His former partner has never been able to stay quiet when he feels guilty about something and always seeks to make amends as quickly as possible. But to drop all that on Lan, to claim to be responsible for his torture and captivity, how else could he be expected to act? It’s pretty doubtful that the Bright would just smile and say that everything is fine, even if he were trying to be polite. He knows Lan well enough to understand that time will be needed to process something like this and that the white-haired Selestarri would be fighting hard to keep his emotions in check.
Sashi hadn’t felt that it was his place to stay while things were worked out between them, but apparently he needs to step in now since Aki sounds distraught and he’s sure that Lan is hurting as well. Crushing the remainder of his cigarette against the bottom of an ashtray, the Dark peels back the layers of blankets wrapped around his slim frame and rises to his feet. The study immediately fades out around him to be replaced by the dining room and the still form of the Eclipsed, ginger hair spread out across the table as he leans forward. Twenty years is a long time, but not long enough to forget the mannerisms of someone who was once closer then anyone else. The way Aki holds his body gives away how tense he is, how much all of this has upset him, and the guilt is visible in the slump of his shoulders and the set of his jaw. His former partner takes everything into himself, even when it’s not his fault, and always tries to spare others from any kind of pain. He’s been that way since they were young, but no matter how many times Sashi sees him do it, it can still be very difficult to watch.
“This is not your fault, Aki.” Cerulean eyes open and the Eclipsed slowly turns his head to where the telepath stands in the shadows. “You didn’t direct the Angels to Lan, nor give the order for him to be taken and his partner killed. You couldn’t have known that they’d take another of us for experimentation.” The tone of his voice is harder then he intended it to be, but he needs to try to get things through to Aki without any sugarcoating and this is the only way he knows how. “You aren’t the Oracle and don’t know the future, so when you escaped from the Angels how could you have known that they’d go after another?” Tattooed fingers slide up to flip coarse black hair from thundercloud eyes. “Yes, your relationship with Jenova is more than likely what ultimately alerted them to our existence in the first place and you will have to find a way to reconcile that both with yourself and with Lan, but,” his gaze meets Aki’s and his words soften a little. “If you hadn’t met that Demon, then Zeph wouldn’t have Jun and you wouldn’t be as happy as you are with your life.” Nor would the Bright be here with him…
Pushing away from the wall, Sashi silently crosses over the tatami mats to settle on the floor cushion beside his former partner. “Lan will want to work through some of what you told him on his own, but he may have questions for you later and if you walk away now you’ll only hurt him further.” Reaching for the nearest cup of tea, he takes a sip of the cold liquid. “He has to carefully watch his emotions for the same reason that the Dark do, too much and the magic becomes uncontrollable. I think both you and I know what that can be like.” They’d both struggled in the past with their Dark genetics, so he knows that Aki has first hand experience with how difficult it can be. Long fingers trace absently over the design on the ceramic surface of the cup and he stares down at the surface of the tea. “I do care about him, just as I care about you.” The faintest trace of a smile slides over the telepath’s mouth. “For better or for worse he’s one of only three people in the world who can make that claim.” Zephyr already dislikes Lan and with the way they met it will be hard to ever change the younger Dark’s mind, but Sashi finds that there’s a huge part of him that wishes for things to be different between Aki and the Bright. “Your presence here won’t disrupt anything, so please stay and speak with him at least once more…”
Aki: He shakes his head burying his face between crossed arms that lay in front of him as he slumps over the table, words coming muffled. “In a way I did know… or I should have known. What else would Angels do? Go ‘oh well’ and give up? No. The fact that I got away made them even more determined to find one of us to see if we could be manipulated to their purposes. And as much as I still feel it should have been me, I know Jenova would have never let that happen. He would have torn Central apart. Everything that has happened to Lan before he escaped is somehow related to me being with Jenova. I did not deserve to be happy while he suffered. My presence here has already disrupted his hold on his magic. I refuse to make him suffer more.” Peering up through his arms he sees the traces of concern the subtly show themselves in the Dark’s features. Aki sighs, the faintest trace of a smile forms over full lips as blue eyes meet gray. “I am happy that he means this much to you. I know how hard it is for you to let anyone in and what level he must hold in your heart for you to say that. Has he met your brother yet?”
Sashi: Reaching across the small table, the telepath opens the half empty pack of cigarettes and pulls a slender stick free. For the moment he ignores Aki’s last question and instead backtracks a bit. “If you attempt to take on the suffering of those you don’t even know, are you not doing an injustice to yourself? You didn’t know that Lan had been taken, so it’s not as though you were informed of it and chose to ignore his suffering.” Cerulean eyes are hidden behind strands of ginger, and Sashi takes a moment to light his cigarette before continuing. “As much as I know you like to help everyone and make sure that as few people are hurt as possible, it’s a task that is not proportionate to reality. You can’t save everyone, Aki, just like you can’t completely wipe out hurt and fear and death from the world. You can only do what you’re able to when the time presents itself.” Smoke is pulled deeply into his lungs and held for a long moment, warming him before it’s released to curl in thick twists in the air. “Right now, Lan will need you to further explain things and to help him deal with what all of this will mean to him. Just give him some time to get over the shock of it all.”
Tapping a dull edge of ash into the tray, he absently draws out the simple pattern that will reheat the tea kettle. “I don’t believe that it has been your presence that has disrupted Lan’s magic today. To be fair it’s been on edge for a few days and he’s had a lot of flare ups. Besides, his psychometry was set off by your ring, not by you personally.” Had he been aware of the white-haired Selestarri’s psionic ability, he could have prevented it from happening as soon as Aki offered his hand. “His hold on everything fluctuates quite a bit, so the issues there are not of your making.”
A moment of silence falls between the former partner, broken only by the soft bubbling of the water in the kettle. He knows he can’t ignore the last few things Aki had said, but he sets his cigarette down and pours them both a freshly steaming cup. “He does mean… something to me…” Confusion slips over the Dark’s face and his voice drops to a whisper as the slender stick once again comes to his lips and leaves a spreading cloud of white in its place. “I don’t know in what capacity, but I do care for him…” He’s not quite sure what Aki means by ‘holding a level in his heart’ but there is definitely warmth that slowly begins to spread whenever he thinks about the Bright. “Jun and Zeph arrived and ten minutes later my study had burned down after Lan lost control and attacked Jun. I’m sure you can guess that after that incident my brother dislikes and mistrusts my houseguest. He’s sure that I’ll be hurt in some way and I know he’s just trying to look out for me because he cares.” Thundercloud eyes lift from the quickly smoldering cigarette to lock onto cerulean. “Just tell me that you’re not going to hate him too.” He won’t know what to do if both Zeph and Aki hate Lan, he just won’t…
Aki: Cerulean eyes blink in confusion as he sits up slightly. “Why would I hate him? If anything I feel that I owe him for everything that has happened.” He looks to the side. “Yeah, I can see how an Angel showing up would cause him to have some… issues, and I also see why a reaction like that would completely turn Zephyr off to him no matter the explanation.” Aki smirks slightly. He remembers the lectures the young Dark used to give him on Sashi. He’s unsure if anything would be good enough in his bother’s eyes.
“Even if you’re not sure what you feel for Lan, it’s pretty significant if he’s here. You are wary of everyone and for you to let someone in is quite a feat. To house them is another, let alone not kill them on sight once they have entered your property, especially if Selestarri.” The Eclipsed gives Sashi a semi-knowing look as blue eyes flick back towards gray. “If his presence makes you happy then I am happy for you.”
Aki looks down at his hand and the engraved silver band. “He did tell me that it was this ring, which lead me into telling him about my connection with Jenova and the Angelic race. That was when he decided he had to leave.” The Eclipsed realizes that while he may not have known, Jenova did, and that upsets and angers him on multiple levels. Perhaps he could have done something if he had only known. Why didn’t Jenova tell him?
Because Jenova never tells him unless the Eclipsed knows what to ask, and the Demon never involves himself in Angelic affairs. It doesn’t involve him or those he loves, why would he care? It’s insignificant in his eyes. This is something that will never change.
Even so, what could he have done? Storm Central by force? Ask Jenova for help? No. None of that would have ever been a possibility and it would draw more attention to both Jenova and the Selestarri as a whole. Something he would prefer not happen anyway. There is nothing and that bothers him on a very deep level. Had he known he would have driven himself crazy trying to find a solution that didn’t put them all at risk somewhere.
“I know there is nothing that could have been done.” His words come out rather distant. “But it doesn’t stop me from feeling this way. It doesn’t stop me from being myself.” He sighs before looking back up. “If you think he will want to talk to me, then I will stay. But I’m leaving it up to him to come to me. I don’t want to cause him any more distress by forcing my presence.” Which fights against every instinct he has to make everything right as quickly as possible but he knows he can’t in this situation.
Sashi: Long black strands slide into the telepath’s eyes as he nods, tattooed fingers automatically reaching up to brush them aside. “Fair enough. I know that he’ll want to speak with you again once the shock of everything wears off and he gets himself collected.” The Dark pulls the ashtray closer and taps the thick line of gray off the end of the cigarette. “And even if he doesn’t, then at least you stayed and made yourself available, right? If you want to help him, I think it’s the best way.” Storm tinted eyes slip down to stare at the steam rising from his teacup. At least he knows what to say to Aki to help the Eclipsed feel at least a little better, but it’s not that easy with Lan. Honestly he’d never put together the idea of his former partner’s capture twenty years ago with the Bright’s. It just had never occurred to him that the two events were related, but how does he explain that to his houseguest? Everything seems to point to Aki as the catalyst for the Angels taking Lan, and he knows it must appear that he’s been holding back information, even though that’s far from the truth.
Lifting his gaze momentarily to the ginger-haired man seated beside him, Sashi turns it to the far wall before continuing. “I’m glad that you don’t hate him because even though you feel guilty about what happened to him, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you like him either. Although I guess I should know you better than that by now. Attacking Jun aside, Zeph thinks that Lan is unstable and dangerous and that he’ll only hurt me.” The telepath raises the cup to his lips, hot liquid sliding down his throat and warmth spreading in its wake. “Sounds a lot like me all those years ago, so I know what he’s going through and how difficult it is to master something that’s trying to master you in return. It’s so exhausting that getting up everyday and knowing you have to fight against it can make you wish not to ever wake up again.”
A quiet sigh slips out and Sashi shakes his head just slightly. “All of that I can understand and I know what steps to take because I’ve been there and I can relate to him. What I don’t understand is this shit that’s so fucked up in my own mind.” Smoke is pulled deep into his lungs as he takes a long drag from the cigarette and holds it for a moment before exhaling. “You’re right that I don’t do things like this, I don’t let strangers on my property let alone in my house. I’m not comfortable with others and I don’t get along well with almost anyone. Yet one minute I was leaving him on the road and the next I was telling him to stay. Maybe it’s because he can relate to me too or maybe it’s just that I’ve been really lonely recently…” More ash drops into the well-used tray as the words spill out. “I guess it doesn’t matter in the end because whatever the reasons were, I like having him here.” He didn’t think he’d ever be able to say that, but over the course of the past month he’s come to realize just how much the Bright’s presence has come to mean. Sharing meals or just sitting quietly or waking up beside someone that’s not a one night stand are all things he’s wanted for so long now, so to find someone who he could experience all those things with makes him happy.
Gray eyes rise to meet cerulean and a frown slips across the Dark’s mouth. “I just want some clear cut answer on how I feel about him and not this… mess.” His voice drops a little. “When I was in love with you it felt different…” This isn’t something that he and Aki talk about very often and bringing up such a long-closed chapter in their lives still carries the echoes of painful memories. He needs some answers, though, and the Eclipsed is the only one he can really ask. “Shouldn’t it always feel the same? Isn’t that how you know?”
Aki: “It never feels the same; Lan and I are two different people under two different circumstances. Jenova didn’t feel the same as you but I still knew it was love.” Aki never thought their situation would really ever be discussed again. They both left that hurt and emotionally drained all those years ago. Had the timing been better, they may have ended up together. In fact he knows they would have, but he would never trade his life with Jenova to go back and change it, however. The Eclipsed shakes his head before picking up his tea and sipping it.
“Sashi, he shares a lot of your problems, a past that was not so great, years of struggling and abilities that are hard to control. He understands parts of you I never could on levels far beyond. He may be volatile because of the circumstances but you can be too. So can Zeph and even me in the right situations.” The Eclipsed raises an eyebrow. “Saying he’s dangerous is rather amusing considering who he’s comparing him to. I hardly think he’s as dangerous as you have the potential to be yet you manage to hold interpersonal relationships just fine when you want to. Zeph has always been very protective of you, even when it came to me so I understand his line of thought.”
“I also think loneliness has little to do with it. You wouldn’t keep someone around you had no interest in just because you were lonely. If you wanted to be surrounded by others you could simply go back to Nova or move to the city. Your actions and your words say pretty clear to me how you feel about Lan. But I know you, Sashi, you are so walled off I’m not sure you know how to let someone in who hasn’t stubbornly been trying for years. You are afraid of being hurt so it seems easier to not let anyone in and be safe than to risk yourself. But if you never try, it will never happen. Period. It can’t. How long has Lan been here? A month? That’s quite a long time and if he didn’t want to be here as well, he would have been out the door. I’m sure you can both relate to each other in ways no one else can.”
“If he makes you happy, you want him here and he means something to you beyond a simple friendship or one night stand, I’d pretty much call that love coming from you.” Aki speaks rather matter-of-factly before taking another of sip of his tea.
Sashi: Storm cloud eyes shift back to the wall as he works to take in everything that Aki had said. To hear that love doesn’t always feel the same, that it can manifest in different ways for different people shifts something deep inside the Dark. That sense of lightness that he always feels around Lan begins to spread through him, bringing with it a warmth that’s reminiscent of the fire elemental magic. It doesn’t necessarily mean that what he feels for the Bright is love, but it’s a relief to know that just because it isn’t the same as what he had once felt for the Eclipsed, doesn’t mean it can’t be. He’s still not exactly clear on how that’s possible since it seems to him that an emotion should always feel the same regardless at whom it’s directed, but he trusts his former partner in matters like this since Aki’s experiences go beyond his own.
It has never concerned him that Lan may be unstable or have difficulty controlling his magic, not when he’d had such issues in the past himself. It had always mattered more that they had similar experiences that each of them could understand in a way that so few others could. They can see the damage in one another and they can see beyond it. He wasn’t sure he would ever find someone who could do that and he wonders if the white-haired Selestarri knows how much it means to him. It all means so much to him, actually. Every soft smile, every gentle touch, every night that he lies down and is held so close, the fact that for once he can help and comfort instead of only making things worse… all of it and more make him feel so important and special and he can’t accurately describe it.
Reaching out, Sashi crushes the end of the cigarette in the ashtray and pulls the teacup to his lips as the cerulean gaze continues to regard him closely. “I already know how Lan feels about me,” the telepath says quietly without looking at the ginger-haired man. “He’s told me, twice actually, and I wasn’t able to give him any kind of reply either time. There’s been nothing but patience and kindness in his words and actions, but I’m just so confused that all I can do is ask for time to figure it all out.” He shakes his head, frowning. “I’m sure it makes me look like some selfish ass.” Fingers trace the edge of the table before the Dark drops them into his lap, his voice dipping even lower. “I’ve talked to him about the walls, so he knows why sometimes I just seem to shut down. It’s not like I want to keep him out, but I built the defenses too well and for too long and now I’m buried beneath…” If Aki’s right and he can’t open up no matter how hard he tries, what then? Lan has promised to break the walls down, but there’s only so much patience that someone can have before they get sick of everything and leave. Will the Bright eventually give up and just write him off as a lost cause?
Fingers twist in the loose fabric of his hakama in the same way that the questions twist through his head. He’s afraid of the walls permanently shutting Lan out, but even more then that, he’s scared of the pull that his own desires have on his emotions. “I’ve wanted what you and Zeph have for a long time now and suddenly in comes this stranger that I can connect to on a lot of levels and who I actually enjoy being around, but how do I know it’s not just my own desperation to have a special relationship? I want it so badly that I have no doubt that I’d lie to myself about my feelings and convince myself that there’s something even if there’s not. I don’t want to see either Lan or myself get hurt in all this, especially not because of my selfishness.” Gray eyes lift to meet blue and Sashi doesn’t bother trying to mask the worry he knows is reflected there. “So what do I do? How can I sort between what’s real and what my mind has manufactured?”
Aki: “Wanting what someone else has and desperately infusing that want into others are two completely separate things. If that was the case, you’d have done it a long time ago with any random person who came by. But I don’t think it would be possible for you to tolerate someone simply for that reason, no matter how much you wanted it.”
“Sashi you are so afraid of getting hurt that you are hurting yourself by not trying. So what’s it matter if you get hurt either way? At least go for the way that has to potential to make you happy. You can’t force a connection, it’s either there or it’s not.” The Eclipsed wishes he could just go in and rip down those walls to show Sashi that it’s possible to do this and not get hurt. “Either you have feelings for him or you don’t. There is little halfway with you but old hurt is comforting hurt, as crazy as that sounds, and the potential for a new kind of hurt is scary, so you hold back. What’s the worst that can happen? It doesn’t work out? At least then, you’ll know you tried and can use that experience with others. You can love many people in your life in many different ways.” It just always seemed so simple to him. He’s been hurt quite a few times by those he’s loved but it never stopped him from trying again, and because of it he found Jenova despite the emotional rollercoaster it took him through.
“If you don’t at least try, you will regret it, and that alone will hurt you. It seems as if Lan has opened everything up to you, you know how he feels, you know what he wants, I’m assuming, all you need to do is let it go. Holding back your feelings is exactly the same as holding back your magic. You can’t. It will destroy you in the end if you let it. You can’t control what you feel for someone, what you can control is what you do about it and right now you are doing nothing. Your walls are what’s hurting you. Your need to protect your emotions are what’s hurting you, not the potential hurt from him. The walls you create don’t keep the hurt out, they only seal it in.” Aki sighs before reaching for one of the remaining cigarettes, lighting it with a small pattern before taking a long drag. Seriously, only Sashi makes him smoke.
“I love you Sashi, you know this, but I’ve known you long enough that I think it gives me the right to honestly tell you when you are being an idiot. Everything you’ve ever wanted has walked through your door and is patiently waiting for you. Why are you letting the potential hurt be more important than him?” Aki doesn’t know if he can be any clearer.
Sashi: Long fingers close around a fresh cigarette of his own, pulling it to his lips as the tip sparks red. He holds the smoke a long time before releasing it and finding the words to answer his former partner’s question. “I’m scared,” the Dark admits, gray eyes focused on the smoldering end of the slender stick. “If it doesn’t work out then I don’t think I can live through the hurt again. It nearly broke me last time…” More then he ever had or will share with Aki. He lets the words trail, not wanting to bring up a time that neither of them wants to recall. “This isn’t easy for me and you know I have a lot of difficulty with any kind of relationship. I don’t know how to act or what to say. I can’t read people well and I always end up just fucking things up even worse.” The faintest ghost of a smirk passes across his mouth. “Hell, half the time I think the only reason that you and Zeph even bother with me is because you’re both too stubborn to quit.” The traces fade as Sashi takes another drag and exhales with a sigh. “Maybe you’re right and I’m being an idiot, but I don’t know how to break down the walls and I don’t know how not to be afraid of getting hurt.”
Turning on the pillow, the telepath sets his back against the table and draws his knees up to his chest. Tattooed fingers brush absently at the coarse black strands that fall in front of his eyes. “I don’t want to regret this and I don’t want to stay locked away.” He already has so many things in his life that he wishes he had acted on or that he could take back and there just isn’t room for another fuck up. “I also don’t know if Lan really understands what he’s getting with me. I’ve tried to explain things about myself like the walls and why the rest of our race either hates or fears me, but the words don’t ever seem to come out right, so I have no idea if it’s gotten across.” Sashi’s voice drops low. “I just don’t want him to be disappointed…”
He wishes that this was all as easy as Aki makes it out to be, that he could be as laid back and unguarded about giving out his heart. He doesn’t take risks with things like this because it wounds him too deeply, so it’s never just a learning experience that he can recover from and simply move on. If he were anyone but himself it would be easy to just decide to bypass the walls, ignore all his concerns and fall in love with Lan like any normal person could do. Unfortunately he’s never been normal and just like so much else in his life it feels like he’s going about this whole thing backwards. His head is too loud to hear his heart and if he understands what the Eclipsed is telling him, he needs to find a way to listen to it if he’s going to end this confusion. Reaching back, he taps the ash off the end of the cigarette and sighs again. “I guess I just need some time to think on it…”
Aki: He wants to strangle his former partner… seriously. It’s exactly how it was with his magic all those years ago. The Dark was so afraid to let go that he nearly smothered himself in it all. “Why do you think Lan cares? He’s Selestarri, any Selestarri would know what you are. You can’t really hide the fact you’re a Warden or a Dark. He should know the stigma that comes with that already because you know how it was fed to us growing up. He also spent the last twenty years being tortured by Angels. They’ve gotten torture down to a science. I doubt anything you’re capable of could scare him in the slightest.”
The Eclipsed picks his cup back up and looks away, voice growing quiet. He’s never really discussed Jenova’s history with Sashi but he feels the situation warrants telling. “Jenova… is capable of horrific things, things even beyond my comprehension and has done them. The man is literally Chaos incarnate and within minutes of his physical creation, committed genocide on his own race. He has murdered and tortured for his own means… sometimes simply out of boredom. He did this for thousands of years before coming to this plane. I know these things. I’ve known them since the beginning but I still love him. Despite it all I can’t not. He goes against everything I have ever believed in, he represents everything in this world I have ever hated but I will never leave his side. I would willingly kill and die for him.”
Cerulean eyes looks back up, meeting storm cloud gray. “The fact that Lan is still here proves he doesn’t care and knows full well what you are. You don’t need to say anything. If he returns your feelings he will return them despite it all. The destruction you are capable of, who likes or dislikes you for whatever reason doesn’t matter.” He sighs and sips his tea. “No one ever knows how to act or what to say in the beginning of a new relationship, because everyone is different. Everyone. But you learn. You learn as you go and there will be mistakes but you take it and move on. That’s how relationships work. No one just falls perfectly into place from the beginning, it’s not possible.”
“This is the same exact thing as with your magic. You were so afraid to just let it go, to allow yourself to do anything other than fight it, but once you finally did it saved your life.” The Eclipsed doesn’t want to admit just how close he knows Sashi was to death. “So you can sit back and continue to fight it and be afraid, or you can let it go and get on with your life. If he makes you happy, then just tell him that. You don’t need to come up with creative responses, just be honest, it will come. Do you know how rarely Jenova and I have ever said ‘I love you’ to each other? It doesn’t ever need to be said because we both know, it shows in our actions, not our words.” Aki shakes his head, he can count on one hand the number of times it’s been said aloud but the times the Demon shows it in every other way is infinite. “The only way you can fuck it up is by sitting and not doing anything at all...”
Sashi: Unruly bangs fall into storm cloud eyes as the Dark shakes his head. “He doesn’t actually know exactly who or what I am.” Another long drag of the cigarette produces curls of smoke that twist into the air as he exhales. “Lan told me his memory is messed up and although my name sounds familiar to him, he hasn’t realized yet just why that is. A couple of times he’s gotten a look at the strength of my magic, but I doubt he knows what I’m really capable of.” Long fingers smooth the folds in his hakama a little absently before he wraps one arm around his shins and lets his chin rest on his knees. “Besides, if he had recognized me, then don’t you think you would have received a different reaction when he met you, Golden Child? Some of the Bright may not recognize us on sight, but they all know our names well enough. Zeph got the same non-recognition and he’s pretty well known, too.”
Silence falls between them and the Dark watches the flicker of shadows from the trees outside as the wind blows through what’s left of the late afternoon. Everything that Aki has said swirls through his head in an endless stream and there’s plenty for him to think about, but the message of his former partner is clear. “I understand what you’re telling me. If I keep trying to overanalyze and fight things then I’ll be alone and unhappy for the rest of my life. So even if this is all a mistake and it doesn’t work out and I get hurt, I should at least try...”
Reaching up, Sashi rakes the hair from his face, quiet for another moment before he tilts his head to look at the Eclipsed. “Do you think I can really show him how I feel instead of telling him? Whenever I try to say anything it just turns into a mess and I wind up causing pain or confusion.” Another long inhale brings smoke to his lungs, the warmth attempting to chip away at the chill he feels deep within. He hates that when he opens his mouth all that comes out are words that hurt the Bright because it’s the very last thing he wants to do. This morning, though, he’d held Lan’s hand and rubbed his back and it had seemed to comfort the white-haired Selestarri, so maybe Aki is right. “Not that I’m really good with the actions, either. It’s like I understand what’s desired and expected for sex, but the rest of the time I have little idea what to do. I’m sure he’s noticed even though he’s never said anything to me about it.” The softest shadow of a smile slips across Sashi’s mouth. “He really does make me happy, Aki.” The telepath’s voice is quiet and almost shy. “I was beginning to believe that I wouldn’t be able to find someone who did…”
A gentle knock on the door draws the attention of both men before the panel slides open to reveal the small Japanese housekeeper, her formal kimono perfectly draped and tied with a beautiful green obi. Beside her is a small lacquered tray with a fresh pot of tea and a large pitcher of water on it and she carefully sets it beside the door, her dark eyes respectfully trained on the tatami mats. “Dinner will be in a half hour. Aki-sama, will you be remaining for the night?” The ginger-haired Eclipsed nods and Yamashita-san bows deeply, her head almost touching the floor before sliding the door closed.
Sashi turns to snuff out the end of the cigarette, the contents of the heavy tray clinking only slightly as Aki’s telekinesis pulls it into the air and then down to the table with ease. Pushing the used cup of lukewarm tea toward the center of the table with tattooed fingers, gray eyes meet cerulean. “I’m sure you’d like to clean up before dinner and I want to check on Lan if you don’t mind me leaving you alone for a bit.” Both Selestarri rise to their feet and the telepath hugs his arms around his slender frame as a slight shiver courses through him. “Thanks, Aki. I really appreciate it…”
Aki: He smiles softly as the Dark moves to leave the room, sitting back down to pour himself a fresh cup of tea. He doesn’t understand why Sashi is so hung up about Lan knowing what or who he is. After twenty years of torture, he hardly thinks what anyone is will truly matter as long as they aren’t an Angel. There is no way Lan can’t know Sashi’s at least a Dark and if he really had that much an issue he’s pretty sure the white haired Selestarri would have been long gone for that alone. Memory or no. Who knows though, he’s really only dealt with the Bright twice for very short periods and both involved rather unpleasant things. For all he knows, he could be reading his actions wrong and just assuming based on what he’s dealt with himself.
Aki frowns, fucking Golden Child. He hates that term. Even if Lan knew who he and Zeph were as well, he’s sure it probably won’t even matter. It’s not like Aki ever guards his own magical presence. He hasn’t in years because with Jenova it just wasn’t an issue. The moderately powerful Selestarri doesn’t mean shit when you have a blindingly powerful Demon right next to him. Not that Jenova lets his presence be known anyway unless he chooses.
If Lan does choose to talk to him later on, he will make sure the Bright is aware of who and what they all are just to ease Sashi’s mind. Not like he won’t find out eventually anyway even if he doesn’t remember on his own. Aki seriously doesn’t think they are as well known as Sashi claims they are in the end so at the most, he’d expect to be ‘that kid who is supposed to be the next Oracle’ but nothing far beyond that. He’s honestly not expecting Lan to give a shit if in telling him about his own connection to the Angels alone hadn’t caused immediate hate. It’s not like he can hide the truth so if the Bright wants to be with Sashi, he’ll just have to get over it on the off chance that the information does end up bothering him once it’s been said.
White washed sun colored eyes stare up into the clearness of the late after noon sky, the eerily calm winter air almost comforting as it works to counter the chaos streaming through the Bright’s head. Lan remains still despite the turmoil inside of him, standing statuesque at the top of the mountain’s shrine with his gaze locked on the looming peaks that rest just above the line of burnt trees and white flake ridden ashen ground below. He doesn’t really recall any conscious thought lent to returning to the destruction he’d caused earlier on in the day, only needing to find breathable air and realizing after he’d arrived that the lingering smell of the burnt fauna surrounding him had been the air he’d apparently chosen.
There were too many thoughts, too many memories, too much hurt and far too much pain swirling inside, barreling through each part of his body like the wildfire that already resides there. What Aki had told him… it was unsettling to say the very least. To hear the ginger haired Selestarri’s claims that he’d been directly responsible for the last twenty years of his stolen life brought up far more disturbing possibilities about all of their connections on a whole.
Sashi… loves Aki. Sashi had been his partner… so he’d have known all of this as well and the possibility of that fact and everything that this knowing would entail he’s finding, is hurting him on a deeper level that he’d thought to be possible. Faded eyes slip closed momentarily, reopening when the Dark’s scent slides across his senses but instead of turning to meet the one he knows to be standing behind him, his gaze simply rises back up to the mountains ahead.
“If… you tell me you didn’t know.” Lan starts quietly without looking back, his hallow words barely a whisper in the stillborn air. “…then I will believe you.”
Sashi: The emotional agony streaming out of the slender man before him is just as tangible as the magical fire he can sense within. Each syllable of whispered words is drenched in the hurt and he knows by the way that sun warmed eyes refuse to turn and meet him that he has been the direct cause of some of that pain as well. He hates knowing that he’s connected in any way to something that has wounded Lan so deeply and it’s the very last thing he’s ever wanted to do to someone he cares so much for. There is a significant piece of his heart that physically aches for what the other Selestarri is feeling, a sensation he hasn’t felt for anyone else in a very long time.
The barest trace of wind lightly gusts over the mountain, tugging at long strands of coal colored hair as Sashi’s gaze moves to the snow covered ground. He shakes his head just slightly, even though he’s well aware that the Bright can’t see him. [I knew what had happened to Aki all those years ago. How his association with the Demon he loves had earned him a run-in with the Angels.] He can clearly remember the day that the Eclipsed showed up at his apartment after months of being absent. His magic was slowly killing him and although he’d heard the explanation that his former partner had given for his whereabouts, the Dark had been too close to dying to really care. Twenty years later he realizes that he should have paid better attention. [I was… having my own issues at the time and wasn’t aware of what was going on until it was over and he finally came to visit me.]
Slender fingers knot in the loose fabric of his hakama as the ache in his chest flares hard. Delicately, he widens the telepathic link between them, arranging it so that the white-haired Selestarri can sense the truth in what he’s about to say. [In all honesty, Lan, I never drew the parallel between you and Aki. It just never occurred to me that your capture and his were related even though they were in a similar frame of time.] Hesitantly, Sashi steps forward until he’s close to the Bright’s back and gently touches his fingers to the tie that holds the other man’s kimono top closed. He has no right to be so familiar, but he wants so desperately to offer some type of comfort. [I wish that I did make the connection earlier because maybe it would have provided some answers to you as to why you were taken and how they found out about us in the first place. I would never intentionally hurt you, and if I did, I’m sorry.] The Dark’s voice drops low. […So very sorry…]
Lan: the white haired Selestarri takes a deep breath in, yellow eyes slipping shut once more as he exhales very slowly. The amount of relief that washes over him from the other man’s words, those truthful words that tell him Sashi had no direct involvement with what had been done is immeasurable. The connection between the events that he’d gone through and the Dark’s former partner had already been a blow he doesn’t know what to do about as of yet, but the possibility that this person standing behind him had a hand in it as well had hurt him far deeper than anything Aki had said.
Sliding bandaged fingers away from his waist, the Bright lowers his arm and opens his hand for the telepath to take. Long moments begin to pass before Sashi finally slips his own hand over and lends him a light, hesitant touch. Closing wrapped fingers around tattooed ones, Lan gently pulls the Dark flush against his body immediately after. It only takes a moment longer for the one he’s holding against him to relax as he slips his arm around his slender frame and as warm breath washes across the back of his neck to send a chill racing along his spine, the Dark’s other hand slides slowly around his waist to join his first before the softest traces of a sigh passes from in between full lips. [I never did learn why they did what they did to Hail and me…even after I’d escaped them this was something I never found out.] Eyes the color of the sun finally reopen and he spends a little longer staring up across the line of trees before them, his gaze fixed on the snow covered mountains looming ahead before he drops his head down and tightens his grip around the arms that hug him. [Just like I never understood how they seemed to know exactly what we were and where it was they could find us… and even though I still don’t have an answer for the first, at least I now know the reasons for the encounter itself…]
The Bright’s eyes slip back closed and he falls silent, simply holding the telepath against his body and enjoying the now familiar comfort he always manages to bring. He can feel Sashi’s racing heartbeat beneath his chest, the slight hitches of breath as they continue to wash through shaggy white hair at the base of his neck and the warmth of his slender frame pressed in so very close. These are moments he knows he’d no longer trade for anything else in the world, moments he couldn’t ever give up… not even for the chance to go back and do it all over again because they’ve come to mean that much. [I’m… not sure how I should respond to your partner and all that he’s said…] Lan finally continues quietly as his yellow gaze reopens and travels back up. [But... I did tell him that I didn’t blame him for what happened and that was nothing but the truth. If… it they hadn’t taken us that day… I know that I wouldn’t be standing here with you right now. So despite the pain and the anger and the hurt that we suffered at the hands of those Angels, and even if Aki really is the one responsible for it to begin with… this…] he squeezes the raven haired Selestarri’s hands a little tighter. […is something I can do nothing but thank him for.]
Sashi: Warmth floods through his slender frame from the man he’s so closely wrapped around, not just physical heat, but the kind that seeps into all the cracks and holes inside and fills them up. There’s a serene sense of happiness, too, but the physical press of Lan’s body, his heart that’s beating so rapidly that it can no doubt be felt, and the thoughts that swirl continuously around his mind are all too distracting for him to be able to focus on it. Everything Aki had said to him about taking a chance even if he’s afraid and of trying to let go and allow things to simply happen as they will between him and the Bright are all trying to filter through his head at the same time, each trying to be louder then the next. He knows it’s no where as easy as the Eclipsed says it is, at least not with him, but there’s no denying how much he likes being near the white-haired Selestarri and how much he’s come to love the moments when they’re so close to one another.
His attention scattered, the Dark would have completely missed all of Lan’s words had his own response not automatically spilled from his lips once the Bright had trailed off. [He’s not my partner anymore.] Blinking in surprise, it takes Sashi a moment to gather himself, the words he’d spoken over and over like a mantra more then twenty years ago only further making a mess out of his mind. Long strands of coal-colored hair fall down over his face as he turns his head so that his cheek rests against the back of Lan’s neck. [I shattered our oaths and broke the bond between us.] The scar on his palm tingles sharply and he shifts his hand a little to attempt to ease the discomfort. [At the time I was trying to protect him...] He’d been so afraid that he’d lose control and go after Aki again, and it was the only way to ensure that it didn’t happen and that the person he loved would remain safe. Not that it had done any good in the end. The Eclipsed was still taken to Nova and held as bait to lure him there so that the Seeker could strengthen her hold, and Aki had suffered physical and mental torture all because of him. He’d never forgive himself for that no matter how many years passed.
A quiet sigh slips from between full lips and Sashi tightens his arms just slightly. It was all a long time ago and the pain had faded to the point that thinking about what had happened didn’t make his heart feel as though it was being ripped to shreds. There’s just a lingering sadness associated with that time in his life now, and it seems pretty doubtful that it will ever completely disappear. Since Lan had arrived he hadn’t really thought on it at all, though, and it dawns on him just how much he’d become so tied up with the man he holds and who holds him in return. [I think you’re right,] the telepath whispers. [If neither of us had been through all of the things that have left us damaged, then we wouldn’t be here now.] Hearing the other Selestarri say that he in spite of everything he’s thankful to be here now with him sends a fresh wave of warmth and happiness cascading through the Dark. [I would rather we didn’t have to experience any of it, but… I like having you in my home, and I like being near you like this…] The part of the link that allows the Bright to hear the truth in his words is still open, but surprisingly he finds that he trusts Lan with the slightly wider access.
The wind gusts lightly once again, swirling around the two men and tugging at the tops of the bare trees. Not even the smallest bit of chill touches them through the taller Selestarri’s magic and even if it did, Sashi’s not sure it could convince him to move at this moment. His head is still a bit of a mess, but even through it, he feels calmer right now then he has since Jun and Zeph arrived last week. Maybe it’s what Aki had said to him or maybe it’s knowing that Lan wants him here and welcomes the comfort he’s tried to lend him. [Don’t worry too much about what to say to Aki. He’s not really one to stand on ceremony or tradition, so you can say whatever you want,] he tells the Bright, thundercloud eyes slipping closed as he leans a little more into the narrow frame he’s wrapped around. [I’m sure it’s a small consolation and I’ll understand if you don’t care, but he truly feels horrible. He’s always been one to take the blame and guilt for things if he thinks that it will help someone else even in the slightest. More than anyone I’ve ever met, Aki cares about people and would easily sacrifice himself to aid another.] The Eclipsed had been that way since they were small, and it seems as though the more some things changed, the more others stayed the same. [I’ll understand, too, if you want him to leave, and in truth he’s already volunteered to do so, but I asked him to stay a little while longer just in case you wanted to speak with him again.]
Lan: a soft smile moves over full lips as the man behind him leans in a little closer against his body and the white haired Selestarri nods in the slightest before tightening his hold on the arms wrapped so tightly around his slender frame, sun colored eyes still fixed on the looming mountains peeking from the line of trees ahead. [It’s… not him.] He assures quietly. [That upset me… it’s not him. I guess it should be considering everything that he’s told me but if I were to blame him…] he’d be a hypocrite. Aki had said that he’d fallen in love with a Demon and that Demon had been the reasons their entire race had been brought to those Angel’s attentions in the first place and while it seems to be true that this connection led to the Bright being taken and his partner killed in the process, how could he truly blame the Eclipsed for this directly simply because he’d fallen in love?
Once, so long ago that it feels like it’d only been a dream, back during a time he’d never realized that other races beyond their own and the humans they’d strived so hard to protect even existed, the thoughts of loving anyone outside of his own faction had never even entered his mind. That anyone could had seemed so absurd, as if them not being Bright had equated to them not having true life…but over the years, many, many things have changed and that time as well as the thoughts that accompanied it are long since gone. There’s a significant amount of warmth that travels through him knowing that the Dark wishes to have him near and desires his presence within his home. It’s a warmth so different that the fire inside of him, and one he remembers very well. A light warmth, fluttering beneath his skin that accompanies emotions once upon a time he’d never have dreamed of feeling for Sashi’s faction of their race, feelings he now can’t imagine living without, feelings he’s truly hoping the other man will be able to return some day. So he understands if this is what happened to the raven haired Selestarri’s former partner and to condemn him for it would be to condemn himself…
In the end though it isn’t the fact that Aki fell for someone who’d connected him to the Angelic race that bothers Lan, what bothers him is… [... It’s the circumstances that put me and Hail in their path and the motives behind it all] he says finally. [Motives I still have no real answers for.] Yellow eyes pull away from the snow covered mountains as he slips a hand away from Sashi’s arm, his gaze falling on the bandages that bind his marked skin. Why did they take him? What had been the purpose of all those years he had been subjected to that torture? The fire that’s now constantly raging inside of him and the Angelic signature that continues to saturate deep inside… the skin graphs and the scars, his stolen wings, the endless stream of experiments or the way they worked so meticulously to break him down mentally… why was this done to begin with? What was the purpose behind everything that he’d endured? Would Aki even know if he were to ask him…? He supposes the only real way he’ll actually get an answer to the last of those questions at least, is to talk to the ginger haired Selestarri again. Curling his fingers back in, the Bright returns his hand to a tattooed arm and sighs [I think… I would like to find out if he knows what those motives were so thank you…for thinking of it… and me by asking him to stay…]
Sashi: The Dark slowly nods as Lan’s words trail off and silence falls over the two men locked so closely together. He wants to aid the Bright in finding the answers that he seeks, to help him in any way that he can, and more then anything he can think of at the moment, he wants to remain as they are right now. Sharing this warmth and closeness, the feelings of lightness that are striving to overtake everything within him, makes the telepath happier then he’s been in a long time. It’s more then just the physical touch of Lan’s body, it’s deeper then that, a sense of ease and an absence of the piercing loneliness that he’s felt for so many years. He can’t really explain any of it, but if what Aki said just a little while ago is true, then he doesn’t need to. He can simply enjoy it and hope that the other Selestarri feels the same way.
[Yamashita-san has announced dinner,] Sashi says quietly after several minutes have passed. He doesn’t want to break the moment or move from where they stand, but to be late for dinner is rude to the Eclipsed and to the housekeeper. [If you feel ready and wish to talk with Aki now, then I’ll take my meal in a separate room.] The Dark turns his head so that his nose softly touches the back of the taller man’s neck, the shaggy white strands of hair smelling faintly of soap and a few different plants from the Eyrie. [I think that the two of you have things to discuss that do not directly involve me, so I’ll join you both afterwards for coffee and dessert.] Hesitating just slightly, the telepath leaves the softest traces of a kiss on the scarred skin. [I understand too, if you’re not ready and want to wait a little. It’s your choice, so I leave it in your hands…]
Lan: the smile returns to full lips when the Dark’s mouth brushes at the back of his neck and yellow eyes close only briefly as he allows the sensations that touch brings to soak fully in. Sashi’s presence, the warm breath washing through snow colored strands, the hold of his arms around his own slender frame and the beating of his heart beneath the chest pressed against him all blanket over the turmoil he feels from the knowledge he’d gained no so long ago and dulls everything that had seemed so tattered and raw. This is something the white haired Selestarri is so grateful for… more so than he’ll ever be able to say.
The Bright’s sun warmed gaze reopens and he nods only a little. [I do want to speak with him…] because he needs answers for so many things and he hopes the ginger haired man will be able to provide them. [Thank you…]