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Story
+ Angel Hunt ~ Streifen +
Future Effects
Twenty Years brings many changes...
A story collaboration between Angel Hunt and Streifen
Twightlight
[Book 02 : 03]
No. He couldn't have.
If he'd fallen asleep, there'd be grasping hands. There'd be cold, hard metal. There'd be excruciating pain. There'd be contorted faces and screams, burning fire and suffocating smoke. There's nothing here. No light, no sound, no nothing. Just silence and blackness. Unending and cold. A cold he hasn't felt in so many years, a deep cold that seeps in beneath his skin and sinks down inside. So cold that it makes every part of his body ache. It scares him to be this cold. He hasn’t felt the cold in so long and out of instinct, he reaches for the fire, attempting to pull it to the surface so he can warm his body only to find that the fire is gone. It isn't just quelled within him, it isn’t just silent or subdued but gone. Completely and totally gone.
Panic rushes through his slender frame as he realizes he can't pull the fire out, his mouth opening to yell out, finding again that his voice won’t work. Suddenly it all rushes back, the memories of the most recent events within the study. An Angel had found them, an Angel had been there, an Angel had been inside and he’d failed to protect the person he’d wanted so desperately to keep near. He’d lost him as sure as he'd lost himself and it seems his punishment for losing was this. A cold so deep that it hurts and an eternity of nothing but time. Time to remember. Time to regret.
How could he have let that happen? How could he have lost so easily? How could he have let down the only person he’d found since it happened that he’d wanted to hold close. The only person to give him life again… The only one to give him reason again… How…?
Lan's eyes slide shut, the Bright not even sure whether he’d curled into the ball he’d attempted as a single word shifts through his mind. The emotion that taints the Dark's name only serving to accentuate how utterly and completely alone he feels while he continues to float in a cold, dark sea of black.
Sashi…
He tries, and somewhere beneath tattooed fingers, the softest of whimpers slips free of full, bloodstained lips…
Sashi: The wet cloth wipes carefully at the steaks of crimson that mar pale skin, passing gently over Lan’s lips before returning to the bowl of warm water that sits on the floor beside the futon. The gray light from overcast skies makes large rectangles on the hardwood as the telepath wrings the cloth out and continues to clean away the evidence of the fight. He should have thought to warn his brother about the Bright’s sensitivity to Angels, but he’d chosen to keep the news of his guest quiet, not wanting to face the questions that he knew the younger Dark would have. There was still too much chaos in his head to provide any answers, still too many feelings he was uncertain about, and still the very real chance that he’d completely misunderstood everything that had happened here in the past few weeks. He’s so poor at reading others and so desperate to have the kind of relationships that his brother and best friend have, that he could easily make something out of nothing, see things that weren’t there, and lie to himself about it all.
The raven-haired Selestarri sighs and reaches out to softly run his fingers over the delicate curve of Lan’s cheek. Still, he has never met anyone like the Bright. This is someone who can relate to the things he’s been though, to the torture, the abuse, the pain, the nightmares, in a way that no one else can. Here’s a person who can see the world as he does, and understand the cracks that run so deep and keep him apart from everyone else. For the first time in his life, the cold inside is absent, warmed by the fire that burns so brightly in the other man. So too is the loneliness eased and the razor sharp edges of pain blunted by gentleness, kindness, and patience. No matter how awkward Sashi makes things between them with his inexperience or how much he fucks up when trying to talk about himself, Lan continues to reiterate that he will stay, that he wants to know more about him, and that he’ll show the Dark what it means to be loved. So even if he’s wrong and reading into something that doesn’t exist, it’s enough that the Bright is even willing to say those things at all. And for now it’s enough just to have him near.
The sound of his name, as clear to his telepathic senses as though it had been spoken aloud, pulls him from his thoughts just as a quiet, strained whimper comes from the one whose side he sits at. The emotion caught up in Lan’s voice is plain, the desperation and pain almost heartbreaking. [Hey,] Sashi whispers, feeling foolish but unable to stop himself. He doesn’t even know if Lan can hear him in his unconscious state, but he’s received so much comfort that if he can he’ll give some of it back when it seems it’s needed most. [There’s no danger and no one will hurt either of us...] Leaving the crimson stained cloth in the bowl, the Dark gently brushes strands of white away from pale features and then lets his hand trail down to cradle the side of the Bright’s face. He can’t imagine what it would have felt like to be suddenly confronted by someone just like those who had tortured him, although he’s fairly certain his reaction would have been identical to Lan’s. That kind of fear is primal and irrational and he can understand how easily it stripped away his guest’s control. Through all of that, Lan had wanted to protect him, and even though he was never truly in danger, it still means more then he even has words to describe.
Another soft whimper spills from the Bright’s throat, and Sashi begins to carefully stroke the velvet skin beneath his fingers, seeking to soothe whatever plagues the other Selestarri. [You’re not back with the Angels, you’re safe and you’re not alone…] He hopes that these are the right words and that he’s helping instead of making things worse. [I’m right here… and I promise that I won’t leave you...]
Jun: a soft sigh slips free of full lips, his eyes closed to the room as he sits propped up against the headboard of their bed. Long fingers stroke idly in strands of white gold, the Dark’s body in between his legs and head resting against his thigh as he remains under. Pain ripples through raw nerves and the lightly blistered skin on his arms with every movement he makes, but he does his best to ignore it, more concerned with his boyfriend’s condition than his own. He’d bandaged Zeph’s arms up and wrapped his palms, carefully cleaned up any trace of the fight that had been left as best as he could.
He wishes he could use the healing magic to fix the other man up, but he can’t access it on that level yet and it’s not like he can just go take a trip into Central and be all ‘oh hey guys, remember me? Yeah well the entire time you thought I was still clueless, I’d actually broken the seal you planted one day twenty years back and have known the entire time who I really am. So now that we have that out of the way and while I’m here, why don’t you teach me how do the shit only the Highers know so I can go back and patch up my boyfriend. I mean really, he only got hurt because you guys are all supreme fucktards who feel the need to screw up everyone’s lives everywhere you go and I just happened to run in to one of those lives you messed up. Well, he wants me dead for the sole reason that I’m one of you apparently, so the sooner we can get on this healing access thing, the better because I really don’t enjoy having flame thrown on me or the person I love and I’d like to be able to fix us when it happens again.’ he smirks to himself. Yeah… that’d get him about five seconds to death and do neither of them any good.
God, seriously, this whole thing is so fucked up and he really should have argued more about staying in bed to begin with instead of coming out here only to get blindsided by something he’d never in a million years have thought he’d get blindsided by. Zeph got hurt for him, and for what? Just because he’s an Angel?… and it’s not that he doesn’t put any of what Sashi said happened to that guy past his people, it’s just that it’s so… fucked up and out of the blue. He’s not one of them regardless of his roots and he didn’t do any of that to that guy, yet he got attacked for it all anyway and in turn, Zeph got hurt. He hates that even when he’s not trying, he’s still putting the person he loves in danger just because he is what he is… he hates it so fucking much it’s not even funny and he wishes there was a way to fix all this and make it better for everyone.
Unfortunately the only way that’s probably going to happen is if he’s not around since according to the raven haired Selestarri, his presence is what set that guy off so after he’s assured that Zeph is completely okay, he’s going to ask to be taken home or he’ll just fly back himself or something so that he won’t be risking any more damage to the one that’s passed out in his lap right now…
Zephyr: Warmth is the first thing that comes through the layers of blackness that wrap him tight, warmth and a touch that moves gently though his hair in a calming, repetitive motion. He has no idea how long he simply lies there, floating through the darkness as time spins out around him. Somewhere close he can sense Jun, the Angel’s unique magical signature so familiar and expected that it would be more surprising if he weren’t nearby. He really should get out of bed, start the first pot of coffee and check in with his informants before he has to spend an hour trying to pry his boyfriend out from under the covers. Seriously, he’s almost impossible to budge if the sun isn’t at least three quarters of the way through its daily cycle…
The Dark attempts to roll over, wanting to cuddle for a moment with the one he knows to be sleeping next to him, but something holds him down and when he tries to push it away pain flares along his arms. Gritting his teeth, the layers of fuzzy unconsciousness strip away, banishing the mistaken idea of being at home as the fight in Sashi’s study comes flashing back, bringing with it a sharp agony that stabs through his head. Fuck, what the hell had happened? One minute they were standing there, surprised to see the older telepath with another Selestarri, and a Bright no less, and then the guy is flinging some kind of fire at them. The attack hit Jun, he remembers hearing the pink and white haired Angel cry out, and then there was only blazing magic and an unrelenting need to kill the one who would dare harm his boyfriend…
Midnight eyes slowly open, taking a moment to focus on the deep dawn colored gaze that looks down on him with concern. Dark smudges of soot still stain pale features and the very edges of long pink bangs have been singed, but otherwise Jun seems okay. “Hey beautiful,” Zeph rasps through a throat still raspy from the smoke. A fresh wave of misery surges through his aching head and he frowns. “Fuck… Sashi did not need to hit me that hard…” His brother had been angry at both him and the stranger for fighting, or for lighting his study on fire… or something… It’s a bit hard to concentrate at the moment, but he remembers that look of cold detachment on the face of the older Dark just before he attacked, and it’s kind of amusing at how similarly it mirrored the one he’d seen on his own face numerous times…
A long sigh slips out of the blonde and he pulls up a hand to reach for Jun, surprised as he does so to find that it’s heavily bandaged. He didn’t think that the Bright… Angel… foreign magic… whatever that stranger is—didn’t think that he’d done that much damage. Of course it wasn’t like he even realized he was being hurt once the fight really started, the Dark genetics saw to that when his magic went into overdrive. Tilting his head back in the slowest of movements, Zeph catches sight of the blisters on Jun’s bare arms for the first time and he sits up so abruptly that for a second it feels like he’s going to be sick when the pain slams into him. God…damn… “First…” he manages to get out between clenched teeth. “We need to get you wrapped up… and then, please tell me if you know what the fuck is going on here…”
Lan: Yellow eyes snap open suddenly, the Bright’s gaze darting around momentarily before settling on the Dark at his side. It takes Lan a few moments to register that what he sees is real, a slight trace of disbelief tinting the relief that washes over his features. Sitting up abruptly, long scarred arms wrap swiftly around Sashi and pull him tight against his body, the white haired Selestarri’s face sinking down and mouth settling against the telepath’s neck, his eyes slipping tightly closed. [Tell me this is real… tell me that I’m not still dreaming… please.] He’s shaking as he speaks, and the whispered tone that leaves him holds a desperation to it that he can’t hide.
He’d been so alone, so cold. He thought he’d died, he thought he’d lost everything all over again, that he’d lost the one he’s clinging so tightly to at this very moment and despite the fact that his head has begun to pound so hard that it feels like he collided with a brick wall somewhere or that he can actually feel the fire shifting inside of him again, he can’t shake the feeling that this reality might shatter around him.
He’d been floating in a sea of black. No light. No warmth. Nothing but an unending cold that chilled him to his very bones. It hurt to be so empty and he’d realized while he’d been there just how much this man had been filling him up over the last few weeks. The loss he felt there had been acute, the darkness that surrounded him, terrifying. It had only eased after he’d been there for what had seemed like an eternity when out of no where, heat had flared hard before him, shining like the sun and warming him again. It had taken him a bit to realize that the warmth he had been feeling was really emanating from soft gentle hands tending to him here… and once he’d realized it, words began to resonate all around him… soothing, comforting words that worked to pull him back. Words he’d clung to, words he followed, words that told him he wasn’t alone…
[I heard your voice…] Lan says after a minute longer before finally reopening his eyes and slowly lifting his head. Sliding his arms back as he pulls away in the slightest, the white haired Bright’s hands slip up against the telepath’s cheeks and into long ebony strands, their eyes meeting soon after. [It was like a beacon in all that darkness… you were a beacon so please tell me that I’m not still dreaming…] leaning down, his forehead touches the other man’s as his sun warmed gaze once again slides shut, the Selestarri’s voice slipping into a whisper that’s barely audible in the quiet of the Dark’s room [Please Sashi… because I need you to be here in my hands…]
Sashi: Scarred fingers slide into pitch-dark hair, little sizzles of electricity flaring to life with every strand that’s touched; the feeling magnified a thousand fold when their foreheads meet and the familiar warmth ignites deep within. The Bright’s quiet words reach his mind, laced with desperation and fear, and for a moment he wonders what Lan had been dreaming about. What had scared him so much and caused such a need for reassurance? The telepath slides his hands up to trail lightly along the small of the other Selestarri’s back, seeking to soothe the urgency that has Lan wired so tight. [You’re not dreaming anymore… I’m right here…] There isn’t anywhere he’d rather be then beside the man who holds him so close. Lan makes him feel wanted and special, comfortable and cared for. When they’re close like this the pain is blunted, the cracks filled, and the shattered fragments of his life are almost made whole. How could he not wish to be near someone who treats him so gently and would fight to protect him? Even if he’s completely misunderstanding everything that’s happened between them over the previous weeks and even if he’s confused by what’s going on in his head, Sashi can’t deny those few precious things and how much it all means to him. Sun warmed eyes open to meet thundercloud gray once more, his voice dropping low as their bodies remain close, illuminated by the pale light of the afternoon. [There’s nowhere else I could be except here...]
Feeling slightly embarrassed, either because he knows the words to be true or because he actually said them aloud, the Dark carefully slips from Lan’s grasp and leans over to retrieve the jar of salve from beside the futon. Twisting off the lid and dipping his fingers into the thick substance, he reaches out, taking one of the Bright’s arms and turning it over to get a good look at the blistered underside. Angry red markings make a new layer atop the old scars, the skin raw and sore and hot to the touch. [You should have protected yourself, too…] he says quietly, smearing a layer of cream over the burns as gently as he can. There’s a quiet hiss of pain as he moves over the worst of the injuries, but Lan doesn’t pull away.
Storm colored eyes lock on the path of his fingers and Sashi begins to work the salve into the most damaged areas with a slow carefulness, moving as if the one before him is made of the most fragile glass. [I… owe you an explanation for what just happened. I should have told you about Jun, that he’s my brother’s boyfriend and that there was a good chance they’d come here to visit. I just thought I had more time…] Time to work out all the feelings and questions, time to ready the answers that he knew Zeph would demand. Answers that he’s just not prepared to give yet. Once he’s sure that there’s enough of the medicated cream on the burns to begin healing, the Dark reaches for Lan’s other arm and repeats the process. [Even though he’s an Angel, Jun isn’t like the rest of his race. In the past he was used by them as disposable bait and is now completely removed from their society and has been for a long time. He’s the furthest thing from cruel or unfeeling and there’s no danger to any of us by having him nearby.] The other Selestarri should be much more afraid of Zephyr then of the pink and white haired man because there is no limit as to what the younger Dark will do to protect the one he loves. [I don’t expect you to just accept all of that on my word, especially with what you’ve been through, but he’s a welcome guest in my home and is going to be here whenever my brother visits, so…] He lets the words trail off and wipes his hands before setting the jar back on the floor, trading it for a roll of wide bandaging that he wraps around the Bright’s arms with practiced skill. Tucking in the last end, he gently runs his fingers over the smooth cloth, his voice dropping into a whisper. [I should have warned you, and I apologize…] The damage to the white-haired man is deeper then just these marks, emotional and psychological, too, even if Lan keeps it hidden. To come face to face with a member of the race who had tormented him for years… he won’t be surprised if the Bright never forgives him for not giving any type of warning…
Lan pulls Sashi in close once again, the fear from whatever had plagued his unconsciousness still unwilling to release it’s grip on the taller Selestarri. The bandaged hands slip around his waist, holding him as though at any moment the raven-haired Dark will disappear. Tattooed fingers reach out to hesitatingly touch at the bruise that marks Lan’s cheek, the skin already turning an ugly shade of indigo. The things that the Bright had so urgently said upon waking shift through his mind once more. [When you were dreaming,] gray eyes rise to look deep into warm yellow. [Why did you think that I had left you?]
Lan: Hissing softly, the pain from the fresh wounds settles in as tattooed fingers move across his arms, each careful sweep of the Dark’s hands over his skin reigniting a mixture of fire tinged pain and the familiar tingling warmth he feels when Sashi touches him gently as he’s doing at this moment. A partial smile spreads across full lips as his own gaze travels down to the path of the other Selestarri’s fingers and he shakes his head in the slightest. [It’s alright…] he says quietly. [I have so many scars that a few more won’t matter in the end] which is mostly true as far as his body goes but when it comes down to it, he hadn’t had any thoughts at the time beyond protecting the one that’s tending to him so carefully now.
The smile fades as the raven haired telepath gives him an explanation of the Angel’s presence, his gaze shifting to the side even as Sashi sets the jar down and begins to wrap his arms with practiced skill. So the unfamiliar Dark was his brother and his brother’s mate is an Angel… Lan isn’t quite sure what to make of that at all. All he’s known for the last twenty years about that particular race was how cold and callus they could be… all he’s experienced so far was cruelty at their hands. They stole his entire life away and he’s only been able to harbor feelings of hatred and loathing for their kind so to be told that there is one amongst them that isn’t connected, one that isn’t cruel or unfeeling, one that will be here within these walls that he’d been able to find peace and solace in for the last few weeks, not only here but here as a welcome guest… he just… doesn’t know what to think of it and he’s unsure how he’ll be able to quell his initial reaction to the Angel’s presence the next time they meet face to face. He’s actually unsure if he’ll be able to do it at all as it’s hard for him to even fathom that anyone connected to that race could be anything but what he’s been shown.
Yet within the tide of emotions he feels over the intrusion to the safety he’d started feeling, there’s a sense of relief that washes over the white haired Selestarri on a whole. Relief that they hadn’t actually hunted him down, relief that he’s still, as of this moment - relatively safe. Relief that he hadn’t led them to Sashi’s home, relief that he hadn’t lost this man so soon after finding him. He wants to tell Sashi not to apologize, that he had nothing to be sorry for as what happened was his own fault. Had he known that the other Dark was the brother he’d mentioned before, he never would have attacked. Or at least, he hopes he wouldn’t have. He never actually expected to be confronted with a member of the race that hurt him and so in the end, he isn’t sure if he could have reacted any other way that he did but regardless, it is he who lost grips on his emotions and he who should be apologizing when all is said and done. But before he can say any of this to other man, the telepath’s fingers trace down over the cloth that now binds him and pulls his gaze back, the all too recent fear of the loss that plagued him while he was under suddenly spiking hard inside of his chest as his eyes once again settle on the figure before him. Unable to stop himself, the Bright reaches forward and pulls the Dark in close, the need to feel him solidly beneath his fingers too strong to ignore.
Sun warmed eyes shift away from the thundercloud colored gaze that stares in deep once more when Sashi asks of his dream, the taller man silent for many long moments before he finally answers the question that had been asked. [I… had thought…] Lan begins, tightening his grip around the Dark’s waist to hold him just a little tighter. […That they’d found me…] yellow eyes shift back to meet grey and he frowns. [That I’d finally died.] The white haired Bright slowly pulls a hand away from the slender waist in his grip and slides it up towards raven hair, his voice dropping low as he begins to carefully sweep long strands away from Sashi’s eyes. [… I couldn’t feel the fire anymore… I couldn’t feel anything except the cold.] Trailing his fingers down the other man’s cheek, Lan’s gaze drops to follow the movements of his hand as he continues. […it hurt to be so cold, Sashi… it hurt to be so alone. It was there that I’d realized just how much you’ve been filling this hole inside of me and so it hurt to think that I’d never feel you near again…]
Sashi: The touch of scarred fingers at his brow as they sweep away coarse strands of black hold the telepath absolutely still, everything around them narrowing in to the Bright who sits before him and the quiet words that he speaks. Lan can’t really mean those things… It’s not like he’s done anything amazing or even very helpful in the short weeks that they’ve been staying here together. All he’s done is cry, be pathetic and needy and then have his brother show up out of nowhere and watch as a fight escalated. Certainly nothing that warranted being told he was filling up the empty space in the other Selestarri or that his absence would cause the other man hurt. It had to be the residual fear of the nightmare or maybe he’d struck the white-haired Bright a little too harshly…
Lan shifts his hand, tracing over Sashi’s lips with a gentleness that sends streaks of warmth cascading down the Dark’s spine. Without stopping to think or hesitate, he leans in, closing the space between them and letting his eyes slip shut when their mouths meet. The grip at his waist tightens as the kiss slowly grows deeper and he reaches his free hand over to carefully lace between scarred and bandaged fingers. [I haven’t done anything special…] the raven-haired telepath says when they finally part, his gaze dropping down to the patterned blanket beneath them. [Nothing that deserves to be placed so highly… or to be missed if I weren’t near…] He wishes he could return the sentiment, to say that it would hurt him too if they couldn’t be close to one another, but the words lock up before he can form them, unable to be pushed through the walls that surround him.
[The cold…] Sashi finally manages to get out. [I know all too well what that feels like. It does hurt, freezing in places that can never seem to get warm…] He’s spent so many years like that, plagued by a coldness he couldn’t relieve with all the magic or manufactured heat in the world. No matter what he tried the results were always the same and some years it seemed as though the chill only deepened. For a while he’d thought that it would end when he finally managed to get his life back together, to come to terms with his Warden abilities and his strength as a Dark, and to find a place that he could be in peace. Yet once those things had been achieved, the cold remained, always pressing in on him with a bite that he couldn’t escape. Until now… “Until you…” Sashi whispers almost inaudibly. His fingers move through the narrow space between them to touch just over Lan’s heart. [This fire… has made me warm…] Had he felt heat like this when he was in love with Aki? It’s hard to remember, everything was so different then, he was different then, and in coming to terms with it, he had chosen to let it all go, to accept what couldn’t be changed and to forget the details that continued to cause him misery. The Eclipsed is the only other person he’s ever had feelings for, though, and so forcibly half-forgotten or not, he can only compare the present with the past…
Eyes as warm as a summer day are gazing at him again and embarrassment floods through the Dark as he pulls his hand away and drops it into his lap. Seriously, Lan must think he’s a fucking waste of space when he says things like that, so obviously desperate. A few moments pass in silence before he can get more words out, the barriers that wall him in threatening to clamp shut. Why can’t he ever just say what he wants? Why does it always have to be so difficult? [If you were dead...] The words slide out with only a little force, the telepath still unable to meet the Bright’s gaze. [Then I wouldn’t be able to see you…] Gray eyes slide to the inky markings that litter his exposed forearms. […curse of the Wardens…] Whatever the feelings he’s having, whether they are real or just some twisted manifestation of his desperate mind, he knows that this is the truth. He cares for the other Selestarri in ways that go far beyond the indifference he harbors for everyone aside from Aki and Zeph, and were one of them to pass to Eviternity, he would lose the ability to see Lan. All the power in the world to speak and visit with the dead, except those that a Warden cares about—it’s the one catch to all their magic and ability. The knowledge is double-edged, on one hand giving him hope that maybe what he’s feeling is real, that it couldn’t all just be in his head if his magic is getting involved, and on the other scaring him to think that he’s setting himself up to be hurt all over again…
Lan: as grey eyes drop down to the patterned bedding beneath them, the white haired Selestarri realizes that he may have said too much far too soon. The fear he’d felt while under, the cold and the loneliness that had plagued him when he was in that unending darkness had gotten to him, brought everything up to the surface so uncontrollably that he hadn’t been able to suppress the relief he’d felt upon waking to find himself alive and still in the presence of the one that he’s holding onto at this very moment. It had brought on a fresh tide of emotion that he’d let seep out, a tide of emotion he’d just pushed onto the Dark, emotion Sashi either didn’t want or was more than a bit unprepared to handle despite the kiss and despite the return of affection he’d just given.
He knows that the telepath is as lonely as he is… not only from his words or his admittance over the last few weeks that he’d been in his presence, but also from his actions - from the look in his eyes… it seeps off of him at times so clearly that he can’t stop himself from reaching out and pulling the other man close, can’t stop himself from attempting to ease it, can’t stop himself from wanting to ease it. But loneliness does not automatically equate to closeness, it doesn’t automatically equate to emotion. The raven haired Dark had told him that he’d wanted to share things with him, to see the light he sees- see the pathways that led them to be in each other’s presence that are so clear in his sun warmed gaze… and he wants so badly to share it all with Sashi, to share what little life he’d managed to salvage with him, to show him everything he sees, show him how his own path had led him to the Dark, show him the light that shines so brightly, the light that points right to him. To teach the other Selestarri what it means to love, to protect him, to hold him close…
But what if Sashi himself doesn’t truly want any of this from him in the end? What if he’s doing nothing more than projecting his own loss and his own need on the other man? Projecting the need to feel normal again, the need for contact he’d thought he’d never have again. And if he is doing nothing more than projecting, then there truly is nothing to show him when it comes down to it. After all, they have only known each other for less than a month… what could he expect Sashi to feel towards him in that time? Truly, what could he expect? While time, to someone like the Bright; someone who thought such a short time ago that he was the last of his kind, someone who had lost everything that he was, everything that he knew - means very little, he knows that this isn’t the case with everyone else. So in the end, how can he expect Sashi to feel anything at all?
But as tattooed fingers touch at his heart there’s a lightness that spreads inside, a warmth that sinks deeper than his own fire at the words that accompany the gesture itself. One he doesn’t want to lose, a reassurance he wants, a reassurance that he needs and one he wants to return. Whether Sashi truly wants the emotion he feels towards him or not and despite allowing the recent events overwhelm him, despite slipping up and saying more than he should have, despite allowing his insecurities to spill out and most likely pushing more onto the telepath than Sashi himself is comfortable with, he’ll continue to hold this man for as long as he’s allowed him to. Because he can’t lose his reason to live when he’s just found it again… when he’s just found him.
[There were so many days that all I could think about was death…] Lan says quietly, continuing his words despite the pain of every new wound that riddles his body and the throbbing inside his head from being forcibly knocked out, […so many days I begged for it. All I’d wanted was to be freed from the endless pain… to be taken out so I could be with Hail again… I dreamed of it… longed even. I wanted the Eviternity with all of my soul…] tattooed fingers clench in the slightest and he slides bandaged hands underneath the telepath’s chin to slowly lift his face up until their gazes meet once again, a soft smile spanning full lips as he speaks. “But I haven’t wished for it once since we’ve met… how could I if wishing it meant that I wouldn’t be able to see you again…?”
Sashi: He can’t stop the tightening of his fingers when Lan mentions the name of his partner, just like he can’t stop the voice in the back of his mind that reminds him that it’s the dead Bright that the white haired man loves, not him… probably never him… What does he expect, really? That just because he’s got some kind of feelings for Lan that he can’t even explain that it means the Bright does, too? Better than anyone he should know that those kind of happy endings are reserved for movies and books. It’s not how things work in the real world, where more often then not things like this aren’t returned and he should just stop before it’s too late, before he really gets hurt.
Gentle fingers slip beneath his chin to lift his face upward, storm-tinged gray automatically meeting sun warmed yellow, the telepath so preoccupied with his thoughts that he almost misses the other Selestarri’s smile and the quiet words he speaks. [I’m… glad, because…] he takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. [I like having you near, but I don’t understand…] Part of him is thrilled to hear Lan say that he doesn’t want to be unable to see Sashi again, but the rest of him is confused, and the two conflicting emotions are all tangled up in his head. The telepath shifts his eyes to the blankets once again. [I haven’t done anything, so why…?] All he’d done was give the Bright physical things: his home, his bed, a visit with his partner. It’s not like he’d been able to give any more because the walls prevent him from doing so, keeping it all locked up and even if he could figure things out, he may never be able to actually share it with Lan…
On the other hand, the one before him had done so much during these weeks, things Sashi will never be able to repay, things he’d begun to doubt would ever be a part of his life. Just to wake up beside someone again, someone he actually cares about, to have warmth without the hollowness or bitterness he usually feels, is worth so much. Does Lan know how much it means to him? Would he understand all this shit that’s going on in his head, or would it just be awkward again? Would he just be left hurt and alone like he had been years before? As much as he’s tried to stop himself, something is going on inside him, some kind of emotion is growing for the yellow-eyed Selestarri, even if he can’t completely understand it, and he knows that it will more than likely break him when he hears that once again his feelings are unrequited.
Lan still holds his fingers beneath the Dark’s chin, but Sashi can’t find it in himself to look up at him, and instead he’s begun to shake just a little, and no matter how much he commands his body to stop it refuses to listen. [Sorry… I…] Zeph’s voice cuts through the trailing words, demanding to see the telepath, the edge in his tone clear through the telepathic link. Easing from within the Bright’s arms, Sashi rises to his feet, the long sleeves of his kimono sliding down to cover hands that refuse to stop trembling. What’s wrong with him? Why is he so wound up over something that hasn’t happened and that more than likely won’t happen? [My brother’s awake and less than pleased with me at the moment, so I better go do some damage control,] he offers as an explanation before crossing to the sliding door and into the welcome semi-dark of the hallway…
Lan: Eyes the color of the sun watch as the telepath exits the room, staring at the doorway for long minutes after Sashi had left it empty before pain, sharp and unbridled streaks through him once again. The white haired Bright quickly loses the composure he’d worked so hard to keep while in the Dark’s presence and he closes his eyes, marked fingers sliding up to clutch at his head before he finally doubles over, locked in a tide of pain that ranges from the headache that accompanied the psionic attack he’d been dealt, to the ache in his jaw from a bruise he knows he must have after being struck by the blonde haired Selestarri’s weapon right down to the new scorching burns that slide across the surface of already heavily marred skin caused by his very own fire. Everything hurts and he feels rather sick… but when it comes down to it, it’s all his own fault that he has this pain as it was his own actions that had brought it all on and so he’d worked hard to keep it from the telepath while he’d been here… unfortunately it seemed to be catching up to him a little now.
It takes a couple of minutes for the strong waves to ebb in the slightest and he sighs, reopening his eyes to stare down at the floor beneath him while he continues to ride it all out. The dim light spilling in from the heavy winter windows reflects on the small bowl of muddied water resting on the side of the bed and catches his eye, Lan slowly straightening as his gaze comes to rest on the cloth floating partially in and out of the surface of the blood tinted liquid. A fond smile forms on full lips as his thoughts return to the raven haired Dark and the care he must have lent him while he was out… he’d lost himself briefly in that study and acted without thinking to attack not only who he now knows is the other man’s brother, but his brother’s mate as well and despite this, Sashi had still brought him back to his room, he’d still taken care to clean his wounds when he could have easily cast him out over it all and that fact fills him with a warmth he can’t even begin to describe, one that seems to utterly surpass the flames that burn so brightly within. Reaching over, the Bright runs the tips of his fingers along the rim of the small dish before pulling away and straightening, taking a moment to readjust himself when nausea threatens to over take him from the sudden movement. In the end, this is no worse than what he had endured for nearly twenty years at the hands of those humans and the Angels that owned them and so he works to push it all away, tries with all his might to simply ignore that which refuses to be ignored. Turning and moving towards the closet, he strips himself free of the blood stained and fire scorched garments that still drape his form, leaving the clothing in a crumpled pile on the floor before he pulls an olive colored kimono out and slips it on, before moving towards the door without pause and reaching down as he passes the small kotatsu to slide a nearly empty pack of cigarettes resting on its surface, free.
The snow falls in thick flakes as he steps into the soft darkness of the oncoming evening, the sheer white that blankets the grounds beyond the hot springs illuminating it enough to give it a light glow. Lan slips a cigarette free before setting the used box down on the railing that lines the covered porch and slides the stick up to his lips, lighting the tip with the barest trace of thought lent to the action a moment later. The taste of the smoke is unusually bitter as he pulls it deep into his lungs, yellow eyes staring out into the surrounding area without blinking for a long minute before he allows it free. His gaze travels up towards the sky and he sighs quietly as he watches the spiraling flakes melt a few feet above his head. The snow isn’t reaching him and for the first time since everything had happened nearly twenty years before, he can honestly say that he’s truly grateful for that fact. When he’d been floating in that black hole, it had been so cold… a cold he never wants to feel again. It sank into every part of him, chilled him so thoroughly down to his bones… He hasn’t felt any type of cold for so long now that having it thrust on him in that manner and being helpless to stop it had… terrified him.
The Bright’s free hand slides up to wrap around his waist as he stands in continued silence while the cigarette slowly smolders in his fingertips, finding himself suddenly in need of something to ground himself to, something solid... even if it were just the illusion of his own body. Being there had not only been terrifying, but it had been lonely – so very cold and lonely. He hadn’t lied to the Dark once he’d woken… being there had made him realize just how much Sashi has been filling up that fractured piece inside of him during the time he’s spent with him - the one that had formed in his chest the moment they’d taken her away. He wishes he could explain that to him, to tell Sashi that it wasn’t a matter of him doing nothing… it’s a matter of him doing everything… but in the end, how can he convey that to the Dark without making him more uncomfortable than he’s already seemed to…?
Jun: Deep dawn colored eyes watch while the Dark makes the slowest of movements in an attempt to ease the pain throbbing inside of his head as he continues to wrap recently salved arms tight. “Zeph…” the Angel tries again for the tenth time. “Come on, it’s not that big of a deal… I can do it myself…” midnight eyes shift up to meet his gaze and he sighs with a slight resigned nod of his head, knowing that he’s just going to have to sit here until his boyfriend is done taking care of him.
He’s not quite sure how this ended up getting reversed, since only a few moments before he’d been the one caring for the Dark, but it doesn’t seem like Zeph is going to allow him to go any longer without some form of treatment for these recently received wounds and so he’s just going to have to let him do it despite being more concerned for the other man’s well being than his own. Really, it’s not the treatment or care that bothers him at all, it’s more that the one he loves in a shit load of pain and he’d rather make sure he was okay first before bothering with himself. He really should have just healed the burns while the blonde was out so that this wouldn’t have been an issue to begin with, but whenever he does use that healing ability, it usually ends up hurting more than the actual injury itself which was one reason he hadn’t bothered with it and doesn’t unless it’s super serious or something.
“Okay… so…” the pink and white haired Angel starts while the other man continues to patch him up, attempting to distract himself while the pain spikes beneath his skin with every movement made. “Apparently that guy, the one who came at us was really just trying to get at me…” The Dark furrows his brows, a hard look of anger flashing across his features and Jun continues quickly in an attempt to explain. “Well, not me personally I guess, but because I’m an Angel… I dunno, your brother said his name was Lan and that he was his houseguest. Then he went on to say that my people, being the supreme assholes that they are, had caught him for some lab rat thing and tortured him for the last twenty years or something like that.” He sighs and shakes his head. “Fuck, if all of that is true, it’s not like I blame him or anything for freaking when we popped in, which is kind of what your brother said to me too…” Actually, Sashi had said it to him as if he should have known all along that things would go down in the study like they did and he, himself should have known better than to stop by because of it.
“Seriously though.” Jun continues with a slight frown. “If all of it is true, it’s pretty fucked up and just gives me one more reason to be happy that I’m still skirting beneath the Council’s notice… I mean, I know first hand how they can be when it comes to stuff like that.” He’d probably have lasting scars from everything they’d done to him during his interrogation before and after the trial if they hadn’t forced him to heal it all before starting again. To this day, the trial itself and the events that accompanied it have been a frequent theme to any dreams he just happens to have. Another quiet sigh passes from in between full lips as he lowers his arm just after tapered fingers tuck the end of the gauze bandage beneath a neatly wrapped row and the Angel’s voice falls a little low as he lifts his other arm for his boyfriend to tend to. “…I feel bad for what they did to him… but, as bad as I feel for him and as angry as I am at my own people for being so messed up that they feel the need to destroy everyone’s lives they manage to touch, all I could think about while you were passed out was… how easily it could have been you and how glad I am that they’ve never caught onto me being free…” pink eyes rise up to meet midnight as the other man’s hands still when his words trail before Jun pulls his arm away while leaning forward and touching his forehead to Zephyr’s shoulder, his whispered words spoken directly against the Dark’s skin. “I feel bad for that guy Zeph, I really do… but I feel worse that you got hurt just because I happen to be a part of the stupidest race on the face of the planet…”
Zephyr: Warm breath washes over his skin as the Angel speaks and the throbbing of his head and the anger that’s threatening to rekindle are both pushed slightly aside by the emotion he hears in the voice of the one he loves. One arm wraps around Jun’s narrow waist while the other hand slips into soot stained strands of white hair. “Well, we both know your race is pretty stupid and royally fucked up,” he agrees. Slowly tilting his head to lessen the pain as much as possible, the Dark presses his lips just above the other man’s ear before continuing. “Just like we know that you’re the best thing to ever come out of it.” Jun has none of the cruelness or elitist attitude of the other Angels, none of their cold or hatred, either. Instead he’s sensitive and warm, loving and loyal, and a thousand other things that Zeph hasn’t been able to resist since the first day they met.
Midnight eyes slide down to the bandages wrapped so carefully around his arms. “Don’t be sorry that I got hurt because it’s not your fault. You know that I protect the ones I care about no matter what.” He always has and he always will. There’s nothing he won’t do when it comes to Jun’s safety, no danger he won’t face or pain he won’t endure. He’d warmed a lot of beds and messed around with a lot of people when he was younger, but he doesn’t give his love easily and this is one of the reasons why. He can’t love someone without wanting to protect them from harm; it’s just instinctual with him and would be easier not to breathe then to stop feeling that way.
Slender fingers comb through long white hair, reaching the ends before shifting upward to repeat the soothing motion. “It was my choice to jump into a fight with that guy—Lan, or whatever you said his name is—and even if I did get hurt, I wasn’t going to stand there and let him come after you. I’m sorry too if it’s true about what the Angels did to him and it’s all kinds of fucked up, but that doesn’t give him the right to attack you without any kind of warning.” A slight frown slips over pale features and Zeph’s hand tightens on Jun’s waist. “Seriously, the Bright live for all that honor, no-underhanded-tricks-bullshit and are always going on about how the Dark are somehow less than they are because we don’t buy into it.” An edge of frost creeps into the blonde’s tone. “If he thinks he can do shit like that and make assumptions without consequence, I will happily show him just how wrong he is...”
A few moments of silence fall over the pair, Jun continuing to lean against his shoulder as they sit on the large futon in the center of their room. Zephyr’s thoughts trace back to what the Angel had said about the two other Selestarri. “Did Sashi really say that Lan is his houseguest?” The pink and white haired man nods slowly. An even deeper frown spreads over the Dark’s face, turning immediately into a wince as agony lances through his head. Fucking psionic attack. He definitely has a few words for the telepath about using something so painful. “That doesn’t sound like him at all. My brother doesn’t really like other people, and he certainly doesn’t like the Bright after how they treated him as a kid.” The elder Selestarri had neglected and badmouthed Sashi every chance that they could from the time that he was a very small child, poisoning the older Dark against himself and filling him with a self-loathing that would continue to harm him years after the fact. Other than Aki, his brother had never really taken to any of them and generally avoided the Bright even though he was capable of killing any of them without much effort. “So even if this guy isn’t completely a Bright or whatever, why the hell did Sashi invite him to stay here? You know how private he is, especially about things like his home, so what the fuck is going on?"
Jun: “Yeah, I do know.” The pink and white haired Angel sighs, pulling his forehead free of the Dark’s shoulder and straightening to meet midnight eyes with his early dawn colored gaze. “Which is why I have no clue. He just told me that the guy was his guest and then he said all that stuff about what my people had done to him and how I shouldn’t really blame him for attacking me or something because of it.” Sliding a recently bandaged arm up, slender fingers slip into singed and tangled strands as Jun sits back while shaking his head. “Then after he said all that, he got Yamashita-san to go home and then came back to help me get you to our room. I dunno what he did after that because I was a little preoccupied with cleaning you up and making sure you were okay so I didn’t press him for anything else. I guess he took the guy to his own room maybe? Cause he’s not in the study anymore and he’s not in the other spare closest to us either…”
Untangling his fingers from his hair, the pink and white haired man lets out another sigh and falls forward suddenly, twisting his body around and to the side to land directly next to the blonde haired Dark. Furrowing his brows in the slightest when the pain in his arms streaks a fiery path beneath the wrapping that covers the wounds, the Angel tilts his head over to meet Zephyr’s gaze once more. “Sashi didn’t tell me anything else; he didn’t really talk to me at all when he was helping me get you here. Seriously, this whole thing is messed up, really fucking messed up so once you’re better, can you go and ask your brother what the hell is going on and then fill me in? Because I’m totally clueless here beyond what he said and that didn’t make a lot since to me to begin with…”
The Angel’s gaze slide up to the ceiling and he puffs the few stray strands of pink that had fallen across his face away before mid length white locks suddenly catch the corner his eye, a hard frown forming on full lips soon after. Reaching over without much thought, he wraps his hand around the nearest chunk of blackened strands and pulls it up to examine the singed ends. “Ah dammit.” He says, pulling himself back up while dropping his hair as pink eyes slide over to meet the Selestarri’s once again “My hair is totally screwed isn’t it?” Zephyr attempts an amused smirk before it slips quickly into a grimace. “Shit – sorry.” Jun apologizes quickly before slowly lowering his head onto the shoulder besides him, allowing his eyes to slide shut a moment later and keeping his voice low as he continues to speak.
“You know… I think next time you want me to come up here, you’re going to have to do more than cook me some pancakes. Especially if that guy is going to be here all the time…” slowly reopening his eyes, the pink and white haired Angel’s voice dips a little low. “I don’t want you to get hurt again because of me…and if he’s hating on me just because I’m an Angel then what’s stopping him from coming at me all over again? It’s not like I can just stop being what I am and I can’t fight that freaky fire thing he’s got going on either… He’s got Angelic blood in him, Sashi didn’t even have to tell me it was there because I could smell it, and I know how to fight that. But that other stuff… it didn’t seem like regular magic and it’s not anything we’re capable of as far as I know. I mean, I guess it’s possible that the Highers have developed something over the years that I don’t know about since I’m not in the Society anymore and maybe when we get back I should talk to Taz to see if he knows anything about it to find out…” Not that he actually wants to know anything at all when it comes to his people… but this magic or whatever it is was strange and not something he’d ever run into before. If the Angels were making a habit of genetically altering people the way they did with Lan, then he should learn at least that much so he can figure a way to defend both himself and his boyfriend against it in the future.
“God… my people are just so fucked up.” Jun says quietly. The idea of having to find a way to defend himself and the person he loves against a controlled element would be laughable if it weren’t for the burning pain in his arms and the messed up state the blonde is in after being attacked with it. “How the hell are we supposed to fend off fire that the guy didn’t seem to even have to call on in order to throw at us?”
Zephyr: Damaged fingers rise to trace along the curve of the Angel’s jaw, blonde hair shifting into midnight eyes as he shakes his head. “I don’t know. That kind of magic isn’t normal for us either; ours has to be channeled through the patterns, not just spontaneously released like that.” Whatever the hell it is, he’s not just going to stand around trying to figure it out if that Bright is attacking Jun. Yeah, it really sucks if he was held captive and experimented on or something, and seriously, he doesn’t put anything past that race of elitists, but that doesn’t give him the right to go after innocent people—especially when one of those innocent people just happens to be his boyfriend. He doesn’t care if the Bright is Sashi’s guest or not, if the guy really has so little control over his magic and can’t tell that this particular Angel means him no harm, then he deserves what he gets.
The touch of soft lips against the tips of his fingers pulls Zeph from his thoughts, his dark blue gaze shifting to meet dawn-tinted pink. For a moment he can’t help but to stare, caught in the depths of the eyes he loves so much, the one he can never resist, the one he will keep safe no matter what. “More than pancakes,” the Selestarri finally says. “You’ll get more than pancakes.” A frown sweeps over pale features, eliciting an aching throb form his head in response, although this time he’s able to keep it from showing on his face. “You’re a guest here, too, so that doesn’t give anyone the right to make you feel responsible in any way.” The Dark lifts his hand to touch at the slightly singed pink bangs that frame the Angel’s face. “I’m sorry if Sashi said anything that made you think that. We both know that public relations aren’t exactly his best set of skills, and besides how the hell could we know he’s housing some fucked up Bright?”
Anger threatens to return, frigid and sharp, and Zephyr carefully eases his shoulder out from under Jun’s head and pulls himself from the bed. Ragged spots of white slide through his vision for a second and he’s forced to close his eyes and concentrate on remaining on his feet until it passes. “I’m going to get our answers,” he tells the Angel before walking slowly toward the door.
[Sashi,] the telepathic call spins out in the direction that he can sense his brother in. [I want a word…]