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Story
+ Angel Hunt ~ Streifen +
Future Effects
Twenty Years brings many changes...
A story collaboration between Angel Hunt and Streifen
Twightlight
[05]
[++]
After he’d thanked Sashi, he’d come back to his room to think on it all. He’d thought his mind was too crowded for him to sleep, but it seems it all over took him and he must have slipped under anyway. Yellow eyes move over to the small window at the far end of the room and he stares at the heavily falling snow blanketing the deeply shadowed sky beyond. From the looks of it though, he hadn’t slept for very long… but while he was under, he’d been dreaming about her again, about the day she died.
How many years has he thought about that day? How many years have the events streamed through his mind’s eye over and over and over? How many years had he replayed it, wishing he could go back and change it somehow? How many years had he wished to be granted death so he could not only escape the torture he was being made to endure, but so he could be with her again…? He loved her with all his heart, could never see another when she filled everything in his world. She was his friend, his partner, his everything… how many years had he dreamed of being able to see her again, just once even so he could say he was sorry for letting her die? How many years has he longed to see her smile, to hear her voice again? And now… now that the Dark is granting him this chance something was still wrong because instead of feeling joy, he’s finding himself almost… apprehensive, that ache he’d felt earlier when he was with Sashi seems to have flared a hundred fold. For the first time in years, his thoughts aren’t just of her; they also rest on the one at the opposite end of the house. And he feels… wrong because of it. Wrong because he’s feeling something he should not be feeling at all, wrong because it almost feels like a betrayal and he doesn’t understand why.
Also Sashi had seemed almost angry when he’d come back, his words had been short and tinged in an emotion he can barely describe. Pain… hurt… maybe. Whatever it was, he doesn’t like it either, and he can’t shake the feeling that he’s the cause. Was it because he’d left him? Was it because he’d touched him at all? He had told him he wouldn’t leave him alone then he’d done it anyway and even though he did that because he’d found himself wanting more than a simple kiss despite not having any right to wish it, he’d still said one thing and done another…
Lan slips his fingers free of his hair and twists himself up, pulling the heavy comforter free of his slender frame and rising to his feet a moment later. He needs to make it right. Sashi has been kind to him, he’s given him so much in such a short amount of time and now he’s even granting him access to his partner so he needs to fix whatever it is that needs fixing. Long legs carry him through the darkened halls of the house towards the raven haired Selestarri’s room soon after. Yellow eyes stare at the wood and paper for many long minutes before he reaches out to touch his palm to the frame of the door. [Sashi…I…] the Dark’s name barely leaves his mind when the door slides open and he’s met with the shadowed figure of the man he’d come to see. Curling his fingers back, Lan remains as silent as the one before him, both gazes locked before something flashes hard in storm cloud grey eyes and Sashi simply turns around in order to move back into his room. The look he’d been given causes the Bright to step forward before he realizes what he’s doing and wrap long arms around the telepath’s form, freezing him in his tracks. Leaning down in the slightest, Lan’s face sinks against Sashi’s neck, his words leaving him in barely a whisper [I’m sorry… if I’d done something…] He trails. He doesn’t know what it is, doesn’t understand even his own feelings, but he needs to make it all better in some way. Tightening his grip around the man in his arms, the white haired Selestarri holds the Dark close for a few moments longer before he manages to continue […please let me comfort you…]
Sashi: The dim light from the small lamp beside the bed casts shadows across the ceiling, the glow barely able to halt the darkness that creeps toward the figure curled on the bed. The quiet hum of two separate space heaters is the only noise in the room, the silence from the snowy night outside seeming to blanket even the spaces within the thickened winter walls. The telepath lies curled around the Hound that shares the mattress, damp black locks spread across the blankets in a messy tangle. At his side is a hardcover book, gold gilded pages opened, but completely ignored. He’d tried to read but his thoughts kept interfering with his concentration, gray eyes doing little more than skimming across each paragraph until he’d finally given up.
Threading his fingers deep into thick blue fur, Sashi stares absently at the rise and fall of Kiri’s body as the animal breathes steadily in and out. His thoughts are jumbled and confused, his emotions tattered and sore. He feels hurt, but the only cause he can decipher is his own flattened, misplaced expectations. He has no right to feel this way, no justification to have had the feelings in the first place. How desperate is he anyway? Someone appears on his doorstep and he just automatically wants to have all his wounds healed and loneliness eased? It’s pathetic and reeks of such desperation that it sickens him. The Bright has been kind to him when so few ever have, touched him with gentleness and care and sent everything spinning in only one full day. He shouldn’t want to be close with a person whom he barely knows and who appeared from nowhere. It’s only going to lead to more hurt and another case of unrequited feelings, and honestly he’s not sure he can live through that again even if it means he’ll be alone for the rest of his life. Things will be easier if he just steps back and maintains formality and distance, treating the white-haired Selestarri strictly as a guest. Sashi runs his fingers through Kiri’s coat and sighs. Deep inside he doesn’t want to do that at all. He wants to share things with someone who will finally understand, he wants to help Lan heal from what’s been done to him, and he doesn’t want to be alone anymore. In the end though, what he wants doesn’t really matter.
The sudden flare-up of magic pulls the Dark’s attention away from his thoughts, the intensity the same as he’d felt earlier in the day. Even without extending his telepathy he knows Lan is locked in another nightmare, and although it’s his first instinct to go and help the Bright, Sashi forces himself to lie still. It’s better if he doesn’t get involved and allows Lan to work through things on his own... right? The answer doesn’t come to him, but after a moment the distress from across the house subsides and he curls in tighter around the Hound, gray eyes slipping closed. He wants this day to end, wants the pain that he can’t fully understand to stop tearing at him. Tomorrow will be difficult too, but he can at least take some comfort in the fact that he’ll be repaying Lan’s kindness from today by linking him with his dead partner.
Wrapped once again in his own thoughts, he doesn’t realize that his guest is moving toward him until the Bright stops directly before his door. Lying still, Sashi struggles between ignoring his presence and wanting him to enter, going back and forth in his head for several long minutes while Lan remains in the hallway, unmoving. Finally, the Dark slides off the mattress and crosses silently over the tatami mats, determined to find out what it is that Lan wants so that he can return to his bed. Quiet words reach his mind just as his hand touches the door frame and he slides the panel back, thundercloud gray meeting sun warmed yellow. Their gazes lock and something sharp twists deep within the raven-haired Selestarri once again, something he tries desperately to haul back, but that sends a mix of sadness and hurt cascading through him. He knows it’ll be visible in his eyes and it’s not fair for Lan to have to see it and so he wrenches away and turns to move back into the room.
Long arms wrap around his waist and the now-familiar heat washes over him, halting the telepath after just a few steps. Warm breath on his neck sends a slight shiver of fire pulsing down his spine. The whispered apology and offer of comfort almost shatter him completely and he leans just slightly into the one behind him. More than anything he wants to accept this time and allow Lan to show him more of the gentleness that was begun that afternoon, despite his resolve to treat the Bright only as a guest and nothing more. The decisions of just a few minutes ago disintegrate in the heat that incases him and warms him as nothing else has ever done. He cannot say no to this kind of care, he’s just not strong enough. It’s not fair to Lan though, not when he doesn’t understand what’s driving the Dark’s actions. Sashi sighs quietly, taking in the sensation of being held before he forces out the halting words. [You did nothing wrong... I just… earlier…] Nothing seems to form as a complete sentence and for the millionth time he wishes he were like Aki or his brother, who could talk freely about how they felt. They made it seem so easy and yet he can never get it right, always unable to accurately express all the things inside of him.
Closing his eyes, the Dark’s hands knot in the loose fabric of his hakama and he takes a deep breath. He needs to get it out so that Lan understands, so that he’ll see why Sashi’s so stupid and weak and why he’s acted how he has over the past day. [The wounds inside of me that hurt, the ones that still leave me damaged are not the same as yours. Once they were, but that was several years ago and time has healed them over.] The dark-haired Selestarri’s voice is slightly flat and toneless as he pushes every word out through the walls that surround him. The effort is huge and his body’s begun to shake with the strain of the emotion. [I want… to not have this loneliness anymore. I want to know what it’s like to love someone and to be loved in return even though I’m still kind of fractured and broken. I’ve never known anything like that, but I want to…] Once it had been offered and he’d refused, unable to believe that he was deserving of such a thing. He’d let it slip through his fingers and paid for it over and over again. [When you appeared yesterday, it all got sharper, the realization of just how much I want someone special. I have no right to desire those things from you, though. Just because you’re the first person I’ve ever met who’s been through similar experiences, who might possibly understand as no one else ever has, doesn’t give me the right…]
Sashi’s heart is racing in spite of his flat words, a trickle of fear suddenly taking hold of him. Fear that Lan will walk out the door? Fear that the hope he had only so recently felt blossom for the first time in years would be crushed? He doesn’t know the answers, only that he feels more vulnerable and exposed than he has in a very long time. Storm tinted eyes open and he stares at the empty bed, the only traces of the Hound’s presence a slight indent on the blankets. [So now you understand why I’m so needy and pathetic, and even though we promised to support and comfort one another, I won’t hold anything against you if you choose to leave…] White knuckled fingers grip even tighter in the loose fabric and he steels himself for the rejection he knows is coming, even as a last desperate, silent plea fills his mind. Please… please don’t leave…
Lan: Yellow eyes slowly open as the Dark’s toneless and flat words trail and he straightens while sliding his hands up along the trembling body in his arms. His lips slip to Sashi’s ear, warm breath washing over the telepath’s skin as the Bright speaks quietly within “Didn’t I already tell you…?” wrapping scarred fingers around narrow shoulders, the white haired Selestarri slowly turns the Dark in his grip, his sun warmed gaze meeting storm grey soon after [I kept living for you Sashi…] Slipping a hand away from one of his shoulders, Lan slides it towards the other man’s mouth. Tilting his head in the slightest, yellow eyes slowly trace the details of Sashi’s every feature as his fingers move softly across his lips. [I spent over a year since I’d gained my freedom, just searching for another, years of being alone…] years before he’d managed to break free thinking he was the last, then nearly a year after of not being able to sense any of their kind at all… no Bright… no Dark… not even Streaked. So many years of feeling completely and utterly alone even when he was trapped in the center of an ocean full of people… A loneliness that only grew as the days went on, one he’d thought would never end… until the day before yesterday.
Slipping his fingers away, he slides his head forward and brings full lips in close, his mouth just barely brushing against the Dark’s […and you were here waiting…] leaning completely in to close the minimal gap between them, the kiss begins slow and gentle at first but rapidly deepens as the moments stretch on. That longing has returned; the want and need to have more of this beautiful person before him. It’s been so long since he’d felt this kind of heat inside, so long since he’d even wanted to… it was so different than the fire he carries within him, an emotion he’d all but forgotten until Sashi invaded his thoughts to spark it and again he finds himself wanting to feel much more, so much more…
Would she understand? Would she forgive him for his desire? Would she forgive him at all…?
The white haired Selestarri slowly breaks away, eyes the color of the sun rising up to once again meet grey as his fingers slide out of thick inky strands and touch near the line of the other man’s jaw. [I made a promise not to leave, Sashi… to stay with you for as long as I’m wanted, to comfort and warm and I have every intention of keeping that promise…] keeping his gaze constant, the Bright trails his hands down the slender frame at his front, scarred fingers tracing each detail of cloth and skin as he makes a slow path to the hands still tangled in loose hakama pants. [They took everything from me, destroyed my entire world in a few short moments…a world I never dreamed I’d see form again. A world I’d nearly given up hope on… I’m also damaged… fractured and broken beyond recognition. There’s a hole deep inside of me that the fire can’t even touch…] Gripping one of Sashi’s wrists, he carefully pulls his hand away from the fabric and slides it up to touch tattooed fingers directly over his own heart. […here…] a slow smile forms on his lips as thunder cloud colored eyes fall to the place his hand is resting.
[Can you feel it beating beneath my chest…? It was buried so deep that the only thing it allowed me to feel was pain and hurt. I truly thought it was so far beyond repair… that I’d never be whole again… until I met you.] releasing the telepath’s hand, Lan reaches out and touches his fingers to caramel colored skin, one palm at a time gently resting on the built chest before him as he continues to speak [And now, for the first time in more years than I can remember I don’t feel so broken, I don’t feel so alone. For the first time in more years than I can remember I want that hole filled so I’ll feel something besides despair …] Slipping his hands across Sashi’s chest, he makes another slow path out towards his shoulders […and even though I don’t have the right myself, and it might be just as needy and pathetic… I want that hole filled by the only person that has given me hope after all these years, the only person I’ve met who could understand the loneliness and the fear, the pain and the hurt…] stepping around the Dark’s slender frame, he stops directly behind him and touches his fingertips to Sashi’s lower back, trailing them along each rise and fall of muscle and cloth beneath his palms as he traces his way up. Slipping marked hands into long layered ebony strands, the Bright pushes his hair off to his side to send it cascading over a shoulder.
The Dark’s head drops forward and his eyes slide shut as the white haired Selestarri’s body presses in close from behind. Sashi’s lips part to allow the softest of sounds free as Lan’s fingers wrap around his wrists, folding both of their arms across his front to lock him into a tight embrace. [You… Sashi…] leaning down to touch his lips once again to the delicate curve of the telepath’s exposed ear while he continues to hold him tight, his mouth skims the line of flesh soon after, causing the subtlest of shivers to wrack the frame in his arms. Sashi’s head falls back against his shoulder his lips ghost down to move over the long line of his neck, taking care to leave no inch of skin untouched [I want to comfort… to heal…] his teeth scrape so lightly at the junction where shoulder meets neck, pulling a sharp gasp from the man pressed into him so close. [to be whole again…] releasing his grip on Sashi’s wrists, Lan’s fingers trickle down along the dark fabric covering toned thighs before twisting around to make a pathway up to the loosely knotted ties at his waist. […I want to be able to show you what it means to love…]
Partially filmed over eyes slide open and he traces his lips back up to the Dark’s ear, whispering softly as he begins to pull the ties free. “And be loved in return…”
Sashi: It doesn’t seem real. Everything he’s wanted, that he’s been waiting on all these years… an end to the loneliness, a person who can understand and maybe even accept him for who he is… someone who might love him and whom he can love as well… all being offered to him when he least expected it. There is no way to explain what he’s feeling, no words accurate enough to describe all the emotions that shift through him like a whirlwind. The Bright’s words and his gentle, exploring touch slam hard into the walls he’s kept wrapped around himself, the once strong barriers threatening to crumble with each passing second. Slow fire trails over his skin with every graze of fingertips or brush of velvety lips, the sensation so different from that which he’d experienced with others in the past. There’s no distance, or disaffectedness, no pain or blood, just care and softness and an entire world of things he’s never felt before. A world that he wants very much to be shown by the one who even now holds him as if he’s made of the most fragile glass.
The ties that keep the hakama bound around his narrow waist slip free as the Bright slowly tugs them loose and gray eyes slip closed as soft breath warms his ear and neck. [I think…] He’s having a hard time pulling his thoughts together amidst the storm of emotion that swirls through his head. [I think I would like it very much if you’d show me those things, if you would stay here with me so that neither of us has to be alone anymore…] In fact there is nothing he wants more right now. He’s sick of dealing with the loneliness that never seems to leave him no matter how long the ones he cares about visit or how many people he sleeps with. He wants it to end, wants to know what it’s like to have someone special and the Bright is the only person in so long that he feels can understand. They may not know each other well, but at the moment he wants to believe the Bright’s promises, he needs to believe them because otherwise the wounds are too deep, too fresh and raw to deal with.
Another sharp gasp slips from between the telepath’s lips as the hakama puddles around his feet, leaving him in only the kimono top that’s already barely clinging to one shoulder. [And I’ll do my best to return it all, to help you heal, to fill the holes, to feel…] Sashi pauses momentarily as everything sinks a little deeper, the meaning behind Lan’s words warming the places in him that had been cold for as long as he can remember. […loved…] God, he really does want it all, so much more than he really should… The Dark is still concerned about the faith that Lan has placed in him, but it’s a faint worry at the moment, overshadowed by the sense of being honored that the white haired Bright finds him to be deserving in the first place. He may not be strong enough to help mend what’s broken in either of them and he may shatter under the strain, but for the time being it doesn’t matter. Right now there’s only the promise of hope and the interest in trying, the worries put aside so that they can each benefit from comfort that’s so badly needed.
Storm tinted eyes slide open and he turns his head enough to meet the gaze of the slightly taller Selestarri before shifting so that they face each other again. Reaching up to brush his fingers against feather soft, snow colored locks, Sashi leans in for another kiss, the touch of their lips sending a thrilling spiral of heat and happiness surging directly to his core. The taste of the Bright washes over him as the kiss deepens, heat and smoke so delicious that long moments pass before he can break away. Gold streaked eyes follow the path of tanned fingers as he slowly traces a trail down the line of Lan’s neck to the edge of the kimono. [When you said that you’d stay and that you wanted to know more about me, I felt hope for the first time in so long…] A quiet moan escapes the telepath’s throat as scarred hands find the ridge of his hips and continue slowly upward. Jolts of electric fire flash down every nerve with even the slightest movement of the other man’s hands and the need and desire are becoming more demanding with each second that passes. [It’s been a very long time since anyone has really been interested in me and not just what they may or may not gain by my association…] His fingers move lightly down Lan’s chest to the tie that holds the garment closed and he eases the knot free. [I never thought that hope would feel so warm that even the coldest parts of me could sense it…]
Silken fabric slides open to reveal damage that he’d only caught glimpses of up to now. Precision straight scars riddle the narrow frame, interspersed with circular puncture wounds and marks from surgical stitches. In some places entire pieces of skin seem to have been removed and replaced with grafts of other creatures whose pigmentation does not even begin to match that of the Bright. Sashi had taken wounds in fighting and in other ways that had left marks, but the deliberate and sterile look to these scars leaves him feeling chilled. The cruelty needed to do such a thing is beyond him. Lan tenses up as the raven-haired Dark carefully studies him and Sashi gets a distinct sense of unease from the one before him. Dropping his head down, he presses his mouth just above Lan’s heart and long fingers skim across the muscle beneath battered flesh, taking the time to trace every curve and edge. [I think sometimes this is what I must look like inside, all broken up and pieced back together. Reminders of the same pain, only carried differently…]
The Bright slides his hand beneath Sashi’s chin to tilt his face upward for another long kiss. The longing inside of him is growing more and more intense and he can feel his magic beginning to stir behind its barriers. He wants to taste and feel more of this person who has offered him so much and as they pull away, he stretches up on his toes just enough to wrap his arms around Lan’s neck. Their bodies press together seamlessly, the contact causing them both to quietly gasp. His face just inches away from the Bright’s and lips barely brushing, Sashi whispers, [will you warm my bed tonight, Lan?]
Lan: Storm tinted eyes move away from yellow to study the various marks riddling his slender form when fingers slip the tie to his kimono free. Tensing despite himself, he can’t help the uneasy feeling that washes over him as the Dark’s gaze travels over every detail of marked flesh. His body is so damaged, parts of it not even his own anymore and he often forgets the reaction he’ll illicit from it until it actually happens. Those reactions liked to bring the events tumbling back in, dragging them forcibly to the front of his consciousness as a constant reminder of what had been done. It’s one reason he’d kept himself bound away since he’d broken free… the stares he’d get or the looks of pity sent his way always bothered him, he didn’t want any of it - didn’t need the reminder when he was incapable of forgetting it as it was and for a few tense moments that seem to stretch on forever, he wonders if Sashi will do this too, if he’s so mutilated outwardly that he’ll be unable to see past the scars or see past the damage and the fractures to find him beneath it all. But the fears and doubts melt away when the telepath’s words reach him and his head drops so that lips as soft as velvet can touch at the spot just above his heart. Faded sun colored eyes slide shut soon after and he soaks in each jolt of fiery electricity tattooed fingers cause while they explore every single inch of scarred over skin.
Marked fingers find Sashi’s structured chin, lifting his head up to meet in a kiss that rapidly deepens. Everything inside of him had begun to flair instantly alive… the need to taste more of the Dark, to feel so much more, all sparking hard beneath his skin and as the telepath slowly slides his mouth away and leans up to wrap long tanned arms around his neck, the hot breath against his lips and seamless way their bodies slide together causes the sensations coursing through him to intensify a thousand fold. Slipping his hands down over slim hips and marking a path to his thighs, the Bright lifts him up just as their mouths meet once again and he turns swiftly to carry the telepath to the empty futon waiting so patiently behind.
[It’s not your bed I wish to warm…] he says as he breaks away, mostly filmed eyes meeting tainted cloud colored grey. [It’s you] Layered ebony plaits spill onto the thick mattress and pools around him like a deep lake of ink as the Bright carefully eases Sashi into the bedding below. Crawling forward, the open kimono cascades over his slender form as damaged fingers find the Dark’s ankles, full lips following soon after. Sliding his legs up and propping his body onto his elbows, Sashi inhales sharply as the white haired Selestarri’s mouth begins to glide along his skin, his fingertips trickling in his wake as he traces a slow path up along long, shapely legs. Reaching his inner thigh, Lan’s filmed gaze slides partially shut, his head tilting in the slightest and feather soft strands of snow colored hair grazing his flesh as he runs his cheek along perfectly toned caramel colored skin. Shining gold streaked eyes slip shut and Sashi’s head falls back, tattooed fingers twisting in the heavy bedding as the other man continues to move closer and closer to excited flesh.
The Bright takes his time to explore every inch, full lips teasing so carefully around him, but never quite making contact. His hands slide past his face, trickling over each rise and fall of muscle of the narrow frame beneath him, making sure he knows each and every inch. There’s so many emotions tumbling through him right now, the overwhelming rush of fire hitting him so hard that it nearly takes his breath away. He never thought he’d be able to desire someone again the way he does now, never thought he’d want to touch and hold or taste and feel another the way he does the Dark. There’s more to it than a simple desire to comfort, more than a desperate desire to ease the loneliness between them. He wants to know Sashi, to feel him both inside and out, to touch him, hold him, show him how it can be to love, to find love in return... Each graze, each touch, each sharp intake of air, each subtle moan that escapes Sashi’s lips, every single sensation seeps so far into him, slipping easily past battered flesh, past the coldness and hurt, the pain and despair to fill his very core. He can hear Sashi’s racing heartbeat, smell the blood pumping hard through his veins, feel both their magics straining to be let free and run rampant through their bodies. It causes everything inside of him to stir, fuels the burning need that’s building with each passing second, sparks emotions and feelings he truly thought had long since been dead.
Lan smiles, enjoying the way the raven haired Selestarri’s body shudders subtly beneath him for a few moments longer as he continues to tease around the silken skin of his thighs before he relents, his mouth sliding over to ghost so very slowly along the hard length. Sashi moans softly when he reaches the tip, his tongue sliding out to circle velvet flesh just a moment after. Gold eyes snap open and travel down to meet his own momentarily before another grin crosses full lips, wrapping his mouth completely over and sliding it down to take him in to the base. A loud moan rings out throughout the dimly lit room as the Dark’s back hits the bedding beneath, tattooed fingers finding white strands as narrow hips push deeper into the wet heat that surrounds him…
Sashi: He had never known that intimacy with another person could feel like this. In the past, where there had always been biting and marking of flesh, there were now soft lips and warm breath, scratching, tearing fingers are replaced with teasing, gliding hands that explore every inch of him, rough handling is now gentle touching meant to excite and not wound, the thick, metallic scent of blood was now sweat, smoke, and fire. So many new things for him, things he’d always wanted but had never allowed another to give him. All the ones who had come before were just temporary things to be used for the purpose of immediate satisfaction and then put aside, he could never imagine anything with them except blood, pain, and violence. This is all different, though. Lan is someone who understands, someone whom Sashi doesn’t want to put aside after they’ve both satisfied their physical desires, and it’s because of those things that he can give himself like this—without the harm and bloodshed. That the Bright is willing to bring gentleness and kindness to his bed seems only to cement the idea that what is happening between them is no quick fuck.
Hell, the fact that Lan is even in his bed right now takes Sashi back a bit. All these years and all the ones he’d slept with before had never been brought to his bed. Hotels, dirty club bathrooms, other people’s beds or couches, his bungalow on Nova, but never his actual bed, his personal space. To bring one of those others here would have been like allowing them into the furthest corners of his mind, it was too much of an invasion. There are other rooms in this house, other places they could have gone, but it had just seemed right, and the question he’d never asked another person so easily slipped out of his mouth.
Golden eyes slide shut as he lets every moment of Lan’s slow exploration sink deeply into him. Fire crawls over his skin with each sweep of long fingers or the barest graze of velvety lips, warming him in ways he’s never felt before. Feather soft hair brushes his thighs; each strand creating a million tiny sparks that burn straight through him. Every single muscle and curve is being traced with such care and gentleness, as if Lan were trying to commit him to memory. White spots flash behind closed lids, his entire being riveted to the movements of the one who’s making him feel so amazing. Falling into a haze of desire, Sashi feels nothing except the Bright, not the bed beneath him or the warm air, everything revolves around him and the feelings he elicits with such ease. Head thrown back and fingers clenched in the heavy blankets and sheets, he takes it all in, the excitement building as the Bright inches towards straining flesh with teasing slowness. He can’t stop his body from shaking or his heart from racing at the smallest shift from the other Selestarri, just as he can’t stop from moaning and whimpering at the sensations that his touch creates.
The faintest graze of lips against hardened flesh snaps golden eyes open and rips him from the haze, electric wildfire streaking through his veins as the swipe of Lan’s tongue sends him spinning. Filmed over, milky eyes meet his for a moment, a grin flashing over his mouth before the Bright plunges downward and Sashi’s world is seared with blinding white. Distantly he can hear his cry echo through the room and feel his body collapse against the mattress, but the sound is blunted by the incredible liquid heat that’s wrapped around him. Tattooed fingers unknot from the blankets to tangle in snow colored stands, his hips pressing upward, seeking as much of the heat as he can get. Oh, fuck… he wants it to burn straight through him, to be consumed by the fire of this beautiful Selestarri until there is nothing left but ash. [Don’t…] the words are incredibly hard to form when he’s so distracted by the tingle of every nerve in his body. [Don’t stop… please…] Slowly Lan begins to move, each action drawn out and stringing him along, winding the Dark tighter and tighter until it feels as though he’ll explode from the tension.
The magic within him stirs with more intensity behind thick barriers, seeking to be unleashed and mix with the lust and need that’s screaming through him. Freeing only a small part of it, the energy trickles through him in golden streaks, gilding his blood and elevating the desire to a whole new level. Panting hard, the telepath can feel himself driven closer to the edge with every movement of the Bright, sweat beginning to slick his tanned skin. He wants to hold it in, to wait because he wants to feel so much more, and he tightens his grip in white strands in an attempt to stop the other Selestarri before stopping becomes impossible. [Lan…] he manages to get out, but any subsequent words are erased by the magic-laced need and Sashi can do little besides ride the wave of incredible sensations and emotions until it crashes… Blazing eyes slowly open as the Bright suddenly pulls away, his mouth touching down on the smooth skin just below the Dark’s navel and then continuing upward. His fingers untangling from shaggy locks, Sashi trails them down Lan’s back as he moves, his gaze locked on pale features as magic and lust and fire rake across his skin and sizzle straight to his core.
Twenty-four hours… it’s such a short amount of time for so much to happen. In the window he always sees in his mind when assessing himself, the cracks and fragments that he’s so carefully worked on patching up over the last twenty years are still inside him, some just as deep and flawed as they’ve always been, but the large empty section, the part he could never find the pieces to fill, seems somehow smaller. Is it Lan who’s filling it? Is it because there’s the chance, although slim, that the Bright is someone special who really will love him and accept his love in return? He doesn’t know the answers, doesn’t know anything right now beyond the fire that Lan’s kindled within him… Right now it’s enough that he’s here, enough that he’s staying and touching him with a careful gentleness that he’s never felt before. For only twenty-four hours, it’s more than enough…
Sashi tilts his head to expose more of his throat as soft lips ghost over his skin, heat trailing in their wake. Filmed over eyes meet fiery gold and Lan smiles as the Dark brings his fingers up to trace over his mouth before they’re drawn into another kiss. More magic seeps through his barriers as they stay locked together, and he notices again how good the Bright tastes, like cigarettes and fire. Reluctantly breaking apart, Sashi places his hands on toned shoulders and pushes Lan to the side, holding on as he moves so that they roll together, positions changed so that the telepath straddles the white-haired Selestarri’s stomach. Slipping backward a little, narrow hips grind hard against one another, their low moans echoing out into the darkened room as excited flesh meets. Dropping down onto his elbows, a black curtain of thick, inky strands spills across pale, scarred skin, the contrast between the two so stark. Sashi can feel the shadows gather around him, shifting to accommodate his new position and falling over both of them like a blanket pulled directly from the night sky.
Pressing his mouth along the sharp rise of the Bright’s collar bone, Sashi begins to carefully explore the one beneath him, taking in his scent and the softness of his skin, the way his heart races with the same wild pace as his own, the quickness of his breath… He can feel the magic rise in the other Selestarri just as it rises in him, the air becoming heavy and thick as the energy intensifies. Tattooed hands trace along Lan’s upper arms, running over the smooth muscle in swirling loops while the Dark shifts his head just over the Bright’s heart. [Is it filling up?] He whispers, golden eyes lifting to find filmy white. [Does it hurt less?] Would it be stupid to tell Lan that for at least right now, for at least this moment, the pain inside him is not quite as sharp? Having the Bright here and being told he’s cared for even if they are strangers, has eased it all and pushed it away for now, smothered with unexpected kindness. Dropping his gaze, Sashi turns and rests his cheek against Lan’s chest. The need and magic are flaring hard within him as is the ache in his hips to do more than press against those beneath him and he barely keeps it under control. He wants to be filled with the Bright, to feel his heat searing up into him… [I want one night of not feeling the pain, one night where nothing in the world matters beyond this room…] The telepath remains still, a shiver moving through him as scarred hands thread into layered hair. [One night of warmth like I’ve never felt before, inside and out…]
Lan: the strained whisper of his name pulls the Bright away from the onslaught of the Dark’s body and he slides his mouth free, trailing gently over to the smooth skin of his naval. He takes the same amount of time to explore every curve, winding his way slowly along the beautiful tanned flesh beneath him as he marks a heated path towards Sashi’s mouth. Tattooed fingers send trails of electricity spiraling beneath his skin while they trace over his lips, the barest hint of a smile forming before their mouths meet a moment later.
Deep moans blend with each other, spilling into the darkened room when narrow hips grind to lock excited flesh momentarily together, the sensations that travel through him as the Dark’s frame presses against his own threatens to strip away the last few ounces of control left that he’s managed to grip. Each word spoken from those lips and every breath he’s given continues to stoke the raging inferno already streaming around inside. There’s nothing more that he wants at this very moment… nothing more he’d rather give than to embrace the other Selestarri… to warm him both inside and out as he’d been asked, to show him the things he’d promised and maybe to be shown them in return, to be able to strip away Sashi’s pain and fill in the gaps that mark him until there’s no more fractures, no more holes… nothing to hurt him at this moment, or even ever again.
Full lips part to let a quiet gasp free as raven locks cascade across marked and scarred flesh, his milky white gaze riveted on Sashi’s every move as he begins to explore in kind, each and every inch of his own damaged skin. Fingers send circling torrents of fire racing beneath his arms, lighting up nerve endings he’d once believed to be gone and dead. Lan’s eyes slip closed when the Dark’s cheek comes to rest just above his heart, those whispered words that reach him pulling the softest of smiles to his mouth while his own fingers begin to inch their way up over the flawless body above him. [Right now Sashi …] he answers. [… The only thing I can feel is you…] The hole inside of his chest, the one that sinks so far down inside of him that not even his own fire can touch, suddenly feels nothing but full. Years of pain, years of loneliness, far too many years of suffering on his own… all melted away for now by this man he holds and who holds him in return. How can he tell Sashi what this all means? How could he even convey the words alone? To find someone here, waiting for him, someone who might give him purpose again, someone who needs him as much as he needs in return… someone that might be able to finally bring him back to life, someone who could spark this desire, fuel this lust and taint it with fire... it’s more than he dared hope for, better than he ever dreamed possible… To be given so much in such a short amount of time means more than he’ll ever be able to actually say.
[I want to give this night to you…] Lan says as marked fingers slip again into ebony strands in order to pull the telepath lower, his back just barely lifting free of thick bedding as he does so, the need to taste the delicious wet heat of the other Selestarri again too strong to continually ignore. Filmed over eyes meet shining gold, lips nipping gently before he presses back in for another kiss. […I’ll show you heat capable of burning it all away so there will be no more pain… no more hurt… no loneliness… no fear… no loss… I’ll cleanse it all so there will be nothing more to drown us…] his words spill in between kisses that become increasingly hard to break away from, the need that’s built inside of him raging to an almost deafening degree. His magic pushes hard, so strong in its demands that it threatens to take what little breath he has left away, but he continues to hold it at bay, refusing to give in just yet. Slipping one hand away from ink colored strands, trailing fingers slide swiftly down to wrap around Sashi’s slender waist in order to anchor his body in place as he sits them up only in the slightest. The renewal of moans spill into the stifling air when flesh meets flesh during the motion and it takes so much not to dive into the Dark right there. Lan’s head tilts to trace full lips along the other Selestarri’s structured jaw as he marks a burning path to the telepath’s ear while his free hand slides quickly beneath a toned, caramel colored thigh.
[…I‘ll warm you…] a hard shudder wracks both their frames and a sharp intake of air rips free of Sashi’s mouth when hardened flesh touches sensitive skin just below […both inside and out…] Unable to hold himself back any longer, the white haired Bright’s body slides into a searing heat that nearly rivals his own, the loud cry that tears free of the Dark’s mouth threatening to drown out that of his own. He remains still for only a moment, enjoying long since forgotten sensations as they shock wave through every inch before he slides Sashi back up, stopping just before he slips nearly free only to drop him down and thrust deeply back in a moment later. Fire continues to rip through every nerve, tinting his world in shades of yellow and red as he keeps his movements so very slow, lending as much thought as he can manage to lock down the raging magic, intent to draw out every shuddering second of contact no matter how badly his body screams at him to let it all free. Tattooed hands quickly find damp snow colored strands, the heated breath that washes over him when the telepath’s mouth falls to his neck, seeps so deeply into every pore. Sweat slicks both pale scarred and perfect tanned skin, adding to the friction between them with each new hard thrust in as he continues to drive into the Dark almost painfully slow…
Sashi: The sound of his own cry rings loudly in his ears as heated flesh slips deep inside, igniting the magic coursing through his blood with brilliant gold-tinted fire. His body arches back as the sensation blazes along his spine, kept in place only by the gentle hands that hold firmly around his waist. The overwhelming feeling steals the air from his lungs as it sears through him with a strength he isn’t used to. Fuck… how long has it been since he’s felt like this, warm inside and out? How long has it been since he’s found interest in another? No one has kindled anything even close to this in all these years. No one has been able to understand the pain, the ache, the loneliness… until now…
Lan slowly draws the Dark upward, lifting him almost free before easing his hold and allowing Sashi to drop down as he presses his hips upward, the deepness of the thrust threatening to strip away the fragile grasp he keeps on both his magic and desire. The energy he’s let slip through the barriers lights up every nerve as the Bright repeats the action, calling for him to completely unleash it. He holds back, though, desperate to keep it locked down just a little longer, to enjoy all this as long as he can. He’s never experienced such kindness and gentleness before and he wants it to last, wants to remember every moment of it just in case he never gets to feel it again. If he frees the magic it will be like dropping a match to gasoline—the demands of the need winding through him too much to deny. It kicks hard through Lan as well, he can feel the energy racing beneath his palms where they rest on scarred shoulders and can sense the magic surging through him, some of it so similar to his own and some of it foreign. The mix is hitting him even harder than normal, turning him on even without the scent of blood that so normally excites his faction of the race.
It’s difficult to concentrate on anything other then the friction of intertwined bodies or the fire that threatens to completely consume him, its flames spiraling so hot and so quickly that it really won’t be much longer before he loses control. Everything between them, around them, inside them is heat and sweat and magic and he loves it, loves how it encompasses all that it touches, how it wraps him tightly in Lan’s embrace. Blindly, Sashi slips his hands up toward pure white locks, fingers threading deep as he seeks a way to ground himself, to keep from truly being incinerated. Dropping his head down, he pants against marked skin, lips just touching Lan’s throat. […Show me…] he whispers before a loud moan is torn from him when their bodies meet flush. [Burn it all away… the hurt… the loneliness…] He’s so tired of pain, of the wounds that rip at him even after he’s sealed them up, of feeling like he’ll be alone forever… [Take it all so we can be free…] He wants to give himself to the Bright, even if it’s only for tonight, so that neither of them is alone.
The rhythm between them slowly gains speed, magic so thick in the air that it’s surprising they can breathe at all. The need rushing through the Dark’s body is screaming for satiation, driving him down harder, his legs shifting further apart to give the white-haired Selestarri the deepest access possible. Each snap of their bodies increases the hold the fire has over him, wiping away his thoughts with ease and leaving only physical sensation. The barriers keeping his magic held in check drop, the immense energy so strong that the wooden beams and walls groan under the pressure. He hears Lan gasp in surprise, but it sounds so far away, drowned out by the roar of gold-laced blood surging through his veins and electricity sizzling down every nerve. Lifting his head, fiery eyes meet milky white for a long moment, staring into the depths and trying to memorize them. He doesn’t want to forget anything that’s happening between them, anything the Bright has given him tonight. It’s such a rare thing, this kind of warmth and attention, and he wants always to be able to recall it, especially when the pain is sharp and all he can feel is misery…
Their mouths meet in the same instant that their hips grind hard against one another, spiking the electric wildfire into a frenzy and dragging him quickly over the edge. Fingers twist in snowy strands as hands grip tight at his waist, pulling him down so hard it feels as if he’ll break in two. Sashi hangs in freefall for a moment, the world narrowed to only the heat of the one beneath him before he crashes, a half-moan, half-whimper pulled from deep within and sent echoing into the room. Golden magic twists up through the Dark and merges with Lan’s, snapping through the air with a sound like breaking ice. Light bulbs shatter under the strain, plunging them into soft darkness and distantly, Sashi can feel the Bright overwhelmed by desire as well, slender hips thrusting one last time before liquid heat warms him deep inside.
Breathing hard and slick with sweat, they lean into one another, long minutes passing as bodies slowly calm and the world filters back in. Sashi remains still, hands sliding from damp hair and his head resting on Lan’s narrow shoulder as the aftershocks softly pulse through him. He’s been scoured raw by the combination of his magic and the other Selestarri’s, seared to his very core, and it feels… good. The pain is less sharp, the wounds less ragged and the intense loneliness eased. He doesn’t know how long it will last, or even if it’ll last at all, but in this moment he’s at ease. Sighing quietly, the raven-haired telepath relaxes in the shelter of Lan’s arms, realizing that for the first time in many years he’s in no hurry to get away like he usually is. The heat of the one wrapped around him is comfortable—Lan himself is comfortable—and he doesn’t want to give any of it up just yet. Fading golden eyes open to stare at the marked skin of the Bright’s throat before whispered words find their way out. [Thank you… for warming me…]
Lan: magic, so strong and immense that he can’t help the gasp that’s ripped free of his lips as it’s unleashed from the body he holds so tightly in his arms. The wooden beams in the room groan under the strain, the overwhelming energy slamming so hard against his own that it nearly takes his breath away. He’d felt this before, when Sashi had freed him from the grips of that nightmare and while once upon a time he might have cowered in fear for this sort of strength, all it does now is add to the friction that’s been raging between them, forcing hips to grind in harder, driving their bodies closer and closer together. He can’t remember how many years it’s been since he’d felt this way, how many years since he’d wanted to embrace another like this. It’s more than the physical satiation of their bodies, so much more. He wants to hold this man, keep him close, warm him and be warmed in return. He never wants to let these feelings go, never wants to lose the fire that streams beneath his skin at each place they touch, never wants to lose the contact or the need. When burning gold eyes meet his for a long moment, the depths he sees in those eyes threaten to drown him and he finds himself wanting to protect them, to burn away all the loneliness he sees and strip away the pain so it can never return.
Soft lips meet his in a fierce kiss, the hunger to taste this beautiful person spiking hard and edging his filmed over vision with a blazing fire that for the space of a moment he’s not even sure he’s managed to contain. Their bodies grind even harder together as their mouths remain locked and in that very instant they meet flush, he can feel Sashi’s hold slip, feel him soaring in freefall before diving over that desired edge. Fingers twist hard in snow colored strands as lips tear away, pulling the softest of moans from deep within as the edged pain slides along his spine. Marked hands grasp tight on slim hips as he drives in one final time while golden magic twists into his own, the air snapping audibly like the breaking of ice as both magics are let free to shatter what little light they have and plunge them into a soft darkness. Dropping his head down, the Bright’s quiet moans are nearly lost against sweat drenched skin as he slips completely off the edge only a moment after the raven haired Selestarri’s half-moan, half-whimper spills into the room.
Breathing heavily, scarred fingers slide away from tanned hips and slip around slick skin to lift him in the slightest and pull himself free before moving further up to embrace the telepath tight. A smile forms on full lips when whispered words reach him, partially filmed over yellow eyes opening and turning to meet gold tainted grey. His eyes sweep carefully over the raven haired Dark’s every feature, intent on taking every detail in before he slides his hand up to gently brush sweat dampened locks away from the other man’s line of vision. [And thank you… for setting me free …] slipping his fingers down to trace along Sashi’s jaw, Lan leans forward a moment later and presses his mouth in, the renewed kiss soft and so very slow.
The Bright’s face sinks against the wet skin where shoulder meets neck when he finally manages to pull himself away, his hold over the telepath’s body tightening as he embraces him once more. Many long minutes pass as he remains still, allowing their bodies to calm before he eases them down. It only takes the white haired Selestarri a few moments to arrange the body before him, sliding himself in close and pulling Sashi back against his own. A long scarred arm slides beneath the Dark’s frame, reaching down with the other to pull the heavy comforter up and cover them both. Slipping his arm beneath the bedding, he slides his hand up along Sashi’s body to join the first and cross them over his chest while he leans down in the slightest to touch full lips near the telepath’s ear. [Just for tonight… allow me to continue keeping you warm…] He knows that the Dark has no attachment to him beyond wanting to have the loneliness eased, that they are virtually strangers and that this will end sooner than he’d like… but for now he can be content, for now he’ll hold Sashi close, for now he’ll comfort him and feel comfort in return. Even if it’s all gone in the morning, for now he won’t let go. He can hear Sashi’s heartbeat drumming steadily beneath his chest, feel the warmth against his skin still lighting dulled senses and dead nerve endings up in ways he’d forgotten despite the act being done and gone. The comfort of holding another, of feeling another pressed in so close… it was all something he’d sorely missed and not something he wants to lose just yet. Would Sashi understand this need? Would he understand it enough to allow him to stay?
Lan circles the curve of his flesh once before pulling back just enough to leave the softest of kisses at the delicate skin hidden beneath long raven strands before he slowly lowers his head onto the pillows beneath them and lets his sun warmed eyes slip closed. [I’ll understand if you wish me gone from your bed in the morning… but for tonight, please understand that I can’t let you go…]
Sashi: The world tilts as the Bright carefully eases them down onto the mattress, gentle hands never leaving his body for more than the space of a moment as Lan arranges himself behind the Dark and then gathers Sashi against him. Soft fabric slides over his skin as the blankets are pulled over them, adding another layer to the cocoon of warmth already wrapped so tightly around his body. The telepath is suddenly very sleepy, lulled by the heat and the careful actions of the Bright. Long arms cross over his chest, locking him in a tight embrace and Sashi brings his hands up and places them over scarred skin, twining their fingers together. He nods just slightly when the request to stay the night is made, quite willing to share his bed. The sense of comfort intensifies as they lay in the dark, the strength of the one holding him close seeping in and continuing to soothe all the sharp edges and jagged wounds inside. It’s another first among what seems like many throughout the last span of hours. Normally he’s hurt and bleeding at this point, more broken inside then when he’d started and the last thing he wants is to be touched or held. This is all so different though, and he welcomes the feel of Lan’s body pressed against his, treating him so carefully and with such kindness that even as he fights to stay awake, Sashi doesn’t want to give any of it up just yet.
Gray eyes slip closed when warm breath and soft lips touch his skin, little trails of fire flaring beneath the surface as the white-haired Selestarri settles his head against the pillows and quiet words reach the Dark. Although knowing that Lan doesn’t want to stop holding him makes Sashi feel even warmer inside, he doesn’t want to think about the morning just yet because he knows what it’ll bring. He knows that there is every chance that by this time tomorrow, Lan will be aware of who Sashi is and why the rest of their race hates him and will want nothing more to do with him. There’s no way that his partner will fail to mention it, not when he saw the hatred in her eyes so clearly this afternoon. She’ll tell him and then all the promises made today will mean nothing. The first one he’s ever met who understands, who treated him with such care, who might be able to move past all the walls and see the person that’s been hidden away for all these years… But he won’t hold the Bright to the things he promised when he didn’t know who he was giving his word to.
Tattooed fingers gently squeeze the hands they’re wrapped around and for a moment Sashi remains silent, feeling Lan’s heartbeat against his back as he tries to find the words to say what he feels. Despite everything that he’s sure will take place in the morning, there’s a part of him that desperately wants to believe that Lan will stay and take away the deep loneliness that he’s felt so sharply over the years and show him what it is to have someone to love who loves him in return. More than anything he wants to believe it, but there is nothing to stop the Bright from just walking away. Aside from a few facts, they know nothing about one another and have no ties to bind them and so there is nothing to prevent him from getting hurt before all is said and done. He doesn’t know how to say all of this to Lan, though, how to explain what he feels. Hell, he can barely explain it to himself. [I don’t know what tomorrow will bring,] he finally whispers, thundercloud gray eyes opening to stare into the room’s soft blackness. [I know that sometimes things are different by the light of day, although…] Sashi trails off, trying to gather what he can of his trust. It’s never been easy for him to give and he doesn’t expect Lan to know just how much this takes for him to do. […although I wish for there to be no difference. You’ve given me more today than you know and I want to help you to heal if I can and for neither of us to be lonely anymore…] This takes so much and he’s sure he sounds needy and pathetic again. The raven-haired Selestarri sighs and sinks deeper into the one wrapped around him, the heat that comes from the Bright continuing to warm the places within him that are always cold. [I also want to share my bed with you, so please continue to hold me.] Because he needs it just as much…
Emotional and physical exhaustion are threatening to claim him, pulling him down into the darkness, and Sashi’s eyes slip closed once again. Still scared of what the dawn will bring, but comforted by the solidness of Lan’s body at his back, the telepath falls into sleep…
Lan: he remains silent as the Dark speaks, happier than he’d be able to convey that he’s not overstepping any more boundaries by wanting to remain at the other Selestarri’s side. A soft smile spreads on full lips as Sashi’s words trail, listening intently as his breathing slows while he gives himself over to the call of sleep. Scarred fingers squeeze tattooed hands gently as he slides his head down to bury his face in drying strands of black. The white haired Bright takes a deep breath in, content for the first time in far too many years at just being able to hold the other man tight.
[You’ve given me so much in return…] he whispers to the sleeping Dark, squeezing him a little closer against his body. [Did you know? …I haven’t smiled a real smile in years, Sashi, I haven’t felt hope for longer than I can even remember now… I’ve been in so much pain, lost and completely alone…] Yellow eyes slowly open to stare into ebony locks, the pause only momentary before he continues again. [But for these few fleeting moments, you’ve taken that all away and… I almost feel whole again… so I’ll stay by your side, holding you for as long as you’ll let me because I want to protect you, to help you heal as you want to help me… I want to see you smile…] Lan sighs as he allows his eyes to slip closed once more, fighting unsuccessfully at the sleep that wants to take him as well. [When I see you smile for me, Sashi… I know I’ll be able to do the same in return…]
With his final whispered words, the Bright’s battle against the same exhaustion that had already claimed the telepath in his arms takes him over and he slips into a dreamless sleep for the first time in many, many years…
Early morning light filters into the house through the snow-laden branches of trees in the garden to cast long shadows against the floors and the morning hush that grips the surrounding mountains seeps in through the thickened winter walls. Feet clad in soft indoor slippers move silently through the hallways, the only sound the soft whisper of kimono fabric as the small lady walks with practiced care. Turning the corner of the corridor, a cold feeling of sadness settles over her as dark eyes fall on the open door to the room Lan-sama had been given. A quick glance at the empty bed and the strips of cloth strewn across the tatami mats confirms that the man is indeed gone, although his clothing remains in the neat pile she’d left yesterday beside the futon. She had hoped… Yamashita-san shakes her head just slightly and busies herself with scooping up the abandoned fabric before stepping back into the hallway.
Entering the study, she’s surprised to find the usual tray of empty teacups unaccounted for, nor is there the usual fresh scent of cigarette smoke. Knowing full well that it is not her place to interfere with those above her but unable to help the concern she feels for the master of the house, the Japanese woman allows her steps to move in the direction of his room, a small thread of hope fluttering in her chest. It is none of her business and she should get on with preparing the morning meal, but it goes against all of her motherly instincts not to worry about him. Hisashi-sama is always alone and although he tries to hide it, she can see how much it hurts him. When Lan-sama had appeared yesterday, she’d seen the same thing in him, and so she’d broken decorum and asked him to take care of the raven-haired man.
Kneeling beside the door, she eases it back on well oiled hinges, her eyes taking a moment to adjust to the shadowy light. There is no sound from within and she lifts her gaze from the mats to the bed, a small smile flickering across her mouth before she shuts the door once again…
Sun warmed eyes slide open just as the door to the darkened room closes before them. Lan stares at the spot the Housekeeper had just been, listening without movement to her near silent steps as they slowly move down the hallway before he allows his eyes to close once again.
He’s not sure how many hours have passed since he slipped out of sleep’s hold, he doesn’t really care either. He’d woken from a night free of the usual nightmares to find Sashi still locked within his arms. A wave of relief had washed over him then, to find that it was all still real… that this man he’s keeping closer to his body than should be allowed hadn’t faded away. That he hadn’t found himself, once again strapped inside of that lab. He hadn’t wanted to destroy the possible illusion though so he’d been so careful not to move even a muscle while the Dark continued to sleep. He’d been so careful not to disturb the steady beating of his heart or his breath warm near his skin. Just in case, he’d been so careful. And as a reward, here he is with the telepath’s fingers still entwined within his own and dawn steadily approaching, the soft light filtering through mountain tops tainting every detail that surrounds them with each passing moment they remain still.
In addition, this is the day the Dark will connect him to his partner. When he sees her, he’ll finally be able to tell her how sorry he is for allowing her to die all those years ago, how sorry he is for his inability to protect her like he’d sworn he’d always do. He’ll ask her for forgiveness… for the many things he’s done, the things he’ll do and for what he’d been forced to become in hopes that she’ll be able to understand and grant that forgiveness to him. Before that though, he’ll continue to hold Sashi close, continue to keep him warm and hope that with this new day, the raven haired Selestarri will still wish for things to remain as they were and he won’t be asked to let go…
Sashi: Streaks of soft morning light filter slowly through the darkness of sleep, pulling the telepath into the start of the new day. He’s so warm and comfortable, the thick blankets heavy against his body and long arms wrapped securely over his chest. There’s such a strong sense of protection and gentleness coming from the Bright, something he hasn’t felt since he and Aki were partners so long ago and something that he’s not willing to let go of just yet. He knows what today is, knows that this may be the last time Lan offers all of this to him, but he doesn’t want to think about it for a little while more. Right now he only wants to take everything in so he won’t ever forget: the way their bodies fit so well together, the heat that warms him to the core, the slow rise and fall of Lan’s breathing, the security he feels in the white-haired Selestarri’s arms. He hadn’t realized how much he liked this and how much it had hurt not to have it in his life.
Slowly Sashi becomes aware that the Bright is awake as well and without opening his eyes he turns in his grip, his head resting against the pale, scarred skin of Lan’s chest and his arms slipping around the narrow waist. The Dark has never been a morning person, but at the moment he doesn’t mind being awake so early as long as he can stay like this. [Morning,] he whispers and Lan responds by squeezing him so very gently. Tapered fingers thread into strands of black, stroking carefully and Sashi sinks even further into the Bright’s embrace. It hurts to think that he may lose all this so quickly after finding it, but the light of day didn’t make any difference to the fact that by this afternoon Lan may be gone. The house would be silent once again and he’d be locked into a solitude broken only by visits from his brother and best friend and the Selestarri holidays. Just thinking about it brings up an ache in his chest, but there’s no use in hoping that anything different will happen. He’d learned long ago that not having any expectations made the pain less sharp when things went badly and it’s a lesson that he needs to remember now.
The minutes slide by in comfortable silence, the two of them content to simply lay close. The telepath finally breaks the quiet, speaking even though he knows he’s setting himself up to be hurt, making what will already be an awkward situation later today worse, but he can’t help it at the moment. [I… like waking up like this…] Gray eyes open and he shifts his head just enough to meet beautiful sun gilded eyes. [To you…] No matter what may happen when they climb up to the shrine, he’s always going to have last night and this morning and at least he’ll have no regrets about not saying how he feels. [I like that the first person I’ve invited into my own bed is you, Lan… So thanks for your care and kindness…] With huge effort, Sashi disentangles himself from the Bright, suddenly wanting to get this all over with even though the ache inside is so sharp. Sitting up, he pulls his fingers through sleep mussed strands of black, thundercloud eyes still holding to yellow. [We should go and meet your partner now…]