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Story
+ Angel Hunt ~ Streifen +
Future Effects
Twenty Years brings many changes...
A story collaboration between Angel Hunt and Streifen
Twightlight
[03]
So he’d come outside and sat in the cold air for the remainder of the night in hopes it would counteract what was inside him and tame it enough so he could get something that resembled sleep… even if only for a few hours. Unfortunately the cold hadn’t helped much and the task of pushing it back had turned out to be so much harder than he’d wanted because his mind wouldn’t stay fixed no matter how hard he tried. His emotions were as scattered as his thoughts at the moment.
The Eyrie, Nova, their people… everything was still there, every one was still alive. He was no longer alone. His home was no longer gone. This truly did make him happy… happier than he’d been in far too many years. But instead of finding himself wanting to return to the Eyrie like he’d dreamt about doing on so many occasions, he finds his thoughts consumed by the Dark instead. He wants to know more about his host and why he’s here in this remote part of the world, living alone... How long had he been here? And what brought him here in the first place? Sashi’s name still sounds so familiar and he also wants to know why he can’t place it. Had they met when he was still Bright…? Mostly though, he’s finding himself wanting to know what it was that Sashi had found to make it through what he’d endured… what it was that he held on to in order to rise up and face life every day…
With a sigh, Lan’s eyes open and he stares out into the scenery before him, simply waiting for dawn to finally break over the horizon beyond.
Sashi: Shadows cloak the low platform bed, blankets and sheets twisted around the slender form sprawled over the mattress. Long strands of jet black hair trail from beneath the tangled mess, stark against the white linens. Groggily, tanned fingers slowly push the fabric away from his face, gray eyes cracking open just enough to catch the thin line of light that heralded the coming of dawn. The telepath’s magic senses flare up immediately as his mind drags itself from sleep, and he tenses up for a moment before remembering what had happened last night and the guest who is now staying at his house.
Fuck, he seriously must be losing his mind to bring a Bright here, because even if Lan says he’s alone, it always seems like where there’s one, others are sure to follow. Honestly, he has only painful memories of that faction that have nothing to do with the ingrained hatred between them and the Dark. All those years hearing about how tainted and evil he is had taken their toll and he’d be happy never to see another Bright for the rest of his life. It’s just another reason to live up here in the mountains, miles away from any major city and mostly shut off from the rest of society, both human and Selestarri alike. Not far enough, though, yesterday had been proof of that.
Pushing aside the thick layers of blankets, Sashi rolls onto his back and stares up at the ceiling. Despite his faction, Lan is different. His altered genetic make-up proves that just as much as what he’d been through at the hands of the Angels. Somehow the similar experiences made him more familiar when so few had ever been, more approachable when others had been too removed to find common ground with. Aki is different, of course, because they had known each other a long time, and Zeph too, not just because they were brothers, but because the younger Dark had forced their relationship very early on and grudgingly earned his trust. They were really the only ones, though, the only two he had ever been interested in talking to or spending time with. It only makes this whole situation with the Bright even stranger than it already is. He doesn’t know very much about him at all, but the fact that they’ve been through similar things, that he can see familiar emotions reflected back at him when he looks into sun-warmed eyes, seems to lessen the negative aspects of Lan’s faction, his odd arrival, and the usual alarms in Sashi’s head that warn him from getting too close. It’s not like he’s going to throw open the doors to his mind and invite the other Selestarri in or trust him with anything that can be thrown in his face later. He’d done that too many times in the past and the scars from those times had been burned much too deep to easily forget.
Pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes, Sashi sighs. If Zeph were here he’d tell him that he shouldn’t think so hard on it and if Aki were here, he’d say to be friendly and try to enjoy spending time with his guest. Both pieces of advice would be typical from the ones he cares about, but instead he thinks he’ll just let things go for now. Lan hadn’t recognized who he was last night, but it’ll come to him sooner or later and then he’ll want to leave anyway. It’ll be easier doing the things he normally does and let the Bright do what he wants. So maybe for now he’ll just try to figure out why Lan is on the porch outside his room when the sun isn’t even up yet, since he won’t be able to go back to sleep with the white haired Selestarri sitting out there…
Slipping from beneath the blankets, the telepath reaches for the pile of clothes beside the bed, reflecting for a moment on how warm the room is. This has to be more of that heat-release thing that Lan can do, and its more than welcome, especially with winter beginning to really set in. Tugging on several layers of thick clothing and topping it all with an oversized haori jacket, Sashi pushes his feet into the slippers he wears around the house and rakes his fingers through his hair as the crosses the room to the outside door. Sliding it open on near silent hinges, he shivers as the frigid air wraps over him. Gray eyes quickly find his guest, sitting with his back to the wall of the house on the section of the deck that narrows before turning the corner and continuing along the eastern section. The Bright’s gaze meets his and Sashi nods, stepping across the frozen wooden planking to lean on the railing. The sun is a pink smudge against the dark line of the mountains, the indigo shadows of the fading night still clinging to the western and northern pieces of the sky.
Long moments pass in silence, the cold seeping quickly into the Dark and causing him to shiver more and more violently with each passing breath. [It’s going to snow today,] he observes quietly, eyes still trained on the mountains. [I can always tell because I hate how cold it makes everything, just like my brother can always tell because he loves it.] Summoning a pack of cigarettes, he pulls one free and sets the box on the rail. Holding the slender stick between his fingers, he calls up the spark of magic needed to light it when a fresh batch of shivers wracks his body, the motion snapping the cigarette in two. “Fuck,” he swears out loud, breath drifting into the air in a white cloud. Dropping the broken halves onto the porch, Sashi pulls another one free, annoyed. [Was the bed not to your liking, or do you enjoy sitting out here and freezing to death?]
Lan: The Bright pulls his gaze away from the sky as the sliding door slips quietly open just out of sight, turning in time to meet storm cloud grey eyes when Sashi rounds the corner of the house. Offering a smile in return for the nod, the white haired Selestarri turns his attention back to the scenery before him soon after. He was finding it very comforting to have another presence so near, to feel the Dark’s unique signature… a Selestarri signature. It’s probably why he’d decided to sit here, just on the side opposite to Sashi’s room while he’d been lost in thought.
Because he wanted to feel that comfort again. Just to be able to spend time in the same vicinity of another after so many years of being subjected to only humans or Angels continued to bring that comfort that he finds himself, once again, a little worried to feel. What if when he finally manages to calm his body down and find sleep, he wakes up to find it all gone? To find this house and the one standing besides him, the words they’ve spoken, his knowledge of their people’s continued existences nothing more than another drug induced dream brought on by his desperation to no longer be alone… it was unsettling to have the thoughts even enter his head, unsettling to think about losing something he’d just found after all this time. One night of having it wasn’t enough -
Sashi’s words pull him away from his thoughts and he turns his head in time to see the cigarette snap in two, discarded soon after on the wooden slats beneath him. Staring up at the raven haired Dark for a few moments of continued silence; Lan slides his leg up and slowly rises to his feet. Taking a few short steps over to the shivering form at his side, the Bright reaches out for the small box resting on the railing in between them. His fingers linger just over it as his gaze wanders to Sashi’s hands and he finds himself staring for a moment while the urge to touch the other man nearly overwhelms him, the need to once again confirm that Sashi is solid and real. But he doesn’t, instead his eyes quickly shift back over to the used pack and he completes the motion of his fingers to pull a cigarette free. Setting the pack back down onto the wood beams, the white haired Selestarri turns away from the grounds and leans against the railing. Without hesitation or word, the Bright allows the fire coursing throughout him to seep out. Within seconds, the heat begins to wind around his frame and he keeps it contained for only a moment before letting it span out, the wave immediately enveloping the Dark at his side before he shuts the flux off just beyond both their bodies.
Lan sighs and slides his hand up without looking over to the other Selestarri to filter a small amount of flame through the tips of his fingers and light his cigarette. Despite doing this, it still wasn’t enough, it hadn’t dissipated in the least… the thoughts he’d spent the entire night going over time and time again, coupled with the fresh wave of worry that he might lose it again continues to rile what’s inside of him up, keeping the flow constant. He needs to find a way to stop his mind from moving and shut it down long enough so he can sleep or he’ll lose control of it again. He really hates that even after these last few years of having it, he’s still having so much trouble doing just that.
Sun warmed yellow finally shift to the side and he smiles while taking a slow drag, holding the smoke in his lungs for the space of a few heartbeats before blowing it out. [I hope you don’t mind, it’s just that you seemed very cold…] shifting his eyes again to his front while leaning back on his elbows, Lan continues [The bed is perfect, I think I just have too much on my mind to sleep at the moment…] sliding the cigarette back up, he takes another slow drag and watches the smoke slip into the air when he exhales. Arching slowly back, he allows his head to fall over the railing in order to stare at the now upside down scenery behind them. [As for freezing to death…I can’t really tell. The cold, or the oncoming snow… I can barely feel it anymore...] Tapered fingers pull the cigarette up blindly to his mouth and he cups it in between full lips before threading bandaged fingers into long bangs in order to rake them away from his face. [Whatever is was they did to me while I was under changed me inside just as much as it changed me out.] Lan narrows his eyes, spending time to look at the yellow orange streak of light filtering over the mountain tops, his voice dipping very low […I can see it in the air when we breathe… I can smell it all around me… I can see how it affects others… I can almost even remember a time when it affected me as well. But now… it just isn’t reaching me anymore…]
The white haired Selestarri falls silent again, simply staring straight into the light cresting over the mountains before he finally straightens and twists his body back around. Bending in low, he folds an arm across the railing and rests his chin against it while he stretches the other out and lets it hang over the edge. Lan’s sun warmed gaze travels to the side and he smiles up at the Dark through messy strands of white […I can honestly say that I’d gladly trade all this heat inside of me away in an instant just to be able to feel the cold again one more time…] With a soft smirk, the Bright swings his outstretched arm in to take a drag of the smoldering stick.
[I… don’t think I would have ever pegged you as someone who’d have a brother Sashi…] Lan says quietly without looking up as he exhales and slides his arm back over the rail to flick the ash away from the tip, his eyes traveling down to his bandaged fingers soon after. He guesses the Dark isn’t as alone out here as he’d thought, but then it isn’t like he knows very much about him aside from what he’s been told...
Sashi: Heat washes over him in a wave, thickening the air and making it difficult to breathe for a moment. Warmth seeps through the telepath’s skin and deep into his bones, instantly overriding the cold. Even the very core of him feels the heat, the part that never quite gets warm no matter what lengths he goes to, just as it had last night. Gray eyes slip partially closed and Sashi sighs contentedly, standing still while it all soaks in. To really and truly feel warm is so welcome, even if it’s only for a little while… Maybe even worth inviting a complete stranger into his house and then telling him he can stay… The other Selestarri continues to speak, his words quiet as he shifts positions and strands of white fall across his face. The emerging sun lights Lan’s hair like a halo of fire, beautiful in shades of red, orange, and gold, the very colors of the warmth that moves from the Bright and into Sashi. Yellow eyes meet gray, a soft smile moving over pale features, and the Dark finds himself caught and held until Lan looks down at his cigarette. Sadness taints every word, the sense of loss that the Bright feels at no longer being able to experience something that everyone else can is so clear, but once again he tries to hide it. It’s a valiant effort, but wasted against someone who’s lived through something similar.
A hard frown crosses Sashi’s face momentarily when Lan makes a comment about the unusualness of him having a brother, weighing for a moment if he’s being sarcastic or looking for a fight. Too often the Bright believed that the instant a Dark switched factions, they turned into monsters, incapable of being anything other than evil. Being a Warden isn’t much better since they were often viewed as something too unnatural for things like familial relationships. The Bright were always making assumptions like that, were always so assured that everything in the world conformed exactly how they wished it to and that there could be no other options. Long fingers push loose raven dark hair from his eyes as he takes a moment to step back. He’d worked too hard at mastering the touch-and-go emotions of the Dark to let himself be set off by something that wasn’t a direct insult. Besides, Lan seems to be different from the other Bright and if he had wanted a fight, why wait so long after arriving to start one? Closing his eyes for a brief second, the telepath forces himself to calm down and take the words for what they were: a simple statement.
Taking a moment to pull a fresh bit of smoke into his lungs, Sashi slowly lets it out before replying. [I wasn’t so interested in the whole idea of having a brother at first, but Zephyr is pretty persuasive. He spent some time among the humans when he was younger and holds views kind of similar to theirs about it all. It’s important to him, and I guess after all these years it’s rubbed off on me as well…] Truthfully, he knows that he’s lucky to have a brother like Zeph who’ll put up with his shit and will protect him no matter the cost. It had been hard to trust him when he first found out, even though they were friends beforehand, but the younger Dark has proven himself time and again. Despite all the scheming and underhandedness that went into their creations, he’s happy that Zeph is his brother and he’s glad that they were able to find out. [If you’re here…] Sashi’s words trail off, the idea of having someone around for any length of time is still so foreign to him. He was used to short visits from Aki or Zeph and Jun, or the quick, one-night stands that usually lingered just a little after the sun rose. For anyone to be here long term… The telepath blinks as the realization hits him that if Lan chooses to stay, he’ll be okay with it. When the hell had that happened? Sashi is suddenly aware of yellow eyes watching him, waiting for him to continue, and he distractedly takes another drag of the cigarette. [If you’re here long enough, I’m sure you’ll meet him. He usually visits once a month or so…]
A flicker of whitish smoke appears out amidst the trees, coalescing for a moment into a vague shape with long hair and wings. Gray eyes narrow at the ghost and the tattoos along his forearms and palms tingle beneath the thick layers of clothing. Even though he can’t see it clearly, Sashi knows it’s regarding them intently, can sense its interest in moving closer, but its reluctance to do so. Or perhaps it knew that he refused to talk with ghosts that came into his house. He wouldn’t object to the duties that his magic placed on him, and would listen to any of the phantasms that appeared, but he would not do it in his home. There had to be one place he could keep as his own, otherwise they’d never leave him alone. The ghost stands still for a long moment, but as a light wind blows through the forest, it disappears. A quiet sigh slips out of the Dark and he flicks ash over the edge of the railing. Usually when a ghost is that intense it wants something, which means he’ll have to go and speak with it at some point.
Glancing to the side, Sashi’s once again met with the sun warmed gaze, looking at him through strands of white. Sometimes it’s easy to lose track when dealing with the dead, even from afar, and he realizes he has no idea how much time has passed. Hastily pulling his thoughts together, the telepath goes back to what Lan had said a few minutes before. [What you said earlier, about missing the cold? I guess in a way I understand how you feel.] Sashi turns his attention to the end of the slender stick that’s quickly burning between his fingers, his voice going soft. [I know what it’s like to watch other people experience something that you can’t, to want what they have but be unable to find it, and to just stand there helplessly as the sadness and disappointment and longing builds up inside. I’ve known that all too well…] Inhaling the last bit of smoke, he lets it out slowly, the white curl seeming to catch fire in the bright light of dawn. All too late he’d learned what had held him from those things that he wanted and that he’d been the one who’d placed the restraints in the first place… A small pang of hurt pulls at him, but it quickly dissipates with nothing to fuel it, the old pain and sorrow dealt with years before.
Wrapping his free arm tight around his waist, gray eyes seek out the edge of the horizon where heavy snow clouds are already beginning to gather. [Cold always affects me worse than it seems to do to others. It’s something that I’ve felt for years, just a little when I was younger and then a lot more once I became a Dark. No matter what I do, I just can’t warm up…] until now. The heat inside the other Selestarri’s body sinks into the part of him that’s always cold, and he has no idea why. Grinding the end of the cigarette against the rail, Sashi raises his eyes to meet Lan’s. [So, um... thanks… because right now, I really am finally warm…]
Lan: he finds himself struck again with a sense of familiarity when Sashi mentions his brother’s name and the Bright remains silent while he continues to speak, trying and failing to place the reason why he feels like he’d heard it before, just as he felt he’d heard the Dark’s before that. Why did both their names sound so familiar to him? Granted his memory is a little skewed and had been that way ever since he’d been taken in, the faces and the names he once knew were taking their sweet time in returning to him now that he’s finally free… but he still he can’t ever recall seeing Sashi before yesterday, can’t recall ever seeing his face. Yet despite this, the raven haired Selestarri is still familiar to him, just like the name of his brother is familiar and he wants to know why…
Lan is pulled away from his thoughts by the start of a sentence that nearly causes his heart to skip a beat and sun warmed eyes move up rest on the telepath, waiting with baited breath for him to continue. Storm cloud grey shift down to meet his after the initial pause and Lan nods with a soft smile [I’d like that… very much…] Both the prospect of being allowed to stay longer and be able to spend more time around the Dark, as well as the prospect of meeting another of their kind after all this time. He’d like it more than he could properly relay.
Sliding the cigarette back up to full lips, he inhales and holds the smoke in his lungs for a few moments while his gaze moves back to the scenery before them. When the Dark falls silent, Lan glances back up to find he’d gone still as well, his own gaze fixed out into the grounds as if he were looking at something very specific. Looking in the direction that Sashi continues to stare at, the Bright himself sees nothing. Taking a final drag of his cigarette and straightening, the white haired Selestarri snuffs the end out and quickly combusts the butt, shaking the ashes out over the rail. Yellow eyes move over the other man while he stands entranced and he finds the severe urge to reach out and touch him just to be able to confirm that what stands besides him is real, hit all over again. It almost seems as if Sashi will fade away right there, that the entire night he’s spent in his presence has been nothing more than a movie he’s been watching and it’s finally come to the end. Lan almost reaches out to wrap his arms around the telepath just so he won’t be taken away, as if by latching on to the dark haired Selestarri’s body, it will keep him from being carried off by the wind. But before he can act, Sashi snaps back and blinks, grey eyes shifting over to meet his as if he’d simply been paused in a video that was once again in play.
The Bright slides forward to lean against the railing once more as the other man speaks of the cold and loss, spending a few moments working to calm what had begun to rise up inside of him only a moment before. As he listens, he hears a distant sadness tinting the outline of his words, an emotion that seeps through each syllable that he can truly understand. Pain and loss, loneliness even, it’s all there and Lan has to stifle his curiosity all over again on what it was that brought Sashi here, what it was that he’d lost and why there seems to be a piece missing somewhere deep inside of him. A half smile forms on his lips when the Dark thanks him and he shakes his head, pulling his eyes away and shifting them out into the grounds while the morning light continues to taint everything they see. […As long as I’m here…] he starts slow, his voice falling a little quiet while he speaks […I’ll do what I can to make sure you’re never cold, Sashi… it’s the least I can do for your kindness and company…]
He pauses before slowly shifting his gaze back to the side, yellow eyes coming to rest on the ebony tattoos marking tanned fingers showing just beyond heavy layers of cloth. Unable to stop himself any longer, Lan straightens and reaches out for Sashi’s free hand, the need to touch too strong to continually ignore. The Bright’s gaze remains locked on the Dark’s hand, too focused to notice how tense the other Selestarri becomes when he pulls his arm away from the railing and turns his palm up. Bandaged fingers begin tracing over intricate black lines, white locks falling across his vision as he tilts his head in the slightest in order to follow his own movements. Lan pulls his hand back for only a moment to brush his hair away from his eyes, slipping them down to return to his task soon after. His gaze slides up to find thunder cloud grey and he continues to hold Sashi’s hand in place while the fingers of his free hand move away and slide to the strands of ebony that fall over his eyes.
[I can feel the warmth of your skin despite the bandages…] he says while he traces the line of the telepath’s bangs and down to his cheek […feel you beneath my hands. Solid and tangible... real…] marking a light trail along the line of Sashi’s jaw, his eyes drop and he curls his hand back just as he reaches his chin, staring down at the other man’s arm that he still holds in his grip […so why…] Lan falls silent for a few moments longer before sliding his fingers away to wrap his own arms around his waist and take a step back [why am I …] why is he still so uncertain? A slight look of desperation crosses his features as his eyes remain pinned on the wood slats beneath them and he takes another half step back, his gaze traveling back up to meet grey a moment later, smiling apologetically [I’m…] scared is what he wants to say. Scared to sleep, scared to loose it all again, scared that he won’t be able to control the fire for very long. Scared. [I’m sorry. I just can’t seem to make myself believe this is actually real at times and I guess I need to make sure…] turning away, sun warmed yellow slide back to the grounds beyond them to watch the distant dark clouds move closer as they’re carried along with the wind [... sorry.]
Sashi: He can’t stop himself from tensing up as the Bright latches onto his wrist, pulling his arm away from the railing and turning it so that his tattoos are exposed. Sun warmed eyes stare down at the inky lines and after a moment tapered fingers begin to carefully trace the intricate designs, trails of heat left in their wake. He hadn’t had anyone pay so much attention to his tattoos, not the other Selestarri, many of whom feared him anyway, and not the humans down in the village, who gave him odd looks but tolerated his presence. So to be gently examined was a new feeling, strange, but surprisingly nice. He wasn’t used to being handled with such care though, with the exception of the hugs and affectionate touches of Aki or his brother. They were different because they cared about him, but Lan was still a stranger, and the only physical dealings he had with everyone else included violence and pain. He doesn’t quite know what to do with this, this interest and attention, although he does like it.
The Bright’s yellow gaze meets gray as he lets go for a moment to brush white hair from his face before reaching out to touch at coarse, dark strands. Sashi doesn’t move, doesn’t breathe as bandaged fingers glide over his cheek and along the line of his jaw. Quiet words reach him slowly, the movement of Lan’s hand blocking out everything for a moment other than the heat that flows deep into his skin. Reaching the telepath’s chin, Lan pulls his hand away and steps back, the confusion and desperation in his eyes and in his fragmented words finally registering with Sashi. To be so scared that everything you hoped and wished for while imprisoned and tortured would turn out to be a dream was something he clearly remembered. After it had first happened and they’d been banished from the Eyrie he’d spent nights with Aki at his side trying to comfort him, to tell him that they were safe. He’d been so scared that he’d open his eyes and they’d be back in that barn and the hands of those filthy men would be on him again and he’d have to watch and do nothing while Aki screamed in pain over and over again... It had taken time and the Eclipse’s patient reassurances before it had completely faded to just being a recurring theme of his nightmares. Without his partner to be there through it all it would probably have taken him years to get over on his own.
Eyes the same color of the surging overhead clouds turn to study the slender Bright, tracing over the slightly built frame wrapped in the thin kimono, long arms still wound around his waist as if they somehow bound up all the sadness inside him. Lan didn’t have his partner to rely on as Sashi had, she was gone and now he seemed to be alone to get through what had been done to him. Nor had the Dark been told that he was the last of his kind and mourned their passing only to suddenly find that he wasn’t as alone as he’d believed. It had to be a shock to the Bright’s system and it’s no wonder he’s having a difficult time believing that it’s real.
A few minutes pass as the two Selestarri stand in silence, one caught up in confusion and hurt and the other unsure of what to do to help. For all that he generally hates dealing with other people; sometimes he wishes he were better at it. Just to have some kind of insight as to what to do or say when someone is in pain instead of just standing here. Sashi sighs and leans against the railing, he’s just so useless at all this… [It’s interesting, isn’t it, that when we’re held captive, all we hope for is to wake up and realize that it’s all a nightmare, that we’re safe and everything is okay. Then when it’s over and we’re free, we’re scared to wake up to find that it was our freedom we were dreaming of, and we’re still in the hands of our enemies…]
Warm yellow eyes lift to meet his, pain clearly reflected in the depths and Sashi can’t stop himself from reaching out to lightly brush at feather soft strands of white, mirroring the actions of the Bright from just minutes before. He’s not Lan’s partner and he can’t do for him what Aki did all those years ago, he can’t make everything better, but maybe he can do something. He doesn’t know the Bright well outside of what he’s been told, and he still doesn’t really trust him, but Sashi knows what it’s like to deal with the things that the Bright’s going through, and that hard earned knowledge and familiarity makes up for a lot. Carefully he lowers the walls that he keeps around himself for just a moment, pulls back the cynicism and sarcasm that he has wrapped around himself like thick blankets to hold the outside world away. [They can’t hurt you anymore, Lan.] His voice is quiet as his hand slips down to cradle the other Selestarri’s jaw. [You’re free and you’re safe from them now.] Their gazes lock as the first wet snowflakes begin to fall. [Like I said last night, for better or worse, this is reality, and if you need to be… reassured… of it at times, then its okay…]
After a moment Sashi lets his hand fall away and pulls the walls back up. He feels uncomfortable and exposed and he doubts it really even helped. The Dark is about to turn and walk away when the sliding door to the house opens and a small older woman steps through. She bows deeply to Sashi before turning her dark eyes on Lan, a smile breaking out before she bows to him as well. “Ohayo gozaimasu, Yamashita-san,” the telepath greets her. “This is Lan, he’ll be staying for a while, so please treat him as an honored guest.” Turning to the Bright, Sashi meets his eyes for a second before moving toward the door. The cold strikes him immediately once he’s out of Lan’s close presence and he wraps his arms around himself in a futile effort to keep some of the heat. “This is my housekeeper. If you need anything just ask her and she’ll take care of it. I have some work to do until lunchtime…” Stepping through the open door, he slides it shut and leaves the two standing on the porch as the snow continues to fall.
The small Japanese woman looks up at the tall man through her eyelashes, her head remaining bent toward the ground in respect. His hair and skin were the same color as the snow, almost as if he were one of the winter spirits of legend come to life. He looked very foreign, but beautiful, much like the other guests that came to visit. “As Hisashi-sama said, you need only to ask for something and I will do it. Please do not hesitate if there’s anything you require.”
Raising her head, she looks back in the direction of the house for a moment before continuing, her voice very quiet. “It’s not my place to say this next thing, and I ask that you do not repeat it to Hisashi-sama, but I hope that you stay here for a while. There is a deep sadness in him and a loneliness that I don’t think he knows I see, but it’s obvious to any who look hard enough.” Dark, almond shaped eyes meet sun warmed yellow for the barest of seconds, taking measure of the tall man before moving away. “I worry for him spending so much time alone without anyone else, but maybe you can understand what it’s like for him?” Bowing deeply she folds her small hands deep into the sleeves of her kimono. “My apologies for assuming too much, Lan-sama, and I beg your forgiveness. It’s not my place to speak so openly about things that concern those above me...”
Lan: Sun warmed eyes stay on the raven haired Selestarri to follow him as he disappears through the sliding doors of the house beyond. His gaze remains fixed for only a moment longer after it has shut closed before he turns his attention towards the small Japanese woman at his front. A soft smile forms on full lips when she speaks and he nods, his own words kept quiet as well. “There is no need to apologize to me, Yamashita-san… I do understand…” yellow eyes shift back to the grounds, narrowing as he watches large wet flakes fall slowly towards the grass below to taint the lush green with white the same color as his hair. “…I wish to remain as well… and as long as he allows me to stay, I’ll make sure he isn’t alone…” To find someone who truly understands what it’s like, who understands the pain and hurt… someone who could make him feel not so alone for the first time in so long…
A wide smile crosses the petite woman’s lips and she nods before bowing deeply once more and thanking the Bright. Lan nods in return, watching in silence as she returns to the house to leave him alone. Reaching for the half empty pack left on the wooden rail, he slides long fingers out to pull it towards him and slip one free. Cupping the cigarette in his lips, he hops up onto the rail and pushes himself over, bare feet landing in the grass below, the icy flakes riddling green stalks melting immediately at his touch. Lighting the end of the cigarette, the white haired Selestarri inhales deeply, spending a moment to watch the falling snow evaporate around his slender frame before beginning a leisurely stroll out in to the grounds.
The housekeeper’s words stream through his head as he walks, just as Sashi’s earlier words continue to stream through his head. There really was a kindness to the Dark that he’d never have expected, just like there was a sadness and a loneliness coming from him when he spoke. He felt it last night and he felt it today, even before the housekeeper had said anything to him about it and again he finds his mind wandering back to the question of why Sashi was here, why he was hidden away in these mountains, almost alone. He wants to know who had hurt him and when it had been done… he wants to know what he had found to get him through each day afterwards. He wants to know what made him become Dark, and why… Sliding his free hand up as he comes to a stop far out into the surrounding area, Lan touches at the spot Sashi’s fingers had been. It still felt warm, as if he’d left a mark on his skin when he knows there is none. He wants to know why he can still feel the imprint of his hand as well, why the telepath’s name was so familiar and why he struck so deep…
Lowering his hands, the Bright’s eyes slip closed and he allows his head to fall back, waiting for the falling snow to reach him. Thick flakes melt before ever touching near his skin and he sighs, reopening his eyes to stare straight up and silently cursing the fire surging inside for stripping him of even this. Small tendrils immediately spark at his feet, thin lines of flame creeping up along his body and winding around him like climbing vines until he’s quickly consumed within. Clenching his fists as he fights to control it, the heat threatens to overtake him for a few moments, hungry to be fed now that he’d let it free. His eyes begin to glaze in white and after a few minutes he finds himself unable to hold it any longer, allowing it to explode out in a hard wave that melts everything in its path before quickly dissipating away to leave him standing in a center crater of cleared grounds. Shaky fingers unclench and he slides the cigarette up to his lips, frowning at it when he finds it burnt down to the filter. Closing his eyes once again and letting a sigh go, the Bright suddenly feels overwhelmed and more than a bit exhausted, finally ready to sleep. The fire had been quelled for the time being, and letting that much out all at once coupled with a night’s lack of sleep and the unending stream of thoughts swirling through his head was all catching up to him at last.
Dropping the filter and turning back towards the house, he pays it no attention as it combusts before it ever hits the ground. Stepping up and moving past the spring, bandaged fingers slide the door open and he moves through the threshold a moment later. Lan comes to a halt just as he reaches the Dark’s room, yellow eyes shifting to the side to stare at the closed door. Hesitating for a few moments, the Bright turns and reaches out to barely touch his fingers at the thick paper covering wooden slats. He wants to touch the telepath… just once more before he allows himself to sleep because he’s finding himself needing the reassurance Sashi had told him he could have. His gaze shifts to his fingers and he curls them back, hating himself for having these insecurities rise up time and time again. Turning abruptly away, he moves through the house towards his own room, stopping a bit short when he meets the small housekeeper once again just as she lifting his clothing away from the door.
Bowing low, she smiles and he manages to return the smile before she moves away and disappears into the house beyond them. If takes every bit of control he has to wait until the woman is out of eyesight before he practically tears the door open and steps inside, shutting it hastily behind him. The kimono falls to his feet and he begins ripping at the white strips of cloth binding his skin, the time it’s taking him to unwind every inch not coming nearly fast enough. The bandages that always kept him locked away were now making him feel as if he would suffocate and he needs to get them off or they might just drive him insane. Long wrappings fall in piles around him as he moves towards the bed, collapsing down on it soon after to tear the last of them free from his legs. Shaking hands ball into fists and he curls into himself, unable to stop the tears from boiling up and spilling over. He’s not in the lab, he’s not alone. He’s alive and free, this is reality and he won’t wake up to find it all gone. No matter how many times he says it to himself, the fear is still there like a poison, tainting his thoughts and constantly plaguing his mind.
He’s alive. He’s free. He’s no longer alone. This is reality… what will it take for him to believe it? What will it take for the thoughts to end?
After long moments Lan slowly lifts his head free of his knees, white locks clinging to tear stained cheeks as he stares ahead through the soft backlit room. He feels exposed and empty. The old wounds feel raw, the scars burning deep beneath his skin despite the fire having been calmed. Filmed over white eyes move down to his body once again, settling on the marks riddling his flesh and he flashes himself a look of disgust before his gaze darts over to the trail of bandages he’d left and the kimono laying crumbled near the door. Crawling towards it, the Selestarri quickly covers his naked form before he moves back to the futon and curls himself into a ball. His eyes slip closed and despite the heaviness that was taking him over he begins repeating once again, that this was reality, that he won’t wake to find it gone, that he’s free, and that he’s not alone. Within minutes, sleep comes and as he falls into the blackness, the contorted face of his partner slides across his vision, followed soon after by the familiar shadowed figures holding the gleaming metal that always strips him away… all of which pulling a soft whimper from full lips when he realizes in his haze that he can’t escape…
Sashi: Tanned fingers push damp strands of raven-dark hair behind his ears, the movement so automatic that it barely registers. Thundercloud gray eyes are fixed on the scroll that’s once again spread across the table in his room, inky black symbols lining up to form the complicated network of patterns that comprise the spell. The telepath’s thoughts are still elsewhere, however, shifting repeatedly from his guest to his work to the lingering feeling of having exposed too much of himself out on the porch. Lan had gone out on the grounds, Sashi’d sensed his movements, sensed the foreign magic that rapidly built up and then quickly dispersed before he’d returned to the house. It didn’t surprise him that the Bright would have to dump some of the excess magic he couldn’t control and he remembered all too well the times in the past when he’d had to do the same. Better to let it out than to let it destroy you from within.
He still isn’t sure how he feels about the other Selestarri staying here, although to his surprise he finds that he likes Lan. It’s kind of strange since it’s been so long since he’s been interested in anyone outside the two he cares about, but the fact that the Bright has been though similar experiences makes him approachable when others have not been. There’s an enormous amount of pain in Lan, though, so much that it’s clearly visible in his eyes and in his words, pain that the telepath remembers all too well, pain that could cut so deeply that the wounds would never heal. Sashi knows all this, has lived through it and come out on the other side, not completely whole, but no longer shattered into a million fragments, either. He feels compelled to help, although he’s not really sure why. Lan is a virtual stranger, appearing out of nowhere yesterday, so why should he want to do anything for him? A heavy sigh slips from the Dark and he reaches over to dip his brush in the ink pot before returning to the scroll. He does want to help, though, otherwise why allow the Bright to stay? Why give permission to touch him or allow old memories to be dragged to the surface?
They’re not questions that he’s able to answer at the moment. Instead he can only go over what’s happened again and again, trying to discern his reasoning. He wonders as well the reasons for Lan’s interest in staying. Now that he knows the other Selestarri are not destroyed as he was lead to believe, why not return? The Bright don’t have the same mentality as the Dark when it comes to their home, and they generally prefer to be on the Eyrie instead of living down on Earth. He always found it to be such irony that those whom the Bright fought to protect were not those that they preferred to live with… None of Lan’s reasons matter, though, since once he remembers who Sashi is, he’ll most likely want to leave. The white-haired Selestarri had said his name was familiar, but he couldn’t remember why. The memories will return eventually, however, and—
Psychic backlash tears at the telepath’s mind out of nowhere, pain and helpless terror just like he’d sensed last night when Lan was held in the grip of a nightmare. Ink flecks across the table as the brush drops from his hand and the Dark releases some of the barriers on his magic, the air growing thick almost immediately. Whenever he had nightmares like this, Aki always came to him and tried to stop it, was actually the only one who could stop it. Is that what he’s supposed to do now? Should he try to help? He hates being this indecisive, this unsure of what actions are appropriate. Maybe he should have tried harder all those years ago when Zeph tried to get him to go out and meet other people, to learn to socialize. He also had dozens of classes of psychology, so why was it so hard to know what to do now? Sashi shakes his head, black strands drifting into his eyes. He needs to just do what he would want someone to do if he were caught in the grip of a nightmare. Resolved, he waits a moment, combining his telepathy and his magic to push back the majority of the emotional distress until it’s only a buzz in the back of his head. Rising to his feet, the raven haired Selestarri scoops up the discarded haori jacket and slips into it while waiting to see if the Bright would pull himself out like he did before. When it grows worse, Sashi picks up the brush and places it on the tray that holds the ink pot, the darkness of the teleport sweeping over him a moment later.
Weak gray light filters into the guest room he’d given Lan, casting deep shadows in the far corners that immediately flock toward the Dark, cloaking him even as his body finishes materializing. Heat hits him in a solid wave and the smell of smoke fills his nose, gray eyes just managing to search out the thrashing form on the bed. The kimono and thin blankets twisted around his frame, Lan moves as if he fights off invisible attackers, strained whimpers gritted out from between clenched teeth. Sashi crosses the room on silent feet, stopping as he reaches the end of the futon to call out the Bright’s name. When there’s no response he steps around the mattress and leans down, the heat streaming into him as it’s released from the slender frame, and says Lan’s name once again. The Bright continues to thrash blindly, sweat dampening his hair and tears staining his pale face. Dropping down to his knees on the tatami mats, Sashi reaches out to touch the other Selestarri, his hand almost connecting before the backlash surges again and yanks him forcibly into the nightmare.
Images move with the speed of a fast forward video: gleaming metal instruments, glaring lights, faceless white-haired figures, humans with blood stained gloves and cold, hard eyes, a beautiful girl crowned with tumbling green ringlets… And through it all there is fire, unquenchable, blazing fire that consumes all it touches. The Dark telepathically braces himself, reinforcing his own barriers and unleashing the strength of his magic while allowing all that the Bright is experiencing to filter through him in a hard spiral. Extending his barriers to wrap around Lan as well, he wrenches hard, ripping them both from the grip of the nightmare and forcing the Bright awake.
The images abruptly fade and Sashi finds himself leaning over his guest, his arms on either side of the now-still body, fingers knotted in the blankets and dark locks of hair spilling around them both. His mind aches slightly from the strain of having another person’s terror and desperation run through him, and the air is heavy with his magic, the energy cloaking them as thickly as the shadows. White, filmed over eyes snap open, wide and staring, but not actually seeing him at all, and for a moment the telepath has no idea what to do. Then, hesitating slightly, he shifts his weight a little to slide his hand up and touch lightly at the Bright’s hair. [You’re okay now,] he whispers, hoping these are the right words, hoping he sounds comforting. [They can’t hurt you anymore.] Lan blinks hard, finally seeming to realize he’s awake, and his shaking hands latch onto Sashi’s arm. Threading his fingers into feather soft strands, the Dark gently strokes the other Selestarri’s hair, his gray eyes shot through with gold from the rush of his magic. [You’re free from them, Lan, and you’re safe…]
Lan: long tanned fingers sketch the outlines of the spell, interrupted before it’s finalized when pale ones slide against them and pull her hand back to his lips. Deep sunset tinted orange eyes meet dark brown, watching him intently as he traces the outlines of her skin with his mouth. A slow smile forms and she arches back to meet his lips with her own, the slow and gentle kiss igniting a familiar fire deep beneath his skin. He smiles as she slowly breaks away, their eyes meeting once again for only a moment before the woman is suddenly ripped from his arms.
Lan stares ahead, unbelieving for a minute before the world washes in white and he sees her fall before him. He cries out, calling her name over and over as he runs for her broken form. But for every step he takes, she only gets further away and no matter how hard he tries, he can’t reach her. Out of nowhere, cold silver eyes meet his and a smirk forms on the creature’s lips as he stands over her bleeding body. Pulling back, the Angel is about to take her head when fire explodes out from the inside, spiraling around them and consuming everything in its path. He watches helplessly as they all burn to ash, their cries ringing loudly in his ears before it turns back to grip him as well. Gold taints his vision as he looks down to see his flesh searing away in blackened strips-
The thickness of the surrounding air and the heavy magic filtering in through every sense hits him immediately as he’s ripped free from the tail end of his nightmare. The Bright grasps desperately at the fire moving inside him, working to rein it all back in and panicking in the slightest when nothing happens, not realizing at first that the magic isn’t his. White eyes snap open, the presence above him so immense and powerful that it sends a wave of terror streaking through him. The shadows cloak the one above him and his face is skewed in the low light of the room, sending fear through his slender frame when for a fraction of a minute, he believes that everything he’d feared before going to sleep had come to pass, that they managed to find him and he’s back in their hands all over again.
The gentle touch in his hair and the soft, comforting words of the Dark slowly begins to filter through it all, working to pull him completely free of the haze of sleep he’d been trapped in. He blinks hard, trying to clear the fading images from his dreams as Sashi’s face comes fully into focus. He slides shaky hands up to latch onto the stationary arm at his side, needing more than ever to feel the warmth of the other man beneath his fingers, to confirm that the gold tainted grey he sees above him and the cascade of ebony hair that surrounds him is truly real.
After a few moments, the Bright lets a long sigh leave full lips and white eyes slowly slide shut. Turning his head towards the arm he’s holding while the telepath’s hand continues to stroke gently in his hair, the pain and fear of the lingering dream is still evident in his quiet words as he speaks […I’m never free of them… they find me every time I go to sleep and no matter how hard I try, I can’t fight them off… I can’t escape…] the white haired Selestarri furrows his brows and his grip on the Dark’s arm tightens while he works to calm his shaking form and push away the fear that still plagues him. He can still see her face, still feel the fire burning it all away, still feel the metal piercing his skin, feel the pain as they stripped him away piece by piece… it’s always this way, what was done always follows him into consciousness, every single time. It’s always these times that he has to fight the fire raging inside because if he doesn’t, he ends up burning everything around him. But this time it’s different… the fire is quiet and nearly still and despite the fact that Sashi’s presence was threatening to overwhelm his already raw senses, he feels comforted by him… for the first time in years, he almost feels safe.
[You pulled me out… didn’t you?] Lan says after a few moments of silence without opening his eyes. [You pulled me free…] his words trail when the telepath’s hand suddenly moves behind his ear. Just as Sashi reaches the edges of the black lines of the small barcode he keeps hidden beneath strands of snow colored hair, the Bright pulls a hand away from the arm at his side and reaches up to wrap damaged fingers around tattooed skin in order to stop the movement. His eyes slide open a moment later as he holds the Dark’s hand still, staring ahead into the room around them as he speaks. [It’s just one more thing they managed to mark me with when they had me] without relinquishing either of his grips, the Selestarri shifts his head back, faded yellow eyes staring deep into the gold shot grey above him. [Sashi…will you allow me to thank you for what you’ve done…?]
Sashi: His fingers move slowly through the silken strands, combing carefully through the straight, feather-soft white hair and focusing all of his attention to the task. Fear and hurt lace the Bright’s words when he speaks about the dream; the images of what Lan had lived through replaying unbidden in Sashi’s mind. The telepath remains silent, though, unsure what to say or do when he knows the only thing that will truly help is time. He doubts that will be what the other Selestarri wants to hear, not when the pain is still so fresh and deep that every small reminder, every fragment of memory cuts to the quick with the same amount of violence as the initial wound. So he stays quiet, watching in the dim light as the strands slip through his fingers until he shifts the path of his hand toward Lan’s ear and the Bright stops his movement.
The explanation is given and Sashi nods, allowing his hand to be held in place by the firm grip. Lan turns his head and their eyes meet, sun warmed yellow gazing up at him with a depth he hadn’t noticed before. They’re beautiful, tinted deeply at the edges and then fading just slightly near the pupil and containing every hue from lemon to gold. For a moment he’s so caught up that the Bright’s question slips by him without fully registering, too distracted by the warmth that seeps into him from being so close and the endless yellow pools. His mind plays the question back a second time and the Dark goes very still, a tangle of various thoughts and emotions moving through him all at once.
Above all, Sashi’s not sure exactly what Lan means by wanting to thank him. Was he offering to keep him warm again as he’d already done or something else? There are many of the Dark who offer their abilities for a price, so it wouldn’t surprise him if the snowy haired Selestarri thought he wanted something in exchange for giving him a place to stay. He should probably be offended that anything was being offered in the first place, but he understands all too well how his faction works, and amongst the Dark nothing is ever given or received without consequence. For the tenth time in the last twenty-four hours, he wishes he were better at understanding other people. What drives others has always been a mystery to him, just as the motivations behind his own actions had eluded him for the majority of his life. There were times like these that he wishes it were different, though, wishes he could pick up on it better and save himself some embarrassment or hurt. That would be too easy, of course, and nothing in his life has ever been easy.
Still staring into the depths of the Bright’s eyes from behind the strands of inky black that have fallen across his face, Sashi is torn between flat out refusing Lan’s request and accepting it. A part of him that he normally keeps buried behind all the cold indifference and sarcasm surfaces to reveal that as much as he wants to comfort Lan when everything is still so raw and painful for him, he wants to be comforted, too. Not for the same wounds, because his had scarred over long ago, but for different ones, ones that up until a few years ago, he wouldn’t admit he even had. He wants to be touched with gentleness and care by someone who’s not his brother or his best friend. He wants the ongoing loneliness to ease and to stop the futile attempts he makes at quelling it with one night stands. It hasn’t worked in years because it no longer fills the hole inside him, but he continues to do it anyway, less frequently than when he was younger, but he does it all the same. He wants to know what it is to be in love with another person, to have what Zeph and Aki do, to have someone who understands him completely and knows his faults but loves him anyway…
Sashi can’t stop the hurt that shows in his eyes and on his face for a moment, although he makes an automatic attempt anyway. Maybe that’s why he’d allowed Lan to stay, because they’ve had similar experiences and for once there’s a chance that all the things he’s gone through can be related to and understood. It’s stupid and he feels foolish knowing that this may have been his motivation even if he weren’t fully aware of it. They’re strangers to one another and Lan doesn’t even really know who Sashi is and how much the rest of their society both fears and hates him. Why should he expect any of that from someone who just happened to stray near his home by accident? Maybe the worst of it is that if Lan is offering something physical, the Dark knows he’ll be unable to say no... God, maybe he really is just as tainted and awful as he was lead to believe all those years ago…
The telepath tries to push it all down, to rebury the emotions, the desires, and the old memories under the deep layers once more, but now that they’ve been exposed it’s too difficult to do. He should get up and leave, go someplace where he can be alone to collect himself. The warmth of the Bright and the feel of his hands where they rest on his skin lock Sashi in place, although it shames him to admit that he can be so uncontrollably needy as to not give up something even this small. So he just pulls his eyes away from the one beneath him and slightly shakes his head instead, the words leaving him with the same hollowness that’s opened up inside. [You… don’t have to do that… None of the things I’ve done have been because I wanted thanks…]
Lan: Hurt flashes momentarily across the Dark’s face and streaks in his eyes causing the Bright to immediately regret his words. He hadn’t meant to cause the raven haired Selestarri any pain, he’d only wanted to show in some way just how grateful he was for everything Sashi has done for him since he pulled him from that road just the night before. In less than twenty four hours the Dark has given him shelter, given him some hope when he had none, comforted him by his presence, his words and his touch, and even managed to pull him free of the dreams that always plague him when he sleeps… he’s asked for nothing in return. No price, no toll and Lan has nothing to offer… nothing he could give to show just how much it all meant to him and all he’d wanted was…
The Bright eases his grip on the telepath’s arms away, sliding damaged fingers in between them to wrap them around the fabric of the kimono and pull it closer up to his neck in order to cover the marks lying beneath. [I didn’t mean to…] Slowly turning his head away, his words trail as Sashi sits himself back, neither man meeting the other’s gaze. Lan rises up and twists his body to the side, his fingers still curled tightly around the thin fabric covering his slender frame [I’m …sorry if I offended you…] he apologizes quietly as yellow eyes move down to stare at his own marked legs. Out of habit he pulls a hand away and slides the kimono over himself in order to cover them a little hastily. [It wasn’t my intention] he pulls his fingers away and reaches down to tie the garment closed while his back remains turned towards the Dark behind him as he continues to speak. [I hadn’t meant to assume...] the Bright trails again, his eyes moving back to his damaged hands as they come to rest at his lap and a small frown forms on his lips soon after. He knows how the Dark faction works as a whole… he knows that when something is given, something is taken in return. But this wasn’t why he’d said what he did. He didn’t make the offer because he thought Sashi wanted to be repaid, he made it because he thought he’d felt the loneliness in him… the same that mirrors his own. He’d wanted to show him in some way that he understood... But despite what his housekeeper had said earlier and despite the telepath’s words and his seeming mutual understanding… it dawns on him that Sashi is still here for a reason, he’s alone for a reason and he has no right to intrude on whatever that reason is… none at all. He’d obviously projected something he shouldn’t have, whether it was out of fear for losing it all again or from the desperate need to push those fears away, he had no right. His words were careless and he only managed to hurt someone who’s been nothing but kind to him from the start.
With a small sigh, the white haired Selestarri turns around to meet the storm cloud grey eyes behind him with his own and he smiles softly despite the ache that flares deep inside his chest [You’ll have to forgive me… I’m … a bit out of touch with everything and have been for quite a while. I guess I’ve even forgotten the simple lines I should know not to cross…] He allows a quiet laugh go that sounds far too empty in his ears before pulling himself to his feet and moving towards the entrance of the small guest room. Bare feet step over scattered strips of cloth as he slides the door open a moment later without looking back [Thank you again… for pulling me free, I really am very grateful…] stepping out into the hallway beyond, the Bright walks out into the house and leaves the Dark alone at his bed